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Return of the death cookie (now with sprinkles !)
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Return of the death cookie (now with sprinkles !) “Dreams are seductive because in them one has unlimited power . Dreams are dangerous because that power is a lie .” The good news is I remembered what I wanted to blog about yesterday .  Please postdate this blog as 2/12/14 for insurance purposes . The better news is that I’ve decided when life looks you square in the eyeballs and asks you “can you handle it ?” there are only two answers . Yes  And HELL YES  One of the things I wanted to blog about yesterday was my gal pal’s complaint that all the messages she gets on the FriendFinder-x are pretty much the same ; “I like your profile , I like your pics , we should talk” which while better than “hey slut lets fuck” is still one of the common lady complaints about the FriendFinder-x . I can understand why this would be annoying , but honestly what do you expect ? How many people in the world really have anything interesting to say ? Like 3% maybe ? And I’d wager not a lot of them come of a place like this . Furthermore you have to realize that even if you are a smoothing talking smoothy smooth dude you have to send out 77 billion messages a day to get one response . After a while even the best of us just resorts to the old “ctrl+c , ctrl+v” . And on top of that , many , many , many lady profiles give you zilch to work with (if that) . I’m not defending this lazy AFFing (but kind of I am) but you can understand why it happens right ? Which I why I decided if I ever try to use this website for its intended purposes (contracting STDs) instead of just blogging I am going to go the other way , just to stand out from the crowd . Something along the lines of ; “Hello username , I am 40Deuce , I read your profile and it wasn’t very good . It was boring and riddled with spelling errors . Anyone who says that they like you profile is lying to you or mentally challenged – and I don’t think mentally challenged people should probably be on a site like this . You are obviously very attractive but your pictures are not very good either . The composition is lousy in most of them and the lighting is really bad in all of them . Do you even know what F stop is ? I doubt it , your profile doesn’t make you sound very smart . Anyway , I was hoping I could put my penis in your mouth , asshole and/or vagina . Please let me know if this is something you will do without me having to work very hard for you to do it – no work at all would be nice . Regards – 40Deuce .” It can’t work any worse than what I used to do . Also on the gal pal front , she mentioned something about wanting to be double penetrated the other day , which I would be okay with if I got to be the bottom guy and could take a nap during . The thing I would worry about in a threeway where the dudes aren’t gaying each other is if Other Dude is giving it to her good and I go in to lick her clit during that he’ll get weirded out that my mouth is so close to his dick and punch me in the back of the head . “What if the other guy is bi(sexual) ?” asked my gal pal , in which case I assume he would get mad that you were going for the clit instead of his balls and punch me in the back of the head anyway . My real issue with a manladyman threesome is I can envision a lot of scenarios where I get punched in the back of the head . Also we all love double penetration of course (in theory) but in practice the bottom guy is more of a prop than anything – due to positioning and having two people crushing him he can’t really get much thrusting going , he just kind of lays there (and takes a nap in my scenario) . Even in porn usually , and those people are professionals – if they can’t get it going what chance to we have ? Now as I say this , just the other day I was watching Three Ring Orgy and there was a scene (which really should not be included as it was a gangbang and not an orgy) where the policewoman was getting it on with 5 prisoners and bottom guy was going to town . It was by a wide margin the most effective double fucking I’ve ever seen . The second thing I wanted to blog about yesterday was that I had read a blog that was just a woman describing her latest sexual conquest , which is not usually the kind of thing I go for but I feel like you need to do something out of character every now and then for real learning and growth (which I don’t care about) . She said (among other things) that she bounced on the guy’s dick and then did the “joystick” . I didn’t know what was something people did in the really real world , I thought it was just something the criminally insane sadists at Cosmo had come up with . But guys will put with up an awful lot before , during , and sometimes after the bouncing . Do the young people even know what a joystick is ? I doubt it . I think the meaning of joystick as this ;  should be retired and joystick should know be a name for a vibrator . I like to think that while this