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| Blogs > PurplePeach72 > No Ordinary Girl! |
Our First Blog: Naked Kitchen Time With The Viking & His Nympho
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Our First Blog: Naked Kitchen Time With The Viking & His Nympho Our First Blog: Naked Kitchen Time With The Viking & His Nympho What the hell does that mean you ask? Well you see my Viking and I decided long ago that when we have a disagreement we are going to get naked, in the kitchen and talk it out. If it’s really important then we will discuss it, work it out, settle it in the nude, and if it’s not that important we’ll be fucking. I had every intention of being naked in the kitchen when my Viking got home last night. I was not a happy camper. We had reached a milestone in our relationship – a negative one. I was thoroughly pissed off at him for the 1st time in the 9 months we’ve been together. Even more importantly, I was pissed at myself because I had berated myself, felt guilty for my doubts and doubted my own intuition. I’m not writing about this to air our dirty laundry or to feel superior. I’m writing about this because this is my therapy couch and I have to be able to express myself here. I’m not berating my Viking. He’s apologized, I’ve forgiven it and we are over this. In fact, he’s adding his own personal touches to this blog right now. I’m writing about this because it’s important to know that even fairy tale relationships have their bumps in the road. I’m writing about this because it’s important for me to be able to go back and read about how I felt. There’s been lots of discussion about<b> open relationships </font></b>and polyamory lately in the blogs and I strongly defend my and his choice to build a healthy open relationship. I believe<b> open relationships </font></b>can work and we are indeed making it work. We are swingers and we play with others together but we also have an open relationship. Either of us can see people of the opposite sex without the other person being present (under certain agreed upon boundaries and restrictions.) We’ve spent a lot of time recently hammering out the details of how we are both able, willing and comfortable letting the other person be involved with people of the opposite sex without us both being involved. Basically we have to be totally honest with the person we are looking to hook-up with about our relationship. Our relationship comes first. We cannot stay overnight with them or have them in the bed that we share with each other. We will not restrict the places we go or hang out because of seeing someone else. We will make sure that we let our partner know of any impending play beforehand if at all possible and immediately afterwards if not beforehand. After I went up to D.C., there was an agreement to talk about the play as soon afterwards as possible to assure the left out partner that things were still good. We both like to hear the details of our playtime so there’s no issue of “over” disclosure between us. It was a pretty simple discussion of what was he willing to accept if I was seeing another man and the same applies to him seeing other women. I have a bit more latitude when I’m seeing other women but then that is hardly the same as me seeing another man. If he was bi then the rules under which I’m allowed to be involved with a woman would apply, but he’s straight. Additionally, I haven’t had the opportunity to be involved with a woman the way like I’d like to be. I don’t have any desire to love another man but I would like to have a loving relationship with another woman. I guess that’s where my true poly nature comes out. I care about the men I sleep with or I can’t be intimate with them but I have no desire to love them; friends is enough of a connection. Sorry got off track there. So he and I had multiple discussions about how we would accept each other seeing members of the opposite sex without our partners and I felt pretty confident that we were on the same page. These discussions came about because he was pursued by a woman and had a date with her a couple of weeks ago. After the date, we started this discussion because since Europe there hadn’t been any other women on the side. I knew that the desire to chase or be chased would return for him. Hell, eventually it will return for me too but we’d had quite a while of just enjoying building on us, alone. We really hadn’t had much playing with other people either although we were both looking forward to some group play time. Last Monday we had a long discussion about what the expectations were for this past week since I knew he’d most likely be seeing the new chic again. Let me state as a fact up front that I do not have any issues with him fucking other women. I am not insecure. I am happy to share him with any other woman he wants to fuck. I have issues with how it’s handled and how our relationship is portrayed in order for him to fuck these other women. I am not the jealous type but I freely admit to be the possessive, protective type and I am the alpha female. My Viking is my guard dog, personal safety manager, protector supreme in all ways possible. I am my Viking’s emotional protector. I protect his heart and emotions from the world. It’s one of the few ways that I feel I can protect him. I give him a safe place to be emotional, loving and let his heart free. I refuse to take a secondary position to any other woman. Been there, done that and will not be going back there. I have fought long and hard to be the keeper and protector of my Viking’s heart and I will not relinquish that. He has a huge and tender heart that longs to not hurt anyone. Therein lies the crux of the matter. I left the discussion on Monday with the belief that he wasn’t going to fuck this new chic because he didn’t want to hurt her by being brutally honest with her about the state of our relationship and where that would leave her – one of the preconditions we have for playing alone with others. In other words he didn’t feel like he could tell her that he was willing to fuck her on Tuesdays when he’s there with my blessing while the rest of the week he’s home with the woman he loves. I felt a little bad about pushing that caveat of total honesty but it isn’t something I’m willing to compromise on. Like I told him, without the other woman knowing exactly where she stands there is the major likelihood of them falling in love with him. That equals heartache for all and more guilt for him. If she knows up front he’s in love with me and has my blessing to fuck other women but falls in love anyway then that is her