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| Blogs > 40Deuce > Sherry Stringfield's ass in 93 |
Reach for the skies pumpkin fucker !
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Reach for the skies pumpkin fucker ! Suggested listening for this post ; "Nugget" by Cake Suggesting cocktail for this post ; Long Island Ice Tea  Today at work no one was working (shockering ! also shockering is a word now) because they were concentrating on the pumpkin decorating contest . Decorating . Not carving . Decorating . Why ? Because you can't trust adults with sharp objects . That probably sounds sardonic but its not . At all . 97% of grown people , who drive cars and do other horribly dangerous stuff every damn day cannot be trusted to hold a knife for more than 7 seconds without maiming themselves . Anyway , the point is all this tomfoolery awoke a powerful desire in me (40Deuce) . I very much wanted to buy a pumpkin in the way home , carve it into a Jill-o-Lantern with a very surprised or dismayed expression on its face . And the stage a photograph of myself fucking said pumpkin and my gal pal busting in wearing a sexy cop outfit to arrest me . However there were a few flaws with this plan . Such as ; I cannot carve a pumpkin to look like anything other than a pumpkin that fell into a thresher Lack of a sexy cop outfit (which I believe is just two badges and a police hat) Since we were both going to in said picture who was going to take the picture ? So other than being 100% infeasible it was one of my best ideas ever . Come to think of it that's generally the problem with most of the great ideas I come up with . So one of you , who has the abilities and resources to bring such a photo to existence should do it ; then send it to me so I can post it and pretend that I did it ; using the power of lies . And yes , it had to be a Jill-o-Lantern because I don't want people to think I'm a GAY pumpkin humper . Sometimes I hate my brain . The other day one of my friends was talking about a co-worker of his who got fired for being terrible ; he works at a place where if youre terrible for more than 2-3 years you will get fired . Which sounds like a fantastic dreamworld to me . Anyway , he said "Not be racist but I'm kind of worried he'll come back and suicide bomb the building ." As I've mentioned before any time someone starts a sentence with "Not be racist" they always follow it up with something incredibly racist . "That's pretty racist" I said but very reasonably he said "No , I don't think that because he's middle Eastern , I think that because he's Muslim - its not racism its bigotry , or some other kind of prejudice ." Which is correct . Also today at work I thought a dude was going to punch me . He didn't but it reminded me that I've never been punched in the face . A lady slapped me really hard once (I think I lost a filling) but that's not the same really . I related that story back when no one read this blog . Those were happier times in many ways . I wonder how many people go their whole lives without being punched in the mouth . And if that number increases or decreases over time . On the one have people are allegedly more civilized now , but on the other hand violence is mostly about too many people being crammed into the same place and that's more of a thing now . Lately at work several meetings have been hijacked by people talking about what time period they would want to go back to to live if time travel was real . I have to assume its some kind of social media hoopla<b> bleeding </font></b>into the "real" world . Everything everyone says about it is dumb . Living in the past would suck a dick in a major way . Even going back like 20 years into the past would make you lose your mind . One of the more disturbing trends is that the womenfolk all want to go back to times when women where basically chattels so they "wouldn't have to have jobs" which is insane to me on several levels . Sometimes I wonder if feminism was just an urban legend (the movie) . People don't seem to realize how good they have it . Someone wanted to go back to the "time of dinosaurs" which is completely ridiculous . You want to live with no technology and no other people for the rest of your life ? Dumb . One person wanted to go to the 1800s . I assume so they could have half their die before they reached two , get rickets , spend 13 hours a day doing laundering and other shit like that . Someone else said 1910 - otherwise known as when half the fucking world died of Spanish flu . Several people said the 1950's when everything was "better" . Where did this myth of the 1950's being awesome come from ? Confused old people I assume . Based on everything I know the 50s sucked . Why am I the only one who wants to live in a world with plumbing and sop and not getting you arm sawed off if you have a hangnail and you know EVER object you use every day ? Plus you can't travel back in time . Thanks Einstein ! I saw the other day that some prevert archeologists decided that fancy Egyptian ladies in Ye Olden Times masturbated with an empty gourd filled with bees . Which I don't quite get . Gourd ? Sure . You can cram that places and stimulate stuff with it . Fine . But where to the bees come in ? I assume the buzzing would make it sound like a modern vibrator but is that buzzing sound part of the appeal ? If so the musical vibrator I've been working on should take off like gangbusters . Or maybe a vibrator that grunts and makes other awkward guy sex noises would be good . Or is there a whole in the gourd and the bees can come out and sting you in the pussy ? Because if so why aren't women into that now ? I still have an attic full of thousands of hornets from when I thought I could get rich off "wasp play" for BDSM people . I can put those hornets in an empty gourd right now if you got cash money for me . And I mean right now . I was going to end this with a story about going to the fueling station for gasohol this morning and the "hilarious" mix up that occurred , but the more I think about it the more that seems lame as hell . So instead I say this to you . Mosquito repellant is misnamed because it does not repel mosquitoes , it hides you from them . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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Sorry, can't help you with the Jill-O-Lantern and lady-cop, but I did find these cute Minion pumpkins. [image] And I've been punched in the face a bunch of times. Grade-school bullies, and "at-risk" teens that I taught for a year, when I thought it'd be this GREAT thing to "give back to the community." It's not so bad.
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Going back in time is all about the "romance" - and you can't have romance without suffering, just ask Cinderella! Or Snow White fucking seven dwarves; or Beauty blowing the Beast! Anyone who wants to go back in time is an idiot, or Walt Disney. And he's dead so it's not surprising he'd want to go back in time!
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superbj is leaving?  You almost invented a new fetish. I popped over to Fetlife, went to the fetishes page and typed in wasps, and only five people in the whole fetish universe are into "wasp-play". Also, it is unclear, it may be that they're actually into lacing corsets super super tight (creating a "wasp waist").   
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