lady was giving her man the “stick” she was making Space Invader noises and pounding Orange Crush . Orange Crush should also be the name of a sex act . The last thing I wanted to talk about yesterday was they re-ran on the science channel part of that series about how different parts of the body evolved (and why) and it was the one about the butt . I talked about this when it originally aired but since my readership (if it can so be called) is completely new every 7-9 months I feel like bringing it up again . Aside from intelligence (which is kind of lame) the butt is one of the most unique things about the human animal . Behold , the pinnacle of evolution  Have you ever seen an ape or monkey ambling around on their back legs ? It’s because they got no butt holmes – they can’t run or jump or do scissors kicks or grapevine or anything cool like we can with their back legs because they are lame buttless losers . We need our<b> butts </font></b>to get around at anything more than an awkward kangaroolike shamble – the ass muscles are what we use to juke and jive and shimmy and swirl . I would suggest more than anything having an ass is what makes a human a human . Our dumb assless ancestors wouldn’t make in the modern world even if they were smart enough to understand that the basketball is not food that people are fighting over – which they aren’t because they were also screwheads in addition to being assless crumbums . Ass power !  Alright , so that was the stuff from yesterday – now the new stuff . One of the reasons I’m glad I don’t use the FriendFinder-x for its intended purposes anymore is there’s too many abbreviations . I’ve learned what FWB and NSA attached mean (sort of since they mean different things to different people) but I run into hundreds of others that I have no clue what they mean – and I don’t want to know either because learning is dumb and I hate it . Like the other day someone put TTYL at the end of a message . I assume it was some kind of racial slur , which doesn’t make sense because we’re both white ! Super white too . I wonder , are there any tan Canadians ? Probably . I have since learned this means , talk to you later – this person (who shall remain nameless) made me learn something ! I would probably be more hip to this lingo if I texteded but I don’t . And I won’t . Because I am dumb as hell . In other news , since I accomplished the one sex goal that I had (orgasming a fancy lady without touching her down below) I think I should get a new one . I think that’s going to be sex on a train . Not the gross subway/in public kind , but this kind .  Have anyone ever had trainsex ? Was it awesome ? If the answer is no please don’t tell me . In other other news I met a lady today named Margaret Freshtwat . And I feel kind of bad for her , but also if she’s married why did she take her husband’s name ? And if she’s not married she should get married just for a new last name . Some more quick hits ; I dated a lady for a while who I was also “work out buddies” with . About 33% of the time after we were done working out I’d ask her “have you lost enough weight to dump me and find someone better yet ?” She never thought that was funny . Probably because that was her goal . Also I lost like 40 pounds in the same time period she lost 11 so that didn’t help either I bet . (I found it all again of course) One of my co-workers (who just got engaged) asked me what I was doing this weekend and as is my tradition I lied and said “Nothing much , what about you , any plans ?” And he said “Nah , same , nothing much .” Frowning slightly “not even for Valentine’s ?” I queried . His response made me laugh and laugh and laugh ; “Oh shit , that’s tomorrow isn’t it ?!” And scurried off like a scurrying scurrier . Enjoy being married pal ! Also for the record I do not consider Friday to be part of the weekend but everyone else does so I’ve caved in on that point conversationally speaking . And finally , I saw a dude who’s AFFname was Gaglord . And I wondered if he meant this kind of gag  But his profile said “I force you to choke on my huge cock” so he probably meant this kind of gag  Which doesn’t seem like a good way to get the ladies to me but then I suppose there probably are woman who respond to that kind of thing . It reminded me of the dude on here who said his dick was a “weapon of ass destruction” . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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I keep promising myself that I will go on an all out onslaught, sending the lovely ladies on A.F.F. who takes my fancy a quick "Wanna fuck?" email. But I never do  I know that it's no more effort to paste your lengthier email, but "Wanna fuck?" seems lazier, and I believe honesty is important.
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If the butt is the pinnacle of human evolution, then I am extremely highly evolved.  And yes to the trainsex, but you didn't want to hear about it if it wasn't fantastic, soooo....   
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