problem and not his. He has enough guilt about shit he can’t change and didn’t cause so I don’t want him to have anymore. I’m a bitch. I have no problem putting all the cards on the table and I was certain that if he did there were still plenty of women more than willing to fuck him even under the circumstances we have. Women are remarkably good at convincing themselves of what they want to believe. So, I was under the impression that this affair was dead in the water before it really had begun. I even asked before he left if he thought she would be there Tuesday at their regular place and he said she generally wasn’t. He left Tuesday morning headed to school as usual. Things started to get exciting as soon as he got to school and starting checking e-mails – and sharing the news and updates with me. News on his family illness wasn’t good but not unexpected. That’s got him going back home for several visits and I’ll be going with him for a couple of them. Then came the big news of finding what was likely to happen in the next few years. I was glad he didn’t wait to tell me and gave me the news via a text message but I was totally freaking out about the future after I received it. This was nothing I was prepared for. I knew we’d have some time apart at some point but not almost a year and what was going to be a long – very long -- distance move hadn’t even been in the cards before. I called Lulu balling like a lunatic. Thank God for her and my other GF being the voice of reason and letting me be an emotional wreck with them. The Viking explained a few more things that made it a much more palatable change in plans – long distance move and all – and I was back to being just seriously stressed instead of a complete raving lunatic. I don’t always deal well with unexpected change. I’m a very flexible planner meaning that I like to have a plan for whatever possible alternative and then I’m ok with however things go. We had talked a lot about what the future might hold as far as moves and possible changes. This wasn’t on the radar so I wasn’t prepared for the possibility at all. I’ve spent my entire romantic life avoiding men who have their lives tied to a job that rules their lives. I’m not good with having amorphous and impersonal bodies decide how and where I live. I love him enough to accept this is life for the next decade but that doesn’t mean I’m not struggling to accept, process and do a good job of adjusting to the changes it will bring. So, fast forward. After class, he called me on his way to his normal Tuesday night hangout – the one this new chic was not supposed to be at. He reassured me, despite the job related news of-the-day it was going to be ok, that we were solid. Our relationship is the real deal and we would make it happen. We didn’t have all the details but we had enough to start formulating how to make it work. I felt better. I told him I was going to get on the computer to do some research and we’d talk more later. I wasn’t totally honest with him about how freaked out I was or how upset, worried, stressed I still was about the news. I try really hard to stay the strong person I was before I relied and leaned on him. We texted a bit during his dinner and I expected to hear from him after he was done for the night at his haunt. I was keyed up, worried and on edge. My intuition was working overtime and nagging the crap out of me. I wasn’t worried about him but I had a feeling things were happening that I wasn’t aware of. Around midnight, I started to wonder what was keeping him and was about to call him when the phone rang. Thunderstorms were raging from here to there and we kept getting disconnected. I told him I really wanted to talk to him. I was still on edge from the news of the day and really hadn’t got to talk to him about anything in enough detail. After our several failed conversations, I was convinced something was up. Part of me was scared he was hurt or just in danger, driving drunk in a severe storm – though driving intoxicated isn’t his style. Actually, I was convinced he was fucking another woman without telling me and using the bad weather as an excuse to not tell me until later if at all. I battled with myself about how I was feeling. I felt terribly guilty for doubting him and us. I berated myself for being paranoid and doubting what we have and share together. I wrote several paragraphs in my personal journal about how I had to stop being over reactive, suspicious and doubting. I waited patiently. I texted, I called, I instant messaged and I e-mailed him. I got 2 texts several hours apart. The 1st saying he loved me and hoped I got the text in the bad weather, the 2nd after several of my texts being worried about him telling me chill out. Texting me with “relax” at that point was not a wise choice of words from him to provide an emotional, worried, intuition ridden woman at 3am. I finally dozed off around 5:30am but woke up every hour or so dreaming. I finally got a text from him at 8am apologizing for having made me worry about him so much. He assured me he hadn’t been drinking that much, but couldn’t get in touch because of the storm, and was really sorry for having worried me. I went back to sleep until after lunch but my intuition was still nagging and would not rest. The e-mail came a few hours later and he told me he’d fucked her. I was fucking furious. Why, because I’d doubted and beaten myself up for doubting him, worrying about him while he was fucking someone else and I was right all along. I was really pissed I’d been worried about him for no reason. No he hadn’t broken any rules and in the end he was honest and totally open with me about it. The timing and circumstances just really sucked with the storm interrupting our conversations and such, but I felt totally off balance and out of the loop. I had one view of things – that he wasn’t going to fuck her – and no clue he might change his mind, even if he was entitled too. I wanted and needed to talk to him about the things we were dealing with in our future and he was busy partying and fucking some woman getting his ego stroked. I reminded myself that was how he felt while I was in DC partying, getting my ego stroked and fucking several other people. True…but I felt justified because I had texted beforehand and called after I fucked them both and reassured him. I reminded myself that this was just a bump. All the rules were followed – he did tell the chic he was involved – as we had discussed he would have to do if he wanted to play with a girl alone. The timing might not have been ideal, and there were some misunderstandings and