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The Real Dirt: My Dirty Thirty (And Quite Possibly A Bad Case Of TMI)  

Fallic40 60M
2661 posts
10/15/2007 7:22 pm
The Real Dirt: My Dirty Thirty (And Quite Possibly A Bad Case Of TMI)

1. Who ended your last relationship?
The goldfish did by going belly up. I gave her a good burial at sea, but the trauma remains and I have not been able to muster the inner strength to go to PetCo and find another friend.

2. When is the last time you shaved your legs?
Being a manly man, and not one of those poufta,<b> spandex </font></b>wearing, Intel engineering type, Lance Armstrong wannabee, “racing cyclists” I do not shave my legs.

3. What were you doing this morning at 8am?
Reading The Oregonian sports section in the first stall of the third floor john at work: bran muffin at 4am, a trip to the reading room at 8am.

4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Sitting in the bath with a good book, contemplating my navel (and its pet lint) and wondering why my pubic hair is red and my regular hair is more of a reddish brown color.

5. Are you any good at math?
My mum says that I am very special: so I guess the answer is “yes”. *

6. What were you doing last night?
Trying to sleep: sleeping pills didn’t work, wanking didn’t work, tossing and turning in a bed destroying the sheets didn’t work, warm milk didn’t work, reading Ulysses didn’t work and now I am all cranky and irritable.

7. Do you have any famous ancestors?
No, but my granny used to cook for Reggie and Ronnie Kray (and assorted associates, cronies and employees). (Go on, ask me who they were?)

8. Have you ever burped in front of the opposite sex?
Burped, farted, puked, peed, pooped, bled, passed out drunk, scratched my arse, walked around naked and masturbated: marriage is an open doorway into the secret life of the opposite sex. (And no woman who has been married can deny this. All I can say if you do is “Liar liar, panties on fire.”)

9. Do you know all the words to the song on your myspace page?
Are you kidding? I hardly have enough time to manage my FriendFinder-x page.

10. Where is your mom at?
Probably squabbling with my dad in Banning, CA

11. How many different beverages have you drunk today?
Coffee, regular tea, black cherry tea, water, orange juice, apple juice, iced tea, diet Pepsi, vodka

12. What's one thing you wish to change about yourself?
I hate having a hairy back.

13. When was the last time you had sex?
November 7th, 2005 from 10pm until 10:07pm (there was foreplay involved which was why it took so long).

14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
Always and I would make a sand angel too, but you either get kelp or sand in your butt crack at an Oregon beach.

15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
Does getting your front teeth kicked in playing soccer count?

16. What is outside your back door?
The outdoors.

17. Do you have any plans for Friday?
Work from 4am to 4pm then off for a pint or two or three and a curry with the lads.

18. How many siblings do you have?
One, but she generated more than enough angst to equal the Brady bunch.

19. Do you have a secret crush?
Yes and it’s a not so secret crush too.

20. Do you keep in touch with your exes?
Every 15th of the month to the sum of $964.00

21. Do you dislike anyone right now?
George Bush, but that is more of a 7 year thing.

22. Something you are excited about?
At 44, there isn’t a lot that really excites me anymore. But, I did see a really cool recliner the other day though…..

23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO?
Orange flavor (with vodka added of course).

24. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?
No, but it wasn’t through lack of effort on their part. I had two that lived to be 100 and another that lived to be 97.

25. Describe your key chain?
It has my door key, truck key, office key, shipping office key, toolbox key and mailbox key: also there is an Aztec calendar on the chain. But not a Mayan calendar: that 12/21/2012 end of the world thing is just too worrying.

27. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group?
I speak in front of large groups every day (the fact that 90% of them are Japanese engineers and do not speak or understand a word of Engrish makes it very easy).

28. What kind of winter coat do you have?
Carrhart jacket, leather jacket, Columbia Sportswear coat, Adidas water-proof jacket for soccer,(and of course the hair on my back comes in nice and lush for winter).

29. What are the songs that reminds you of an ex?
It’s not so much a musical thing as a primal scream kind of thing, nails on a blackboard kind of thing, air raid siren kind of thing,a howling kind of thing, a snot sniffing kind of thing; you know, noises that make you just cringe then turn violent for no apparent reason.

30. Can you tie a cherry stem with your tongue?
I can’t say that I have tried, but I think I could learn to use my lips to braid pussy hair into dreadlocks; that is given time to practice (I will start off small with creating pubic punk rock spikes).

*(Just kidding, I have a Master’s in math.)


Fallic40 60M
1855 posts
10/17/2007 12:01 pm

    Quoting daneNH:
    You're too much!!! So, tell me, who are Reggie and Ronnie Kray?
dane,

Reggie and Ronnie Kray "ran" the London underworld dring the sixties as the twin heads of the notorious "Firm". They were mad as hatters, but very successful criminals none the less. They were also well in with a lot of entertainment and political figures of the day.

