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Civil War II Electric Boogaloo (Don't mess with Texas)
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Civil War II Electric Boogaloo (Don't mess with Texas) This morning when I was out and about (and a little aboot) one of them ridiculously oversized 17 ton pickup trucks that only 2-3 people in the world might actually need for something (I believe it was a Canyonero) was coming at me going the wrong way down a one way street . I noticed it had Texas plates and I thought "that seems about right" which is not a nice thing to think , but also kind of true . Not wishing to be shot I pulled out of the way so truckasaurus could continue going the wrong way down a one way street blinding everyone with its super right headlights and crushing small likes nuts in the mouths of squirrels . Also it have me a chance to see if the back window had a "support our troops" decal or a "support our fetuses" decal . Its was actually neither , it was merely an American flag . And Calvin pissing on something of course , but I think that comes standard . It taught me a little bit of a lesson about judging people . As I continued about my morning I noticed several other monster trucks with Texas plates driving over medians and making a series of wild U-turns and parking sideways across 17 spots . Then I noticed a bus disgorging a whole acre of Texans at Target of all places . The first thing I thought is , man those are some fat people . Which got me to wondering , Iowa is pretty high on the fatlist , which is fatter Texas or Iowa ? Turns out the obesity rate it Texas is 27% and Iowa its a paltry 26% - take that Lone Star State ! Plus there's only like 7 people in this state so if I lose enough weight that number will plummet to like 14% . But I probably wont . My second thought was that Texas is probably invading Iowa for some reason . Seems like something Texas might do . And sparsely populated and innocuous fat state like Iowa has no real chance at defeating a massive belligerent fat state like Texas so I for one would like to be the first to welcome our new Texan overlords . I would like to point out that as a trusted member of the community I would be good at gaining the trust of those who try to resist your regime and then betrayed them to end up enslaved workers on your oil fields . All I ask for in return is a few of the rejected Dallas Cowboy<b> cheerleaders </font></b>hopefuls as my personal concubines . Rick Perry send me an IM and we'll work out the details .  In other news , as you all know , I have a dim view of marriage and while I try to keep an open mind it does not help at all that whenever I seem to hang out with married couples they invariable seem to be super de duper assholes to each other . I realize that if you're trapped with the same person all the time eventually you lose as respect for them , but that doesn't mean you have to treat them like shit 100% of the time does it ? I have no respect for my boss , but I just avoid him - its the Christian thing to do . God Bless Texas . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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I can't see the picture  Texas is probably taking over Iowa because there is slim chance of having a pesky immigration problem in Iowa.   
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A busload of Texans at Target? In Michigan the seniors just take a bus to the casino. Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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