miscommunications, but nothing serious. My reasoning didn’t change what I was feeling, but it did keep me grounded. I told him exactly how I felt in my reply to his e-mail and I knew I’d have to vent when he got home no matter how much we talked it out over email or text. I knew he didn’t mean to make me worry – that was the storm messing with our communications. I also knew how bad he was going to feel when he realized how hurt and pissed I was over the way it was handled. I felt guilty for feeling the way I did, knowing he didn’t mean for any of this to hurt or upset me – technically he DID follow the letter of the law, if not the intent. It didn’t matter, I couldn’t change how I felt, and I was determined that I would not bury it. One of the core strengths of our relationship is being able to totally be ourselves, warts, ugly feelings and all – and our amazing ability to share our emotions no matter how founded or unfounded they might be. It has been an essential – and valued – part of our relationship for us to put what we have felt out on the table and deal with it. I think this is a major reason our relationship has developed the way it has. The ability to air out our feelings to each other without having to defend ourselves or feel judged – on either side – is something special that cannot be overstated and I think a prerequisite for making this kind of lifestyle work. He apologized profusely and admitted he did not handle the circumstance or his communication with me well at all, and stated this well before he ever got back home to me. Honestly, I had already forgiven him before he came home but I knew I would need the face time to really move past it. The truth is I need this re-examining of it in this format to finish the processing. I’m an over thinker, I analyze everything to infinity. The fact he can sit here and edit this blog – putting his own touches on it [and assign blame where blame is due, with me - The Viking] – while I look on is downright remarkable and is a sign of how much we love and trust one another. Alright, moving on, he surprised me by coming home early so I didn’t have a chance to meet him naked in the kitchen [my loss  – The Viking]. He did however perform the feat for which he is renowned (at least by me) and carried me to the bedroom and we had our naked time there. We talked through all the things we had emailed about, the things touched on here. I felt bad about feeling justified and right – figure that one out! – while he was being so contrite and apologetic. It’s a weakness of mine to like being right so much. Even feeling so bad about feeling so right, I still felt totally vindicated from my feelings of guilt and doubt because my intuition was right – and I guess my smirk of righteousness showed because he called me on it [it did show; she didn’t even TRY to hide it…well maybe a little, but it still came through!!! – The Viking]. I got the details I wanted from him about how the sex with her was and then he proceeded to show me how much he missed me, and why there still is no substitute for us. The sex was fabulous as always. Honestly, that’s a major reason I never minded sharing. Sharing always makes me want and appreciate him even more and seems to have the same effect on him – he just gets hornier for me the more women he fucks. We have amazing sex. He apologized so many times I was feeling like a total bitch [it wasn’t THAT many times, and I meant EVERY one – The Viking]. Then he read the beginnings of this post and he apologized some more. I keep telling him he doesn’t need to apologize anymore. I’m over it. I’ve forgiven and unless it happens again will forget it. He’s way harder on himself than he needs to be [maybe, but it keeps me honest – The Viking]. Moral to this story: stay true to your love and keep thing open and honest. We work really hard to keep our relationship open, honest, truthful, and full of respect for each other. Neither of us has ever had this level of equality, respect and love in a relationship and we are not going to let anything come between us or damage that. This was a good growth opportunity for us and we came through it stronger and more sure of our love and relationship than ever. And, we got to write our first blog together. Kisses, LA    |
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Congratulations on your first blog together. Kisses
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Congrats on your first blog together. The relationship that the two of you have is amazing. I know that I would not be able to pull it off but I love reading about how the two of you are accomplishing it.  BehindMyBlues
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Glad you worked it out, and came out crazier of each other than before. The site blocked all accounts from my country and I'm on a proxy server which is soooooooo slow and freezes all the time. Just want to say " hello, I'm thinking of you, sexy woman". boobie hugs---Cath
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9/24/2011 1:39 pm |
Its great that you guys have such great open communication. From what I can tell an open relationship is just a 'tad' tougher than a 'vanilla' one and huge kudos to you guys there. As long as you keep the communication, and understand going like you have, the few bumps you have along the way should just be that, minor bumps on a fun and joyous ride.
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Well every relation ships have their bumps (or at least that is what I've seen with others and been told several times). So things are going to happen. And I would imagine that an open relationship would be even more work and have more potential for bumps then a "vanilla" relationship. Good for your too being able to work past it and move on. 
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I believe that open communication with your partner is the only way to go. Rules need to be followed, not only to the letter, but also within the spirit. Glad you two worked it out. You have to be patient with each other too...it takes time to really adjust to each others ways and understandings. I think that so far you have done very well...both of you. Please keep it up...You are my Heroes!!
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I also think part of the reason you were so emotional was because of all the changes on the horizon and that you and he hadn't even fully discussed them yet. I'm so glad you could both communicate openly and it was cool to see his little interjections in the post ***
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