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| Blogs > PurplePeach72 > No Ordinary Girl! |
Monday Musing on a Sunday
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Monday Musing on a Sunday I woke up at 11:20am today and actually felt rested for a change. I know for most of you that sounds like a luxurious day of sleeping in but lately I’m barely getting 3-4 hours of sleep at a time if I get up before noon. I got to bed before 2am, also an improvement. The night before that I didn’t get to sleep until 8am. Unfortunately, I woke up this morning with a terrible pain in my neck. I must have slept on it wrong. I hate having a crick in my neck and this one is very painful. It even hurts to talk or eat. If it’s not any better I’m going to have to make the trip to Columbus to see my chiro for an adjustment before I have a massage at 11am tomorrow. Monday is normally my day to reflect on my weekend but since Lil Bit was gone to a friend’s house I had most of my Saturday night and Sunday -free. She got an invite for an impromptu sleep-over yesterday evening. The little girl’s house was on my way to the horses so I agreed and dropped her off. I knew Mr. Mud was busy as were most of my other friends. I was actually happy to just have a night alone. I was still tired from last week. I got to have an epic chat session with my Viking before he went to bed. I fed the doggles and watched some TV. My Viking suggested not getting cable or satellite TV in Italy. I don’t watch much TV and he watches even less. I think it surprised him that I wasn’t willing to agree to that. What little TV I do watch, I really enjoy. Being in a foreign country for any length of time makes me homesick and I like to be able to turn on the TV and hear familiar accents. We won’t even bother adding how distressing no TV would be for Lil Bit on top of a move like this. He understood my reasons why and I understand his reasons for not wanting it. The Viking and I communicate more from 7521 miles apart than most people who live together do. Most people would probably think we are insane but it works for us quite well. I seriously doubt that there is anything of significance in my life that he couldn’t fill you in on. He knows when I leave for my dates and when I’m headed home. We talk on the phone every day at a certain time and often talk several times. We chat on the computer when he is still in his room getting ready for bed or ready for work. We email each other epic emails when the other is sleeping and unavailable to talk about things. We are reading a book on building and sustaining<b> open relationships </font></b>together and discuss each chapter as we finish reading it. We are about to discuss the chapter on compersion which is a topic that shows in blog posts occasionally. For those that don’t know compersion is a fairly new word that is a feeling of sharing in your partners’ enjoyment, joy and happiness even if you are not part of it. It is the opposite of jealousy but they are not mutually exclusive. One of the books definitions of compersion is “an emotional state where your insecurities are so low, your trust so high, and your value in the happiness of your partner(s) so far beyond your own baggage, that seeing them have good relationships with other lovers inspires nothing but joy and contentment in you.” It has much broader meaning though, in many other aspects of life. For example, if your partner has an opportunity or an interest that may not appeal to you or require a change for you but their enjoyment and happiness is more important than your issues with it. This isn’t a skill we are born with in my opinion very few of us are capable of being truly happy for our partners when it does not involve some benefit to us. We have to learn compersion by letting go of negative emotional states, being honest and open with ourselves and our partners and truly wanting happiness for those we love. Truly loving someone means putting aside your own issues to facilitate happiness for all. I do think some people are more intuitively capable of compersion just as some people are more innately jealous or possessive. I am not naturally a very jealous person but I am a possessive person by nature at least when it comes to my time with a lover or partner. I have always dated multiple people even before I discovered my alternative sides. Until I was ready to seriously be committed to someone I was involved with multiple men at one time but it was all very open and honest. It was just more comfortable for me to see lots of people until I found the right person to be exclusive with. I often stayed friends with these men even after we weren’t dating any longer. I was generally happy for them when they found other partners they were happy with. By the time I starting exploring swinging and my bi-sexuality in my 30’s I was very comfortable watching and enjoying my partners with others. It was a bit difficult for me to understand the other side. But as I gained more experience with having multiple partners I realized my level of compersion changed with each person depending on how secure I was in that relationship with that person at that time. This comes up all the time with multiple FWB’s situations including my current Trinity of lovers. It’s important that they realize that my being in their beds is a direct result of my Viking’s high level of compersion and accept the primacy of my relationship with him. In order to encourage compersion I share everything I possibly can with my Viking about my adventures. Sometimes