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LOST BAGGAGE
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LOST BAGGAGE Most of you know my propensity for loosing things: keys, sunglasses, keys, my mind and keys. So, one would naturally think loosing things would be a snap for me. In actuality I have been carrying some baggage from previous relationships. I guess that makes me like most people. Our experiences both good and bad shape us into the people we are. The trick I think is to keep the good, while loosing the bad That is exactly what I have been attempting to do. In some of my previous relationships my “partners” equated my lovable goof persona with lack of intellect. My absent mind and my solo games of hide and go seek with lost objects gave the appearance of additional credence to that assumption The problem was not that it was assumed I was a ding<b> dong. </font></b>That I could live with. In actuality being underestimated has its advantages. What I took issue with was being treated and talked to as if I was a dimwit. Either of those would raise my hackles immediately. My sweet Mermaid never has done this to me at all, but I have misread her at times and reacted to a perceived slight. She understands my reaction, but she should not have to. It is my issue and I am working to rid myself of it. That brings me to what I actually intended to write about initially, music as baggage. Almost all songs remind me of someone, sometime, or somewhere. Some songs; first dances at weddings, or other “special songs” I would rather eat my lungs then hear again. Those are the simple ones. My question is about songs that specifically remind me of past relationships or partners. Songs of no special significance other than when I heard them or who I heard them with? Do I treat them as baggage and banish them? Do I remove them from my baggage and embrace the music for the simple pleasure it is? Letting the triggered memory happen and pass right though my sieve like mind. I am really interested in your ideas and advice on this musical baggage thing and baggage in relationships in general Until Next Time I am as always just me XX and ^5 MJ |
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11/7/2007 9:50 am |
I understand completely about the music thing. My ex and I listened to mostly country music....I can't abide it these days! I just have no patience for it at all. Sweet Baby and I listen mostly to oldies and some newer music. He has very eclectic tastes in music and has introduced me to some I really hadn't listened to before. I think that if you really enjoy the music....you should just let the memories come and go and continue to enjoy the songs, unless of course they had a particularly special meaning to a particular relationship. In that case you might have to cull those. Baggage is a hard thing to rid yourself of, that's for sure. So much of it is learned behavior. I was married for 27 years, and there are certain things that trigger negative responses in me no matter how hard I try to react otherwise. Sweet Baby understands this....he was married for 23 years and has the same problem. We just try to be aware of one another's triggers and not trip them! lol Of course every once in a while one slips up on us....but we always talk it out. I've discovered that second (and subsequent) relationships are really hard after you've been in a really long term one. So I guess we are all just a work in progress!  Power To FOK
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11/7/2007 10:02 am |
Music is a powerful thing. It is amazing how it can evoke such emotion and memory. I don't think you should banish your old songs as baggage. With me...I couldn't listen to Journey, Dokken, ect., ect...because it brought up painful memories of people I once loved. I think once you are truley healed you can replace bad memories of a loved one, with positive thoughts and look back with a smile, instead of regret or grief. Really you can throw out baggage, but you can never completely erase someone who has left an impression in your heart.   
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"Turn around-every now and then, I get a little bit lonely, and you're never comin' 'round...." No, I don't have any music/relationship attachments. But the era, especially 1980-85, my early teen years, are forever memorialized in the cheesy tunes of the era. (Like the afore-quoted schmaltz-ballad 'Total eclipse of the heart') "Turn around, bright eyes..."  "You can't fix stupid...."
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We all have baggage. Every past relationship we have had adds to that baggage and it is virtually impossible NOT to accidentally hold our current partner responsible for past ills....the fact that you aknowlege that you do it is a good sign that you can turn it around. Music does that to me as well....it conjures up images/memoreis immediately. Pull My Fucking Hair! 
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"When I finish my laundry, and air out my head Gonna look for another long-haired man to help me make my bed You know that I;ll miss him, but strangely I'm glad Gonna make it alone, and that's what so sad" Keep the songs, if you like them, and lose the memories... Elevate me... 
