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Be my barbie and I'll be your GI Joe
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Be my barbie and I'll be your GI Joe Barbie gets a bad wrap for setting an unreasonable standard for little girls , and rightfully so , but no one ever looks at the other side of the equation . I mean what's the yin without the yang ? GI JOE is even worse if you ask me . Lets examine the evidence shall we ? If you want to be just like Barbie all you have to do is be 5’9” tall Have a 39” bust Have an 18” waist Have 33” hips Have 3 shoes and weight 110 pounds Sure you'd fit the weight criteria for anorexia but on the plus side you likely would not menstruate . That's a tall (and pretty fucked up if you ask me) order , but its not impossible - just highly improbable . I mean come on , we're on the internet here people - you can probably find 7 to 11 thousand women pretty close to that doing any perverted sex act you'd like to see . But , on the other hand , when's the last time you met a man who's shoulders and waist could rotate 360 degrees ? Never ? You're god damn right , but that is a frakking superpower my friends (albeit a lame one) . But that's not the worst part of trying to live up to GI Joe . The worst part is removing your genitals (I suggest burning them off with a branding iron) subjecting yourself of a massive series of plastic surgeries to make the area nice and smooth (as if you disgusting genitals had never existed at all) and then dying of a ruptured bladder . My comparison that Barbie thing doesn't look so bad does it ? Speaking of dying , the other day I heard this idiom "Live fat , die old , and leave a weird looking corpse ." Where did that come from ? All I've been watching lately is Breaking Bad and that doesn't seem right . Anyway , back to GI JOE . Most people's favorite were either Snake Eyes (lame) or Stormshadow (admittedly pretty cool) but since I'm such a unique and special individual obviously my favorite was way more obscure and cool - Zartan , Master of Disguise . He has a lot going for him (like a wave runner , the most practical of military vehicles) but the best thing about him was that he had a bunch of redneck , inbred , jerkoffs losers as minions . It was like the odd couple , only awesome . Plus Stormshadow and Snake Eyes both wouldn't even in around without Zartan so there . Sadly Zartan died in Gi JOE Resolute , but there was a much more traumatic/awesome moment from my childhood . You see the GI JOE cartoon was (obviously) for , guns fired harmless bolts of colorful light , no one ever got hurt , and there was always a valuable lesson to be learned . So , completely unsuspectingly my mom bought be a GI JOE comic . The comic ? Not for . In the comic guns shoot things called bullets , and these "bullets" cause people to die . And the only lesson to be learned was that Vietnam was pretty messed up . Most of the characters were Vietnam vets and they were the Deer Hunter kind . And then there were Scarlet's totally nude boobs on I think the 4th panel in - not even the 4th page , the 4th PANEL . I loved it of course . It was cancelled a few issues later and replaced with a friendly version , but at that point they had already printed close to 200 issues . Its one of the few comics I still collect . I had a thing about Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman I was going to write about , but I decided it was dumb - too dumb even for this blog . So instead I'll share that I've started sleeping in the nude recently . I don't know why . Normally I never do that unless I'm with a lady . Its been hottish , but not that hot . Anyway , I leave you with this . I love books , but I hate the library (that's a dumb story too) so half price book stores are one the few places I do serious shopping . You find some weird stuff in a second hand book store .  Such as , The ToyBag Guide to Erotic Knifeplay "A shiny blade against smooth soft skin is terrifying , of course, but for many people also highly erotic ." I assume that "erotic knifeplay" is like that scene in The Animatrix where the couple slash each other's clothes off with swords . I'm thinking this is one of many things that looks like fun in a cartoon , but should probably be avoided in real life . So on that count, I have mixed feelings about The ToyBag Guide to Erotic Knifeplay . On one hand , I don't like the idea of a book legitimizing the whole knife-sex thing . On the other hand , if you're going to start practicing a sex act where you whip out both your dong and a razor sharp blade at the same time , you better damned well study up on how to do it right . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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Ooooh I had a total thing for Dr. Quinn also. Um, actually for her long haired boyfriend, Byron Sully. Mmmmmmmmm.... (my boyfriend at the time, also was called Byron. I think he put up with my crush on Byron S. seeing that they shared the same dorky first name)   
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Don't ask don't tell was a huge bonanza for the Joes - 500 dudes and one lady (who was kind of a bitch) Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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I do , all the time Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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Ooooh I had a total thing for Dr. Quinn also. Um, actually for her long haired boyfriend, Byron Sully. Mmmmmmmmm.... (my boyfriend at the time, also was called Byron. I think he put up with my crush on Byron S. seeing that they shared the same dorky first name) Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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FriendFinder-x seems to hate my pictures lately - since you can't see it it is a picture of my dick , and its awesome . There may or may not be a tiny top hat and monocle involved . FYI , fishing a tiny monocle out of a lady's nether parts - pretty hard . Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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