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A Few More Things I Need To Open Up About Myself Phase 2
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A Few More Things I Need To Open Up About Myself Phase 2 In my life, I have had a lot of relationships, non-romantic, with others that weren't too healthy and were pretty much negative. These relationships were mostly with other guys who had promiscuous<b> lifestyles </font></b>and most of them tried to pressure into having a lifestyle like that. As I've shared, I always refused and this has been the source of a lot of stress and tension, which only added to the emotional problems that I've been struggling with for a long time throughout my life. I have been in therapy for my emotional issues and problems, mostly for unresolved anger and rage and also, for depression and many other mental health issues. As stated, I've lived through many negative relationships, mostly with other guys who were promiscuous. But I want to talk about one relationship that I've had that was, I think, the worst of them all. This was also a guy that I've had the most difficult, if not impossible, time with, since junior and senior . This particular guy was very promiscuous. He talked off and on about his promiscuous lifestyle a lot as that was all he really ever talked about. He never really cared if nobody wanted to hear about it as he just kept talking about it. It was always him talking about how much he was getting laid, how much pussy he was getting and how many ladies he bedded on a regular basis. But that wasn't the worst part of it, although this guy had all the symptoms of being a sex addict, as mainly, he would always talk about it regardless of whether nobody wanted to hear about it or not. he also would speak a lot of misogynistic things about women as well and would always sexually objectify them. He also felt that everybody should be and live like him and if anyone wasn't being or living like him, that is when the tension and the name calling would begin. He also accused me of other things without proof in a judgmental type way. He accused me of being a Homosexual/Gay person and even accused me of having sexual relations with my own , although that never ever happened between and my . Again, it only added to the tension and simply made matters much worse than they were already at that particular time. This guy also was your typical and trademark narcissist. He was very narcissistic. He always bragged about how big he was down . He always bragged about how much he got laid. He always bragged about how many ladies he bedded, and also, bragged about how much pussy he was getting. When I chose not to copy him or his lifestyle and his attitude, he would make the target of name calling, insults, making me bad in front of others and always constantly rubbed my nose with his promiscuous lifestyle. Even to this day, he's still a narcissist and times, still has a habit of making me bad in front of others. It isn't as bad as it was then, but it is still pretty bad. Narcissism has always been a big turn-off for and it still is. I hate narcissism. I don't hate the people who are narcissistic. I simply hate the narcissism that they have. Even if I wasn't listening and getting involved with the Jehovah's Witnesses (JW) religion. Even if I didn't believe, or thought I believed, what they taught about sex, dating and relationships of that sort. His narcissism and his attitude and conduct sacred . I was afraid that I would become like him if I started having a promiscuous lifestyle like he did. I didn't want to be a narcissistic sex addict like he was. I simply chose to stay a virgin and avoid anything sexual as a result of that. My feelings were always hurt. I was always depressed and felt pretty unmanly. He made me feel like I wasn't man enough and that I was a coward for not wanting to have sex or wanting to get some like he was. I really wasn't a coward. I was simply afraid that I would turn into a narcissistic sex addict and guy like he was. His conduct gave me the worst impression. I also was afraid that if I did all of that and turned like him, I would lose the respect that many people had for and still have. I didn't want to risk losing all that I worked hard to get. It took a long time to become the man of respect that I am today. I still have people respecting me, including members of my own graduating . This guy made sex and anything related to it dirty and unpleasant. His misogynistic attitude, alongside his narcissism, also scared as I didn't want to be a misogynist like he was. His attitude towards women and what they were bordered on misogyny. I think women are beautiful people worthy of being respected by men and should never ever be objectified in a sexual way because of their biological differences and the way their bodies are. Women deserve to be treated with respect and dignity. I do feel that way and still feel that way. The worst thing he did was try to force me into sexual activity with a . He even abused his friendliness by doing so. I said NO as I wasn't sure. I was only trying to protect myself. With AIDS being a factor nowadays, I wasn't sure about this. He repeatedly tried to force and insist that I said YES to this, but instead, I ran away and just to spite , he for it anyway and subsequently cut off. He never helped again after that and expected to have to for it, but I didn't have the of to even think of it. Prior to this, I had a couple of bad accidental experiences with a couple of black prostitutes and after those terrible experiences, I made it my resolution to stay away from prostitutes and I've kept that resolution to this day. His subsequent cutting off and refusing to help after that only made see that he really didn't care whether I had sex with a woman or whether I got any pussy or not. He only wanted to start fights and arguments with me just so others' could say ", what Frank is doing to this guy is messed up. I feel sorry for this guy that Frank is refusing all of these things with as it is messed up and selfish of Frank to do these things." Again, he would always make me bad in front of others as a result of not satisfying his selfish, self serving and narcissistic ego. Although he's now married, he still hasn't changed as he is still much of what he was then and still is now. To top it all off, this guy, being the way he was attitude wise and all, was and still is a church going guy. He would speak objectively about women and their bodies and use their bodies for his own twisted and hateful type pleasures, but yet, continued going to church each and every week. IMHO, he was a terrible hypocrite. All of that, coupled with the rigorous JW religion and their man-made teachings and this guys narcissism and misogyny, made me feel all messed and screwed up inside. I still don't know what is right and what is wrong in regards to sex and anything related to it. As I said, I need someone to teach me about all of this and put me back on the right track. I still need to reclaim my true identity and restore what I have lost identity wise. I need help and also, I need to get back on track emotionally. I have lots of negative emotional energy and issues that I need to turn positive. Any help is appreciated. This is why on this site and looking for some sexual fun and also, maybe meet someone who can help me reclaim my identity and bring my dignity back. I've lost my identity somewhere and I need to find it again. Again, hoping that I can meet someone who can help me in this way. Yes, I am hoping and hopefully one day, I'll meet that person. More to come in the future. Stay tuned. |
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