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Welcome to my blog XX MJ
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Cookie That is great advice. There is something to be learned from every experience even the negatives ones XX MJ
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I understand completely about the music thing. My ex and I listened to mostly country music....I can't abide it these days! I just have no patience for it at all. Sweet Baby and I listen mostly to oldies and some newer music. He has very eclectic tastes in music and has introduced me to some I really hadn't listened to before. I think that if you really enjoy the music....you should just let the memories come and go and continue to enjoy the songs, unless of course they had a particularly special meaning to a particular relationship. In that case you might have to cull those. Baggage is a hard thing to rid yourself of, that's for sure. So much of it is learned behavior. I was married for 27 years, and there are certain things that trigger negative responses in me no matter how hard I try to react otherwise. Sweet Baby understands this....he was married for 23 years and has the same problem. We just try to be aware of one another's triggers and not trip them! lol Of course every once in a while one slips up on us....but we always talk it out. I've discovered that second (and subsequent) relationships are really hard after you've been in a really long term one. So I guess we are all just a work in progress! We are all a work in progress to be certain. XX MJ
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Music is a powerful thing. It is amazing how it can evoke such emotion and memory. I don't think you should banish your old songs as baggage. With me...I couldn't listen to Journey, Dokken, ect., ect...because it brought up painful memories of people I once loved. I think once you are truley healed you can replace bad memories of a loved one, with positive thoughts and look back with a smile, instead of regret or grief. Really you can throw out baggage, but you can never completely erase someone who has left an impression in your heart. As a man known for a bad memory you'd think I would not have any trouble erasing my link to the music of my past. I guess with passing time the wounds scar over and I can hear my old favorites again XO MJ
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"Turn around-every now and then, I get a little bit lonely, and you're never comin' 'round...." No, I don't have any music/relationship attachments. But the era, especially 1980-85, my early teen years, are forever memorialized in the cheesy tunes of the era. (Like the afore-quoted schmaltz-ballad 'Total eclipse of the heart') "Turn around, bright eyes..." I just heard that on the radio five minutes ago ^5 MJ
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Silver  Janis could belt them out like no one else before or since. There is a young female singer, Joss Stone, that gets close to Janis' power and soul. I like the idea of desensitizing myself to some music to remove the attached memories XO MJ
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We all have baggage. Every past relationship we have had adds to that baggage and it is virtually impossible NOT to accidentally hold our current partner responsible for past ills....the fact that you aknowlege that you do it is a good sign that you can turn it around. Music does that to me as well....it conjures up images/memoreis immediately. Hun thanks for the positive reinforcement  Music is like a Wayback Machine for me. Instantly transporting me to a time long ago and often far away XO MJ
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~lips~ Time heals everything almost XO MJ
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Jay4 I guess as it is said If you don't remember the past you are doomed to repeat it. So I guess a reminder once and awhile may not be a bad thing. You are right music is a wonderful thing XO MJ
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Janet It does sound like you were busy  I like your idea about replacing the memory Love the quote you are using as a signature XO MJ
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11/14/2007 1:54 pm |
I think, that a lot can be changed if you just change your perspective. Your past, both the good and the bad, has made you the wonderful person that you are today. Learn to embrace your past, be grateful for the lessons that you have learned, no matter how painful they may have been. Be thankful that you have someone as amazing as your mermaid to benefit from your life lessons learned. Condition yourself to be able to hear the music you have loved until you only feel a minor twinge of regret...and allow the mermaid to help you get there...she's strong, she can handle it. Love ya both! Redhot  
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HI HUn I read all of these and I agree with silver mostly, I had a song that would tear me apart but over the years as I allowed myself to listen to feel the feelings that it stirred within in me it changed and it became a precious memory not a memory that tore me up. Best wishes
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I think, that a lot can be changed if you just change your perspective. Your past, both the good and the bad, has made you the wonderful person that you are today. Learn to embrace your past, be grateful for the lessons that you have learned, no matter how painful they may have been. Be thankful that you have someone as amazing as your mermaid to benefit from your life lessons learned. Condition yourself to be able to hear the music you have loved until you only feel a minor twinge of regret...and allow the mermaid to help you get there...she's strong, she can handle it. Love ya both! You are right she is a strong lady. I am so lucky to have her in my life. Love you too XO MJ
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HI HUn I read all of these and I agree with silver mostly, I had a song that would tear me apart but over the years as I allowed myself to listen to feel the feelings that it stirred within in me it changed and it became a precious memory not a memory that tore me up. Best wishes I will give that a try. Embracing the feelings and then changing them to a more positive emotion XO MJ
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11/29/2007 9:06 am |
~soft smiles~ Hey you....in my case...i still remember the song and what it reminded me of....but the feelings that it used to bring up inside of me are gone...therefore, i am just enjoying the music as a reminder of a memory....long gone and in the past...and enjoying the music as it is..... truthfully though...after years and years...there are some songs (very few and far between though) that i still avoid.... if i can do it, i know you can do it too!!
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12/15/2007 7:16 am |
The mind associates many things together -- one being music with events or people we've known. If the music drums up (sorry for the pun) sad feelings, then by no means listen to it. Why put yourself through that? I say bannish the baggage and create new favorite songs!
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