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No ! That's MY spaghetti Chewbacca !
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No ! That's MY spaghetti Chewbacca ! Stay away from my woman too  Obligatory grocery shopping story . On my way out a car blew through the stop sign and clipped my cart as I was crossing the pedestrian area . My tortilla shells were crimped ! She driver did not even slow down or look back as they continued on to turn the wrong way onto a one way street . This made me mad , but not because of the reason you might think . The reason I was upset was the driver was an Asian woman and I hate when people reinforce negative stereotypes . Also I saw a sign that said that Arby's has Crème Brule . What the fuck is that about ? Was that a joke ? Like Crème Brule Crème Brule ? That's impossible right ? I love Crème Brule , I used to make it sometimes when I was less lazy . I was looking for my torch the other day but that was to threaten someone with .  I stopped eating at Arby's 20some years ago because I had a friend who worked there and I stopped to give him a bag of weed one day and I saw what the "food" looks like before its prepared . I know intellectually that all fast food is slime before they congeal it into a food shaped slab but knowing and seeing are cosmically different things . Speaking of , I sent this picture of my junk to a lady the other day ;  She liked it , but it made me sad . I know on an intellectual level that I am a gross monster but actually seeing it , well , that's a whole different kettle of fish now isn't it ? Anyway , the point of this blog is to talk about Tim Tebow . I heard a rumor that he was dating a (maybe) former porn star by the name of Nicole Anniston , who I presume is Jennifer Anniston's little sister . One other person heard this rumor also so I am now declaring it to be fact . Sidenote , here's an awesome "photobomb" of LSU<b> cheerleaders </font></b>making it look like they're kissing his giant head . I'm ashamed I've used that word now . My first thought was "That doesn't seem very Christian" but my second thought was "whoa , maybe Tim Tebow has actual Christian values and not moralistic shitheel values that many people pass off as Christian" . Because the whole point of Christianity (as I understand it) is NOT judging people . So of course he'd have no problem dating a former or active duty porno machine . If that's the case Tim Tebow just became one of my favorite people because in a supposedly "Christian" nation I don't think I've met anyone who lives any real Christian values . Also you know , bonus irony points for a virgin hating a busted out . I do wonder though how much of a virgin is he (if at all) ? Does that just mean he's never had intercourse ? Did the entire Florida campus blow him every Tuesday and he still considers himself a virgin ? Because some people are like that . And then there's god's loophole , how does that work ? I know girls get pounded in the ass then still pretend their virgins , but that can't work for the guy right ? I mean doing the pounding anyway . Which brings up another question , if you're a gay Christian does it still work if you get it up the ass ? If so how could you ever not be a virgin ? This is all tricky stuff . Regardless here's my suggestion . Tim Tebow and Lolo Jones , the most famous virgins I know alive today , have sex on live TV for everyone to see .  +  Now if they're both really virgins it will probably be pretty awkward to watch , but they're both so pretty I feel like that can make up for a lot of fumbling . Plus they're both professional athletes so once they get going I bet it will be glorious . Those people are hyper competitive if you catch my drift . Lets make this happen . And finally , I cried the other day reading an article about "hero" cats . Which probably means I'm gay . Again . I have a visitor staying with me Thanksgiving weekend who's allergic . Maybe after that I'll get a new cat . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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^ she said "eat out". *laughing* My favorite kind of fast food is the pic below the creme brulee. I'm guessing that Arby's version of c.b. is unspeakably gross. I would possibly even pay (a small amount of) money to see Tebow and Jones get it on... the novelty factor of both of them being virgins and then the fact that both are very easy on the eyes.   
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Who is Tim Tebow and why do I care if he's a virgin? I like hairy men but Chewbacca looks like a terrible kisser. I agree with Smarty on the pic ... except not-so-fast please. Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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A plumbing torch works a lot better than the wimpy kitchen torches. You do have to avoid the Tim Allen temptations though. Paul Hogan had a half hour comedy show in Australia many years ago. They had a running gag where he made toast with an acetylene torch. I've seen Alton Brown and Kiki Sanford use propane torches in the kitchen. The real question about Tim Tebow is does he genuflect after coming? Crosswords increase your vocabulary. Cross words increase your blood pressure.
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