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Seek the Prince's butler for aspirin
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Seek the Prince's butler for aspirin The sinking of the Titanic was a true miracle for the lobsters in the kitchen For top secret reasons we've been discussing at work what you could do with $300,000 . I saw an admittedly sketchy looking article the other day saying that you can buy an abandoned town for $250,000 (from who ? ) so you do that and then use the remaining 50k to rent some monster trucks and hire some actors . Then you have the actors hang out in the town , pretend like they live there , and then you and your friends come roaring in on your monster trucks and crush the entire town while they pretend to flee in terror . And of course you document the entire thing and upload the video to the internet where you get ALL the hits . I mean I'm not much of an internet video guy but if someone said "hey 40 , there's a video of an entire town getting crushed by monster trucks' I'd check that out . Who wouldn't ? Sidenote if you thought there wasn't a website called Nude Babes Drive Monster Trucks ! you were wrong . Dead wrong . I have all my Christmas shopping done except for one person for whom I don't really know what to get . Any ideas ? Sidenote , there's tons of candles out there that look like (or are supposed to look like) dicks . I suppose the wick is the ejaculate shooting out ? I wonder if ejaculate is flammable . Seems like it wouldn't be . Heroes risk everything for their friends , although , I admit , you're more Jake's friend than mine . Sometimes you can think someone is totally coo l, but you never become besties . And I don't know why that happens . A while back there was this movie called Disclosure wherein Demi Moore may or may not sexually harass Michael Douglas . I don't remember much about it but I do remember these three things . 1 - I was fairly disturbed by it because it seemed like everyone was on Demi's side until she admitted the liked sex and then they turn on her hard - because a woman who likes sex is clearly evil . As a young person that message was not helpful . 2 - A couple of the key points in the story involved character reading e-mails and at this time in my life I refused to wear glasses (this was before contacts and later laser eyeball surgery) so I couldn't see what they were reading and therefore I only had about a 75% idea what was going on at any given time . 3 - There was apparently some pretty sweet Demi Moore nudity which I also missed out because of the above . There's a lot of things to like about Deadwood , one of them is that they never subtitled Mr. Wu . No one understood him so why should the audience know what he was saying ? I felt like that was good storytelling . However I watched Birthday Girl the other night and there were long scenes where three Russian characters were speaking Russian without subtitles and I found it annoying . At one point you could tell Nicole Kidman's boyfriend asked how many times she banged the sad sack they were scamming and was not happy with the answer but other than that there was a ton of time where you had no clue what was going on . "You're not supposed to know what they were doing" you might say , but then what is the point of those scenes existing at all ? There was some pretty sweet Nicole Kidman nudity but overall the movie was kind of weak , the end particularly was lame . I'd give it a C . Huh , I just looked it up , I guess it's a comedy ? As a comedy I give it a D- . I'd like to give Nicole Kidman the D ! Zoom ! I usually never stop reading a book without finishing it (except that horrible book about humanoid apes doing tons of coke and banging) but I had to put one down this week because it was reinforcing all my worst fears . It was about a couple who work for some tech firm back during the "dot com boom" and when the bubble bursts they both lose their jobs and end up living in their car in an area that turns into a first class shithole . The wife gets a job waiting tables part time which gets them enough money keep gas in the car and get food and occasionally visit the laundromat but mostly they just keep on the move because people are constantly trying to steal their car and Bill Cosby the wife and rob them and so forth . As you all know I live in a low level of constant fear about everything , but my true fear is that I will lose my job and end up on the streets eating garbage and being abused and humiliated by society in general . And unlike many fears people have (sharks , bats , sock puppets , flying) this one seems totally plausible . My whole company could go down the tubes tomorrow and who's going to hire me ? No one . So then what do I do ? I feel like the key is to resort to crime BEFORE you lose the house but is it really that easy ? I'd probably get caught and end up in prison where I would be abused and humiliated and Bill Cosbyed all over the place . So I had to stop reading that book and I started reading a book about a experiment in building a model community where people share their houses switching off every month . Actually that's not what the book is about , that's the backdrop . What the book is about is main dude Stan finds a note that says something along the lines of "I'm going to bone you so hard Max" signed Jasmine and he assumes that Jasmine and Max are other people who live in the house . Stan loves his wife and all that jazz but he's dissatisfied with their sex , she's a lie there and take it kind of gal and he wants to get a little freaky . So based on this note he constructs this whole concept of Jasmine that with which he becomes obsessed - he imagines her as this ultra-sexy ultra-slutty deviant who will do all the freaky stuff his wife won't do . The punchline is that Jasmine is the name his wife uses when she's having secret freaky sex with Max (who is the dude who lives in the same house) . You see she wants to have kinky freaky perverted sex too but she never tells Stan that because she thinks he would be disgusted and scorn her . So Stan's obsession with "Jasmine" and her relationship with Max ruin them personally and slowly destroy their marriage as well . And all the while you as the reader get to say "Oh ho , if only they were honest with each other they could be having freaky sex together and everything would be cool" . Which is interesting but they just beat you over the head with that same concept continually and nothing really happens for a long time except churning through that same idea over and over again . We get it man , move on . Although sadly when the story does finally start to progress things get a little too weird and I kind of lost interest . Although there was one thing that was interesting . You find out that Max's wife is in on the whole thing and she's watching on video when Max and Jasmine fuck and she's telling Max what to do on an earpiece . Max and Jasmine have a dom-sub relationship but really its Max's wife who's pulling the strings and is the real dom . I assume this is probably a real thing and has a name of some kind . I'm going to guess its called an Elizabethan Flip Six Three Hole To give an example of how I feel things are going off the rails Stan tries to Bill Cosby Max's wife , because he thinks she's Jasmine , and she turns the tables on him and ends up blackmailing/sexually dominating him . She makes him watch the videos of Max plowing his wife while he services her , which fine , that's a thing . But then she makes him engage in<b> bestiality </font></b>and suck dudes off at a rest stop and mutilate himself while she masturbates and things get too messed up for me . In conclusion I have been breaking my pledge to always post a picture a lot lately , I don't think many people care and I know some people didn't like them since I mostly post pictures of naked ladies , but I still feel bad that I'm breaking my promise to someone who stopped reading my blog years ago . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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I thought that book summary was gonna go all Piña Colada Song. I'm too naive.
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If you end up jobless and homeless and your family won't take you in off the streets, I have a spare blanket and a wheeled basket/cart you can borrow. Cuz I'm nice that way. Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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And as for me, I thought the book was going to be like that O Henry story where the wife cuts off her hair to buy her husband a watch fob, and he simultaneously sells his watch to buy her a hair ornament. The book sounds much less heartwarming.  
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