Check out the most excellent movie about them (cunningly called The Krays) starring the Kemp twins who were in Spandau Ballet.


rm_impish_pixie 61F
6862 posts
10/21/2007 2:11 pm

11. How many different beverages have you drunk today?
Coffee, regular tea, black cherry tea, water, orange juice, apple juice, iced tea, diet Pepsi, vodka


No wonder you're not sleeping....silly grumpy man.

I can tie a cherry stem...want me to teach you? **batting eyelashes**


I make mistakes, I am out of control & at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. ~Marilyn


rm__Safira 60F
11258 posts
10/28/2007 8:25 pm

POODLE ~ HOW did I miss this one??? Okay, I'm game.

1. Who ended your last relationship?
He did, and I actually survived. *go figure*

2. When is the last time you shaved your legs?
Being a girly girl who likes to be clean-shaven if only for myself, today.

3. What were you doing this morning at 8am?
Laundry and scrubbing my toilet.

4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago?
Saying good-night to you, my regular Sunday night ritual.

5. Are you any good at math?
Not really, but I fake it really well.

6. What were you doing last night?
THAT would be telling.

7. Do you have any famous ancestors?
I don't think so.

8. Have you ever burped in front of the opposite sex?
Absolutely!

9. Do you know all the words to the song on your myspace page?
I am forbidden by the Overlord Protectors from having a MySpace page.

10. Where is your mom at?
Which one? *sigh* Okay, okay. Biological mother is rolling-around in her grave because she was a self-proclaimed atheist, and I buried her in full Catholic regalia. (Trust me. She deserved it.) Step-mother is 90-minutes away, and I haven't seen her since February, 2006. Adopted mother is in Texas, and I haven't seen her since July, 2003. Both of which is not long enough for either. *too much negative energy in each lovely lady ... I wish them each well.*

11. How many different beverages have you drank today?
Water, Mint Tea, Green Tea, White Tea, Chamomile Tea, Coca-Cola (I know, I know ... Bad Safira!)

12. What's one thing you wish to change about yourself?
I wish I was more flexible.

13. When was the last time you had sex?
THAT would be telling!

14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach?
Yes!

15. What's the most painful dental procedure you've had?
Removal of two lower impacted wisdom teeth.

16. What is outside your back door?
Sadly, not my tire swing anymore.

17. Do you have any plans for Friday?
Work, then off to a club opening for my Best Ex.

18. How many siblings do you have?
One biological; four halvsies; three steps; three adopted (with one of those deceased) (though I don't considered any of them anything other than my brothers and sisters -- no differences)

19. Do you have a secret crush?
I think he's quite aware of my "feelings" for him and I his for me, but for some inexplicable reason, we don't feel the "need" to express them. *smirk*

20. Do you keep in touch with your exes?
Almost every day with my former spouse (we share two sons and are incredibly close without the sex) ... and about once or twice a week by telephone and once a month in-person with "He Who Broke-up With Me" because we share his daughter, my Kung Fu Pickle Princess.

21. Do you dislike anyone right now?
Yes.

22. Something you are excited about?
Being cancer-free ... Having children who are incredible human beings ... Surrounding myself with positive, nurturing folks who amaze and enlighten me every day -- and make me feel so incredibly blessed that hope is my all time favorite word.

23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO?
Oh my Life! I need two, please!! GMURN makes THE BEST Jell-O shooters! So however she makes the Apple ones (I think it's either with Apple Pucker and/or Vodka) ... And then Grape Jell-O.

24. Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?
No.

25. Describe your key chain?
My key chain is strong, trustworthy, and it's a bitch to get anything out of it -- just like me! Let me explain. It's very thick so it's hard to get keys on and off (much like it's hard to get anything out of me in the first place -- and you NEVER get me to reveal something that someone has shared with me -- EVER). And I am blessed that a few of my closest friends have given me the keys to their homes, just in case I find myself in their neck of the woods and need a place to stay -- or need to house-sit -- or whatever. I am honored.

26. What childhood skill do you still maintain to this day? *
I can climb trees with the best of them!

27. When was the last time you spoke in front of a large group?
Tuesday, 23 October 2007.

28. What kind of winter coat do you have?
Long, black leather coat (with dark maroon liner when needed; various capes; Nike All Weather Terrain jacket

29. What are the songs that reminds you of an ex?
"Lady" - Little River Band
"Let Go" - Frou Frou
"Chasing Cars" - Snow Patrol
"Good Enough" - Evanescence


30. Can you tie a cherry stem with your tongue?
Sadly, I am the only member of my family who cannot even roll my tongue. Ergo, I cannot tie a cherry stem with my tongue. However, well nevermind ... THAT would be telling!

*You missed #26 in your questions so I "added" it!

This is my blog - [blog _Safira]. There are many like it, but this one is mine.

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