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Another Thing I Need To Talk About
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Another Thing I Need To Talk About Hello Every Last night,I diussed that I also had other reasons why I avoided anything sexual. There is area that I haven't shared nor talked about yet and that is my issues with trust. Yes, I have trust issues. Why? For most of my life as I was growing up, I was the victim of bullying. I was bullied repeatedly by many, including those who were so ed friends, such as the narcissistic guy that I talked about last night. I was also bullied violently and my life was also threatened on many occasions during those terrible and difficult times. I was ed names repeatedly and was also the target of violence. I was thrown against walls and was beaten repeatedly by so ed tough guys who were chicken shit's because I couldn't fight for myself. I was also bullied into performing sexual things on other guys for their pleasure and was also the victim of a terrible violent sexual episode at the hands of a man who lived in my neighborhood when I was 16 old. I also almost lost my life when I was 17 after becoming the victim of getting hit by cars ago on a Saturday night when I was chased by a bunch of guys into them. I survived and healed, but the identities of those guys were never found out as nobody did anything to find out who the culprits were. This not only intensified my anger and rage, but also contributed to my trust issues that I have. They were instigated by my father who physiy and emotionally abused me. The other contributions were the bullies and the hool administrators who did really nothing to stop the bullying. It was like the bullies were the real s running things and the hool administration were just getting paid to sit on their<b> butts. </font></b>I also was the victim of violence at the hands of a boyfriend that my sister had ago who not only beat her, but also beat me and assaulted me. He also ed me names such as "fucking retard", "stupid fucking little shit", "stupid little mother-fucker" and many other nasty stuff. I was also ed "retard" or"retarded" by other as well. My Jehovah's Witnesses (JW's) involvement also contributed to my trust issues as they taught me that I couldn't trust any so ed "worldly friends" and that I had to say NO to offers of sex and anything related to it as single people had no business having anything sexual as that is only strictly reserved for married people only. JW's are simply not only an extreme legalism practicing group, but also an extreme moralist type group that thrive on shoving their moralism on any who they know is not only young, but also very vulnerable. I was both young, naive and very vulnerable. Later on, I realized that instead of hiding behind a religious cult, such as JW's, I should have just been open with my real friends about my issues, including trust, rather than hide behind something, such as a conditionally loving religious cult, which the JW's really are. They love bomb people when they first start with them, but when the "you know" hits the fan, the love bombing stops and then, all the relentless abuse and needless critical baly follows. They also kept telling me that I have to do more to please "God" than I was doing. I was doing the best that I could do, but it was never enough and after all the lies that I was a victim of, the relentless criticisms that I endured, their continuous abuse of Holy Bible riptures to suit their man-made doctrines and agenda, alongside a bitter argument that I had with my last study conductor that resulted in me leaving his place angry, hurt, cheated on and lied to, I dropped out and haven't looked back. This realization that I should have listened to those who truly cared about me made me regret the decisions that I supposedly made, which were all emotional manipulation and brainwashing in the worst sense. I really wanted to have sex of all kinds, but couldn't as a result of the baly teachings of a religious cult who preach that sex out of wedlock, oral sex and Homosexuality(including bisexuality and anything else related to it) is wrong and sinful, but cond the evil practice of pedophilia. They also don't do anything to their victims of this evil practice. They leave their who were/are victims crying and feeling not only shame, but also the pain of being used as some's thing for their own sick, evil and twisted perversions. I know what that's like as I too am a victim of sexual abuse myself, as I have said many times on here. At times, when the pain comes, I feel like crying as I can still feel the pain as fresh as I initially felt it when the abuse happened. The religious abuse of the JW's also messed me up and twisted me around mentally. I would love to get these issues resolved. My issues with anger, rage, fear, being ared and trust are the issues that i want and need to get resolved, but I really don't know how to go about getting them resolved. I am in therapy as I have been all of my life and I need some ideas or advice. I need to know what has worked for any of you if any of you have had these same issues. I have also said angry things to myself under my breath and there is nobody around when this happens. It's being angry at dead air and it makes me miserable. Again, if any here has any ideas or advice, I'm open to any suggestions. Please share in answers/replies to this post. Thanks in advance for anything ful. As I said, I'm open to any ideas or suggestions. Will write more when I can. Thanks and take care y'all. |
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