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| Blogs > 40Deuce > Sherry Stringfield's ass in 93 |
I learned to make love on the internet (and it shows)
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I learned to make love on the internet (and it shows) I've decided to start claiming that my blog is the oldest on FriendFinder-x . Which its probably not but I did start blogging in 2006 so that's pretty damn old no matter which way you slice it - I recommend against the grain myself , you get a cleaner cut that way . I feel like if your blog lasts 10 years you should be granted some kind of special powers on FriendFinder-x . Not sure what they would be . Maybe you could be in the running for president of blogs . I say to you now that my #1 priority as president of blogs would be getting you laid . As long as you're not picky it should work out fine . In other news I learned today that the fundamental value of woman is based on her ability to cook . Which means if you can't cook very well and you're a woman you're a dirty slurt . Please adjust your lives accordingly . Also this means I probably have more womanvalue than manvalue . Which honestly I've always kind of suspected . In other other news I learned the word slurt yesterday . Thanks Aisha Taylor ! I other other other news I've heard about as much about the gorram NFL draft as I want to - actually way more I guess . I love the NHL but the only thing I hate more than draft talk is fantasy football . So you can probably guess how I feel about fantasy football draft talk . But it did make my think of a great idea . Did I say great ? I meant fantastic . Fantasy porn leagues . I figure between porn and football you have 100% of the adult males in the US and Canada . This is a money making scheme to end all money making schemes . Literally - we will have all the money so no further schemes could possibly succeed . Who would you take first in your porn draft ?  I'd take this lady . Not a traditional choice perhaps but I feel like if you want to win these things you need to take chances . Is it wrong that I assume a woman with facial piercings and tattoos is down to get shaggy at the drop of a hat and will get all nasty up in this hizzy ? Yes , yes it is . But I wonder if its true . A young lady came to my door the other day (in full violation of my NO SOLICITING sign) to hustle me for gutter cleaning and she was totally cute and everything but she had her nose , lip and eyebrow pierced and that made her less cute to me . That stuff kind of freaks me out . But it did make me think she might be an international nasty girl . Anyway , the reason for this post is the other day I was talking about how Men's Health made me a crummy lover-makerer but its not true . I've never read Men's Health . I actually learned from an article on the internet - its not like my parents were going to say jack about it (thank god) and sex education was worse than useless . At least I thought it was an article , I poked around the "web" today and found it - its 20some pages long which is too long for an article , its more of what ? Here's an excerpt ; 'Eating a woman's pussy is about the most wonderful thing you can do for her. It makes her feel loved, admired, sexy, and of course it makes her cum like crazy. Many women prefer it to intercourse, and for most, it is the easiest way to cum with a man. You may have the littlest dick on the planet, but if you give great head, you will be appreciated as a fabulous lover. Yes, it's that important. Besides, lots of women expect it these days - you might as well know what your doing.' Probably not 100% true , I bet most woman can think of many things that would be more wonderful , but perhaps we can assume she meant sexwise . Since I do happen to have the littlest dick on the planet this was my plan , but I guess I fell short of giving "great head" and just give "okay head" which is a bummer . Fun fact , I hate both the term "eating pussy" and "giving head" we need a better term for lady oraling . 'First off, guys seem to have a strange love/hate relationship with women's genitalia. Guys that can't wait to get their dick into one are often reluctant to put their face "down there". For every guy who says he loves to eat pussy, there's another one who's squeamish. Women know this, and it affects their ability to lay back and enjoy the experience. There is nothing more exciting to a woman than to know that her partner finds her delicious. Don't be coy; tell her. When a guy fingers a lady and then smells, licks, sucks the juice off his finger and sighs as if in heaven, she _knows_ this is her lucky day.' This is totally true , although I think its more of a case of men loving to hate lady parts maybe ? I like going south of the border a lot , but I tell you right now , I aint sucking any juices off my finger . Sorry (sort of) . Isn't the juice dripping off my beard sexy enough for you ? I will be coy damn it , that's my nature . 'What if your sweet lady doesn't smell or taste very sweet? Don't suffer. (Don't complain, either.) Take a nice hot shower or bath together. Lather up both of your bodies and slide them together. It's like a whole body fuck. Soap up her vulva, washing between her outer and inner lips. Spread her lips apart and gently wash her clitoris. Hey, don't stop - this feels great! Run your soapy hand down the crack of her ass, and rub a finger all around her anus. You can stick one finger in and wash around inside too, if you anticipate any anal play, and I suggest you do. But don't put those soapy fingers up her vagina. Instead, rinse them off well and stick one or two inside, making a circular motion. Think about washing the inside of a tall glass - same thing. Now wasn't that fun? And now you can feel free to let your tongue wander anywhere it pleases...' Soap up her vulva maybe be the least erotic thing I've ever read in my life . Also suggesting anal play is a little over the line isn't it ? That's not all that common right ? Maybe it is , what do I know ? If so cheers ! There's a lot more , but you get the gist - next time I run my soapy hand down your ass crack know at least that my intentions are good . And finally , for no good reason (like everything) I read an article about the 20 worst things you can eat . Here's the list in regards to me , 40Deuce Sausage - eat occasionally Bacon - don't eat Frozen dinners - don't eat Burger - eat regularly Potato chips - don't eat diet foods - don't eat margarine - don't eat artificial sweeteners - don't eat popcorn - don't eat bagels - eat occasionally deli meats - eat regularly Pop tarts - don't eat pizza - eat regularly cheese - eat regularly biscuits and gravy - don't eat ice cream - eat occasionally ribs - LOVE LOVE LOVE !!! Packaged cookies - don't eat cinnabon - don't eat deep fried foods - don't eat So not terrible overall (but pretty terrible) I might make it to 45 Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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New phrase for lady oraling?  Tongue lashing? nope - negative connotations there Snatch slurping? 7-11 might think it's too close to Slurpee The proper term - cunnilingus- is cumbersome but how about cunni-loving? Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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