Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
| Blogs > 40Deuce > Sherry Stringfield's ass in 93 |
Long lonely nights , short lonely dick
|
Long lonely nights , short lonely dick Once upon a time I , 40deuce , joined an online community of perverts , hookers , scammers and robo-scammers called FriendFinder-x . Why ? No reason really , I was bored and I thought it might kill some time , and hey I figured there was a 1 in 777,777 chance that it might actually lead to my actual penis going into the vagina of an actual woman . Those are my kind of odds . After a confusing period of getting messages from gay dudes and a more predictable period of nothing happening at all , I received a message from a lady who expressed something called "interest" (compounded daily at 17 % ) . We chatted , we IMed , we did something called electronic mail , things were progressing nicely ; I was a man doing well with a beautiful woman . Then she suggested we "meet up" for SEX or all things ! Can you believe it ? I could . Back then I could believe things . She had one stipulation though "You must shave your balls and whatnot" (paraphrasing) . I could not get that razor out fast enough . The first time you shave your balls is not a great happy fun time . There was blood and the sight of blood running down and dripping off the tip of your dip is mightily unsettling . But the job got done and then it was time . Time to be stood up of course . After a humiliating length of time I gave up , went home , and then "messaged" her . She said she had forgotten her sister's cousin's hairdressers coworkers brother in laws friend from college's mailman's illegitimate grandpa was going to be in town for 3 minutes ; she meant to call you see . "Alright you want to meet up some other time ?" I said reasonable/desperately . "No , I don't like you , please kill yourself ." She said (paraphrasing) . But the important thing is that I started shaving my junk . I used to shave my junk all the time back in the day - its more aerodynamic you see and I need all the help I can get . Then I didn't have sex for 703 years so I let the foliage come back - and back it did come with a vengeance (this time its personal) . But since I'm growing out my beard (which is a great idea when its 97 degrees every day let me tell you) I left I needed to even things out so I grabbed the old junk razor and went to work this morning . Aside from finding a suspicious patch of weird skin on my right inner thigh things went well . However I did notice that my man-boobs are starting to reach B-cup territory . Now don't get me wrong , I was by no means happy about my A-cups , but this is where I draw the line . I jumped back on the ole treadmill and let me tell you , shaving your junk while on a treadmill is no easy task . In retrospect I probably should have not tried to do both a the same time but they say hindsight is 20/20 , which is complete BS but you know what I'm saying . Anyone want to start a pool on how long I'll stick with it this time ? Last time was 3 months every day , another 2 months a couple times a week , and then a few weeks randomly before finally giving up . I blame HBOgo , once I ran out of stuff to watch it became a lot harder . In other news I burned the tip of one of my fingers quite badly the other day tearing into a platter of ribs . Every word I type is agony . I hope you appreciate my sacrifice . In other other news yesterday when I was driving home from work I saw a Honda Civic that had had the nameplate or whatever you call that thing fall off . And someone had taken a marker or somesuch and written in big block letters "CIVIC" . I can see no reason why anyone would do this , except maybe that they want , nay , NEED everyone to know that they're driving a Honda Civic . Which doesn't make a ton of sense in and of itself . And finally , we all know about Labor Day , but most people forget about Labór Day which is a real shame because its pretty important too . Labór Day celebrates the achievements of union boss Manuel Labór , who successfully lobbied the various industries for longer hours and shorter breaks . After successfully lengthening both the workday and the workweek , and negotiating less vacation time , Labór was dragged out into the streets and hung , drawn , painted , messily sketched , quartered , eighthed , fed to wolves , and given an atomic wedgie by outraged laborers . Everyone works just a little harder on this day to celebrate his demise - but not too much harder , of course . And finally , finally , I was thinking about "options" this morning . People often think they have none , but usually they're just be whiny crybabies . A few years ago one of my friend's brothers was a drunken idiot who couldn't keep a job and eventually like all drunken idiots he burned all his bridges and ran out of women to leech off of and was left with no place to live . I had this misfortune to be at a family event where he showed up and abusively started trying to browbeat people into taking him in . Everyone refused him of course as he had burned them all too many times in the past and he kept saying they were leaving him no "options" that he would be homeless and dead soon . Which of course was not true at all . His family (as they often are) was way to generous with him , they offered him several options in the rehab vein , and a couple more ; he just didn't want to take any of them . There's some things people just don't want to hear . Like they have<b> b-cup </font></b>man-boobs . And that the black power ranger is now a pornier . I guess you won in the end Lord Zedd , but at what cost , at what cost ?  Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
||||
|
Atomic wedgie would be a good band name.
| |||
|
I have taken to letting it go for two weeks or even a month. Yes that's how slim the prospect of sex has become for me.  
| |||
|
I have missed visiting your blog. I really shouldn't let annoyances like family and work detract from my blogging. Have you considered a gay blade with a straight razor? You have to be trusting. My minds eye can picture a guy on his way to the ER with a dull electric razor permanently enmeshed in pubes. Crosswords increase your vocabulary. Cross words increase your blood pressure.
|
Become a member to create a blog