that’s just telling him all about it and sometimes there are pics & video. I also want to make sure that my Trio knows that I’m happy to share them, happy to hear about their other pursuits and am even willing to help in any way I can even if that means I have to give up my time with them. The hard part for me is figuring out how much each of them wants to hear about my other relationships. They are stuck hearing about the Viking but everyone has a varied tolerance for disclosure of other sexual exploits. There’s a fine balancing act of assuring every one of their place in my life while sharing the fun of our time apart. The whole FWB relationship is a balancing act. Several of my FWB’s are like my Viking and read my blog regularly. That’s a huge plus for me because then I’m sure I’ve disclosed all I can to them without any discomfort…lol…. My Viking and I were talking about my plans with the Trio over the next week and he wondered why I wasn’t going out on the lake, to BBQs or other social Labor Day activities with any of my lovers. I don’t think he had looked at me from the other guys’ perspective. He only sees me the way he loves me but for these guys there is a whole different view. As a married woman who loves sex and is in an open relationship I am the ultimate FWB for them. I’m safe for the single man in 3 ways, emotionally, sexually and friendship wise. I’m emotionally safe because I’m already committed to another man so there is no danger of me getting overly attached to them. For some my polyamorous nature is an even bigger bonus because some men get off on the high of a woman falling in love with them. That’s a possibility with me but the end result won’t change because of it. I seem safe once again in another way. Sexually I’m safe because I’m a sure thing. My primary reason for seeing them is to make up for the lack of sex while my Viking is gone. My Viking & most of my FWB’s would say I’m insatiable. That isn’t really true, when my Viking is home for extended periods of time I am completely satisfied and we will level out to an average of twice a day, a sprinkling of 4 or more session days and even a few days a month where we don’t have sex at all by our own choice. When he’s gone there is no way my sexual need can be met because I have to go for many days or a week without any sex. My free weekends are like an orgasm marathon. When he was in DC we were the same way. Our extended weekends every 2 weeks were epic fuck-a-thons. My emotional needs are met by my Viking so all my lovers have to do is fuck me well, treat me with respect and as a friend. I am safe as a friend as well. I’m not a female friend who will be upset when they wind up with another woman. No I’m like a male friend, a wing man happily cheering them on and occasionally even helping out. I try to make it very clear that they can talk to me about anything and I will give them my honest opinion without judgment. I know having that kind of friendship is rare. That’s the good side of me being married and safe. The downside is that we live in the Bible Belt and most single men cannot take a married woman around their group of friends without some censure. Not to mention possibly ruining any chances of the relationships he is chasing within his group of friends. I make sure that my partners are not so freaked out that they can’t be seen in public with me by going on public dates to dinner, movies, drinks or something along those lines. How they treat me in public is a huge indicator of how well we are going to get along overall. The guys who can’t keep their eyes and hands off of me in public are tops. They are happy for it to be assumed that they are the one who put that rock on my left hand. That can’t happen with their private circle of friends so it creates a natural secretiveness to the relationship and limits our opportunities for interaction. In a bigger city it isn’t as big an issue because mores are more open. No matter how much we enjoy each other’s company the limits of our society do play a part in our time spent together. Even among our lifestyle friends, I don’t think most of them would be comfortable with me bringing another man around. I think all my GF’s would be fine with it but we don’t see each other that regularly. In several of our chats lately my Viking has teased me about being manic depressive. After the 3rd time he mentioned it in the last week or so I started wondering if he was really just kidding or if he was seriously worried I was suffering from some form of bi-polar disorder. My dad and a close member in his family are severely affected by this disorder to the point that we have basically cut them out of our lives to limit the emotional damage they inflict on everyone around them. We are both intimately acquainted with the behavior of people with severe bi-polar I disorder. I worried if he really thought I had the disorder. Something like that could have some very far reaching effects on our lives together. I know I’m at a much higher risk for the disorder because there is significant occurrence in my immediate family. I knew that I had some of the symptoms but just didn’t know enough about the clinical definitions to know if I really fit them. I was fairly sure that my therapist would have identified this while I was under his care for several years but then again I was on a regular medication for depression during all of the time period. I have tons of the criteria for the Bi-polar II disorder and the cyclothymic version but my episodes are less severe and not on the level that