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| Blogs > 40Deuce > Sherry Stringfield's ass in 93 |
Cake-eater on the prowl for a bit of calico
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Cake-eater on the prowl for a bit of calico Machine washable silk shirt my ass . The list of instructions to machine wash this thing has 700 steps . And then at the end it essentially says "yeah bro , don't machine wash this" . So I am stupid for thinking there was such a thing as machine washable silk or am I stupid for getting scammed by getting the wrong thing ? Do you own or operate an older hydraulic elevator ? If so that's kind of weird . I met a lady who works for the Iowa Department of Labor Elevator , Boiler & Amusement Rides Inspection Division and man oh man did she had a lot to say about older hydraulic elevators . When I wasn't fantasizing about jamming my stuff in her sweet , sweet junk , I was thinking that I don't even really know what hydraulics is/are/am - is it just a liquid of some kind under high pressure that creates super strength ? I don't know . There's so much that I don't know about applied physics . The other night P-Bubs and I were getting both down and dirty and I had an orgasm that kind of frightened me . Normally my orgasms are about one tenth of a second , which I think is pretty typical for a man . Man orgasms are light a lightening bolt - they're powerful and flashy , but if you blink you'll miss it . Whereas lady orgasms , to stay on the theme , are more like hurricanes . There's a lot of building up required to create one , they don't always materialize , but when they hit there's is the fury . Also some low lying areas may be flooded . Anyway , the other night when the time came (pun ! ) it was like this ; Second #1 - Yay , this is awesome ! Second #2 - Whoa man , this is super awesome ! Second #3 - Huh , this is kind of weird . Second #4 - Am I dying right now ? Second #5 - Oh my god I'm dying ! But I didn't . But a truly grotesque amount of semen came out me . I'm going to say like 14 hectoliters . But mostly because I don't understand the metric system (like a good American) . It was weird . Later that same night I was abducted by aliens which was pretty scary . As they were forcing me to pleasure them orally with their mind control powers I thought "Well at least this is better than being probed" but then after they returned me to my bed I was wondering about that . Is getting probed once really worse than sucking five alien penises (or whatever those were - it was like some kind of rhombus) ? I suppose it depends on the probing . I mean a hard dry amateurish probing is probably worse , but a respectful professional probing with some quality lubricant ? Is that really such a big deal ? Also why is green the default color of skin for sexy alien women ? Why not red ? Too devily maybe ?  Remember that one episode of Three's Company where Jack lost all his money at the fake casino for his girlfriend's company party and he thought it was real money and enlisted Larry to try and win it back ? Classic Jack move . Since they're re-making and re-booting everything ever why not bring back Three's Company ? Jason Ritter could play Jack because of legacy . Krysten Ritter could play Janet to confuse people . You need a good Larry , Larry is kind of the linchpin to the whole thing . I'm going to go with Sam Rockwell . Christopher Walken as Mr. Furley and Dennis Franz as Mr. Roper , who in this version are a married gay couple who own the building . Cousin Cindy , how about Katie Morgan ? She seems pretty naturally ditzy . For Terri ? Eh , who gives a shit about Terri ? Whoever . The tricky part is getting the right Chrissy - there's plenty of attractive blonde women out there , but can they bring the major level of boobage the Suzanne Somers delivered on a weekly basis ? No they cannot . For this I think we're going to have to go dye-job , which apparently is riskier than I thought based on what happened to Pauley Perrette . But its worth the risk . As Chrissy I suggest Kat Dennings .  Suzanne Somers will plan Lana of course . Of course the big question is what secret will the<b> roommates </font></b>be keeping that drives all the hijinks ? The Jack pretending to be gay because cohabitation is not cool scenario was pretty dated even then . I'm thinking maybe demonic possession ? Consider this - they're right in the middle of their Satanic rite when Mr. Roper is coming up to get the rent ! It pretty much writes itself . Remember that one episode where Janet was going out of town and she and Chrissy were worried about Jack assaulting Chrissy , you know sexually ? And then when Janet was back in town Chrissy was sad because Jack didn't try to assault her (you know sexually) and therefore thought that meant she wasn't attractive anymore ? Even watching that as a I thought to myself "this is pretty fucked up right here" . One of my friends told me last night I remember way too much about Three's Company for not having watched it in 20 years . He is correct . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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Sam Rockwell would be a good Larry, Kat Dennings a good Chrissy but I had to google Dennis Franz cuz I thought he was dead. (just retired) Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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You could wash a silk shirt in the machine as part of a very small load of stuff with no buttons, zippers etc. to snag (the buttons on the shirt itself should be OK). Use cold water and shortest wash and a very small amount of detergent, and put about a ¼ cup of plain (white) vinegar in the rinse (you can just put it in the fabric softener cup thingy if you have one). Take it out as soon as the load is done and hang it up. Or you could hand wash it. I've been thinking about blogging more about household hints. You may have just inspired me. BTW the vinegar thing is awesome - use a cup for a full load and no fabric softener.
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I do have white vinegar for some reason . I can't remember what I needed that for. A douche for a yeast infection? Make sure to water it down.
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