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40deuce vs. a big black dildo
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40deuce vs. a big black dildo The other day my lady friend mentioned to me that if I looked in her shower I'd see "a big black dildo" , I don't remember what preceded that but it was actually within the flow of the conversation . It got me thinking . First of all are their white dildos ? I've never seen one . Granted I haven't seen a ton of dildos in my life , but enough . What does that say about us as a society ? But more importantly , if someone had to choose between me and a big black dildo which way would they go ?  So what does a woman look for in a man (or sex toy) ? I have not clue . Zero . But thankfully the internets are full of sites that will tell me . Turns out that women want ; Humor I'd call bullshit on this because I know some pretty funny dudes who couldn't get laid in a humorous metaphor of some kind . But its on the internet so who I am to argue ? I said a couple funny things once . I think I did something back in '99 that was pretty funny too . But am I funnier than dildo ? They are inherent funny , but maybe I am . Am I funnier than a big black dildo ? No way . Making things bigger is always funnier . And black is the funniest color . You might think yellow is but its not , its black . 40Deuce 0 Big Black Dildo 1 Intelligence Again this seems way wrong to me because I see 100% of hot ladies with morons , but you know , internet . Am I smarter than a big black dildo ? On the surface this seems like a no-brainer (literally) I mean I'm writing a blog post right now ; can a dildo do that ? (note to self , get the domain name to canadildodothat) No . Nor can it master the violin , play World of Warcraft until its eyes bleeds , punch a duck in the quacker or any of the other things I can do with my human brain . But then again , not being able to think means you don't think things that are dumb . I believe in chupacabra with all my heart . I believe voting matters . I believe people are not evil . All patently false things - so in that respect maybe a dildo is smarter right ? Its merely a difference of expectations maybe but the fact remains that the dildo never disappoints . Sure I can do very simple math in my head (which makes me Einstein compared to many) but on the other hand I paid money to see Cirque De Soliel (and not the one where they hump each other) . 40deuce 0 Big Black Dildo 2 Confidence This one is going to be pretty lopsided . I have none . Period . Does the dildo ? I say yes . I've spent a lot of time looking at dildos in preparation for this and there's just something about that that bespeaks a certain air of authority . They know why they're there , you know why they're there "lets do this thing" they seem to be saying . If you can anthropomorphize a dildo (which I can) . Plus black is a confidence color . And what with the biggness and all ? Forget about it . 40deuce 0 Big Black Dildo 3 Emotional availability What the shit does that even mean ? Emotions are dumb and should be hated . Just kidding , just trying to prove a point . I don't know why (actually I do) but I have a stone where my heart should be (malachite I believe) . At first blush this seems like a tie , but then again , a dildo won't jump out the window if you start crying (I did that once) or say "sweet Jesus why ?!" if you tell it you love it . Its willing to accept you just the way you are . 40deuce 0 Big Black Dildo 4 Common interests Again this seems like BS to me , is there a man and woman in the world anywhere that have any common interests ? If you said yes you're a deluded fool (and smelly) . The only things men like are monster trucks and titties . All women like are scented douches and greeting cards . This is a fact . Dildos love greeting cards . 40deuce 0 Big black dildo 5 Its a clean sweep . I'm glad there's no reason anyone would ever have to choose - you can have me AND a huge jet dildo (at the same time if you're into it) yay ! So there's a "joke" that goes "what's green and slimy and smells like pork" and the punchline is "Kermit the frog's dick" . Which is weak ass , but "Kermit the frog's dick" is too good a punchline to be wasted . Come up with some set-ups for that that are funny . Thanks . In other news today was bosses day apparently , which if you ask me should be a day you get to side kick your boss in the junk . I happened to be walking by when my co-workers gave our new boss a card and some flowers . She mistook me for part of the sycophant horde and tried to hug me (she's a hugger) . I put my hand out to stop her , as is my tradition (because don't touch me - malachite remember) and unlike most people she didn't draw back so basically I got to<b> second base </font></b>with my boss . Against my will . I should file a complaint (which would be funny because she got the job to sweep under the rug an incident where she was harassed) . In other news I've decided now that I've fulfilled my goal of sleeping with all the members of my high school varsity girls basketball team (JV is for chumps) my new goal is going to be to sleep with all the pink power rangers . Goals are important I hear . So let me know if you have an "in" with ; Melody Perkins Patricia Ja Lee Alison MacInnis Christina Masterson Erin Cahill Catherine Sutherland Valerie Vernon Amy Jo Johnson (especially) Alycia Purrot Angie Diaz Or if you just have a pink power ranger costume for some reason and want to get shaggy drop me a line . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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During the 80's and 90's there were some Postal Workers that decided to shoot one another. There was one where the guy was sent home, and when he came back he was wearing a dress and outside of the dress he had a large WHITE strap-on dildo Not to put to fine of a light on it, but dildos might end up black {or dark brown} regardless of what color they started as. There is a porn film called "Chuck Vincent's Erotic Animation" that is based on the short story "Le Toy Shoppe". It uses various toys plus claymation, one scene not easily forgotten has Sonny Bono giving it to Miss Piggy. I completely missed that it was bosses day. Probably a good thing I did, I'm not a sycophant and my boss would be very surprised {shocked/appalled/sickened/who knows} if I tried for second base with him. I would definitely give you the humor point over the dildo. You amuse me more than any dildo. Crosswords increase your vocabulary. Cross words increase your blood pressure.
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There are white ones....well, flesh coloured ones if this is what you are intimating by "white" not actual snowy-white virginal white - that would just be silly for a dildo that stand 3 coke cans high. Mine is purple. I am a celebration of willful chaos and a hugger.
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Its not all you need , but its a good start on life Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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During the 80's and 90's there were some Postal Workers that decided to shoot one another. There was one where the guy was sent home, and when he came back he was wearing a dress and outside of the dress he had a large WHITE strap-on dildo Not to put to fine of a light on it, but dildos might end up black {or dark brown} regardless of what color they started as. There is a porn film called "Chuck Vincent's Erotic Animation" that is based on the short story "Le Toy Shoppe". It uses various toys plus claymation, one scene not easily forgotten has Sonny Bono giving it to Miss Piggy. I completely missed that it was bosses day. Probably a good thing I did, I'm not a sycophant and my boss would be very surprised {shocked/appalled/sickened/who knows} if I tried for second base with him. I would definitely give you the humor point over the dildo. You amuse me more than any dildo. Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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There are white ones....well, flesh coloured ones if this is what you are intimating by "white" not actual snowy-white virginal white - that would just be silly for a dildo that stand 3 coke cans high. Mine is purple. Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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Like lavender or more of a royal purple ?  I am a celebration of willful chaos and a hugger.
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