indicate a disorder. Also there’s plenty of instances and research to suggest that significant life stress events can bring on short episodes that are similar to the disorder but subside when the event is over. I’ve had many traumatic experiences accompanied by bouts of depression but my up periods never reach the manic phase. I’m just returning to normal after a bout with depression. Compared to my depressive self I am much more active and productive but it really is just getting back to normal. I felt better about my self-diagnosis after a couple of online quizzes and questionnaires designed to help you talk to your Dr. about the possibility of having the disorder. I also asked my Viking about it and he confirmed that was how he saw it as well. My dad we have completely cut out of our lives since he decided to break his word and not return my other African Grey parrot to me as he promised. Coco has always been a disputed ownership. He repeated this promise to the Viking on multiple occasions but even worse in front of Lil Bit. Now he’s refusing to live up to his word and claiming I’m a liar. I’m heartbroken because he has 3 greys and 3 horses that are all suffering because he lives in squalor and filth. He can barely take care of himself never mind the animals. I was hoping to at least get one bird out of that and back into my care. Now we have to wait until he dies to save the animals. I’m his next of kin and his only immediate family left. As a result of the emotional turmoil his latest drama has caused I decided I needed to reach out to my half-brother on his side. I’ve only met him once in 1995 when he was a . I was 22 and had just given up my 1st in an open adoption. I was deep into self-discovery and recovery with the adoption agency’s available therapy. I knew my dad had some other contact with him but I didn’t until recently when he found me on FB. He was trying to get in touch with dad for something or other and had lost his information. Anyway, we had a really nice chat on FB about keeping in touch and making an effort to be family even without my father in either of our or our ’ lives. He has 2 boys the youngest just a couple of months old. He looks so much like my dad it is eerie. The ironic thing is that he doesn’t have my dad’s last name so the blood line will carry on but not the name. I’m trying to work out a long weekend after the holidays to go up to Kentucky and visit him. On the weird side of life, I had a random text from an unknown middle-aged ugly man who claimed to have chatted with me over 5 years ago and just decided to get back in touch. That was a very freaky conversation and ended with me instructing him to delete any and all of my contact information. Then the day after the wreck the Viking reminded me that I had a nightmare I told him about the night before the accident that was about the eerily similar. There were additional people and animals present in my dream and it ended badly at the bottom of the hill we wrecked on, but it was the same. I don’t claim to be psychic but this kind of thing happens to me fairly often. I try to write down and tell the Viking about dreams like this that I remember after waking up as generally months later it or something very similar happens. Do you ever dream about your future or recognize things that happen in your dreams? I have a very busy week with Zumba 3 times, Girl Scouts and cheerleading starting, the insurance adjusters coming, needed Dr.’s appointments, massage & the Cub. The pic is from the Cub’s phone on Friday. He sent them to me this weekend. Now if I could only get the video off his phone. I know my busy week will end with a great weekend of tons of great sex so it will be well worth it. I hope you all have a great week! Kisses, LA  Kisses, LA    |
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very hot photo. Kisses
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Yet again a very insightful post on the hows and whys of this lifestyle. Also a look into what makes the peach tick.(ok that sounded really odd) Paired with an awesome POV pic, another home run in my opinion. As an aside, the pic for the post before this is just pretty darn awesome! Thanks for ssharing with those of us less fortunate. Take it easy, guns are cold. Take it easy, guns are cold. 
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It's interesting that only now have they thought of a word which is the opposite of jealousy? Not sure if I like the phonetics/sound of com-per-sion, as it does not sound as it means (sounds too clinical/sterile to me). They always say that if you are truly in love with a person, you want them to be happy no matter what. I know this is right, but I still struggle with jealously issues. Thoughts from the Garden...
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You do indeed have a perfect relationship L. I envy you and can only hope everything continues to be ideal for you.
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Sounds like for compersion to work one needs to be secure in who one is and not lie to yourself. Don't think most people fit either category. When do you move? If you see me in the real world, come say "Hi Justskin." I always behave. Preferably not well. 
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You know you are going to start a riot at the Viking store, with everyone clamoring to have their own! So many things to think about, and some new information (to me). Always the teacher, eh? Ur.Grrl.CC 
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