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God never burdens us with more ice cream than we can eat
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God never burdens us with more ice cream than we can eat "Fuck you stupid cunt , I wouldn't fuck your ugly fat ass anyway , you fucking stupid piece of hogflesh ." The traditional FriendFinder-x response to an "I'm not interested" message . If I had a dollar for every time an FriendFinder-x lady has messaged me to tell me how funny they think my profile is and then when I say "cool you want to hang ?" they reply with "hahaha , no of course not , you're gross !" I could get a 10-piece Favorites Bucket from KFC . Did you know that KFC popularized chicken in the fast food industry , diversifying the market by challenging the established dominance of the hamburger ? I did . What I didn't know is that in addition to engaging in animal cruelty and contributing to obesity is that KFC also has an abysmal environmental record . Apparently they cut down most of the Amazon to create room to grow chicken feed . I haven't been to KFC in forever , I think I'll head there after this . When I get rejected I think I'm classy because I say something like "Good luck finding someone more to your liking , and be safe ." But first of all , saying anything in response to a rejection is kind of classless . And secondly , that probably seems like a insult/threat anyway , probably the way that's taken is "Good luck finding someone more to your liking (because your standards are impossible) and be safe (because I'm gonna fuck you up! ) ." I have said it before and I say it again now , the room for the mail supplies should NOT be next to the room for the<b> lactation </font></b>station . "But 40" people say "there's a sign" . The sign is between the two doors BETWEEN god damn it , how does that help anything ! And why does the door to the mail supplies have top be kept shut all the time ? Why ? If you left that door open there would be no problem . So now everyone thinks I'm a perv because whoever designed the dumb building sucks . Have you read Between Two Doors ? Is it good ? Christmas is a celebration of gluttony and capitalism , do not be beholden to its crass traditions . This year you should recruit everyone into a Communist enclave , then no distribution will be necessary , because everyone can simply deliver their own gifts to themselves . Then they can return the gifts to the collective , because personal property is theft . I was chatting with a gal last night and she mentioned that sometimes she talks dirty to herself when she's masturbating . Is this a thing ? It kind of makes sense because at least this way you can hear the dirty talk you want to hear . Nothing is worse than when you're really getting into it and then your partner says something weird and completely takes you out of it . Well , I guess a lot of things are worse , but you know . If you recorded the dirty talk you like hearing and then played it while you were having sex would that be a bit weird ? Probably . I've never said anything to myself while jerking it , but I guess I have on occasion remarked "yeah , take it" to the imaginary woman I'm pretending to blast in the asshole . Well the woman is real , but she's imaginary in the sense that she's not there getting blasted in the asshole , you know . She also mentioned that when she loses weight it comes off her boobs first . This seemed silly at first blush , but today I got a massage and I noticed my massage lady who has lost a ton of weight since I first started going to see her has no boobs anymore . When I first met her she was a delightfully plump big titty kind gal . Now she's a slightly overweight flattie . So I guess that's a thing . Also I remember Renee Zellweger saying one time when she gains weight for a role it goes straight to her boobs . And she seems like she knows what's up . As I mentioned before I'm thinking about putting my house on the market next year and while at first I was pessimistic about is , as is my wont , I realized last night that I bought this house , and I can't be the stupidest person like me can I ? Surely I can find someone like me only stupider and trick them into buying it . Its sad it has to work that way , but it is what is you know . Did you ever see the movie Event Horizon ? I didn't . I heard it was a critical and commercial failure but has a small cult following . Kind of like me . I'm definitely a commercial failure and the critics never have anything good to say about me , but you people are reading this so . Someone asked me the other day that if we assume that reincarnation is a thing and that the way it works it that you reincarnate through better and better lives until you achieve enlightenment and escape the karmic wheel of rebirth why are so many people jerks ? Its probably because most people are on their first time around , most people are brand new souls ya dig ? Such as if you start off with say 100 people , they start having right , and probably their grow up[ and start having before the original 100 start dying off . So by the time the first person dies there's already lets say 400 people . So you got one guy who's reincarnated and working his way up the chain and 399 new jerks . And so on down the line , most people this is their first life because we keep increasing the dumb population like idiots . There's more than 6 billion people alive now , and only 100 years ago there were only 1.5 billion so 75% of people are new people , and that's not even taking into account that I doubt many people achieve enlightenment on their second trip , probably it takes 7-8 lives to get it right . The interesting question is what would happen if we ever got our shit together and started controlling the population ? There would be a queue of souls lined up for reincarnation , so many so that no new people would be born anymore . AND check this out Jeepers , there's all these aliens reincarnating themselves as humans so they can understand us better and foster love between the races and all that crap but they're taking up bodies we need for reincarnation ! Fucking Zeta bastards ! I call upon all who believe in the wheel of reincarnation to start work a death ray so we can fry those Reticulan assholes before they start hogging all the bodies ! In other news I was talking the other day about how much money it would take for me to suck a dude's cock and I realized something - it depends greatly on whether I just had to try or if I had to get the dude off . Because I don't think I have the skills to get a dude to cum in my mouth - it takes some practice right ? The first time you sucked a guys dick did he ejaculate ? I'm thinking probably not . I think it takes a few dicks to get your technique down . I mean if you believe Outliers it takes 10,000 hours to master a skill so I doubt anyone is a master at sucking cock . I doubt even a porn star or a spends 10,000 hours sucking dudes off . My question is what is the first pass rate on sucking a dick ? And it probably depends on the dick right ? The first time you sucked a dick I would think (hope maybe) generally speaking you're probably sucking a dick that hasn't been sucked a lot - which I assume makes it easier . I'm guessing a jaded dick is going to be harder to get off - and if dude is offering me millions of dollars to suck him its probably going to be in that category - which makes the whole thing less appealing . My point is everyone please post a blog about the first time you sucked a dick . Unless it will make sad , then don't . I have found an appalling number of women's stories about the first time they did something to be kind of rapey . I was going to make cocoa but I don't have enough milk . Which makes me sad . Not as sad as a rapey first blowjob blog post would make me . One time a lady posted about inventing a new blowjob technique - I plagiarize it now without her permission since she's been gone for more than a year - take that ! One night during foreplay I was feeling tired, so I laid my head down onto my partner's thigh to rest on while I sucked his dick. Since I couldn't really bob or move my head around much in this position, I decided to try a new thing whereby I took his dick as deep into my mouth as I could (not deepthroating though), and just kept it there while I moved my tongue all around and up and down his shaft. I would curl my tongue up occasionally to tickle his frenulum or flatten my tongue to rub his head or rub around the shaft. So I guess as many of the usual moves I'd use when licking his dick, but this time WHILE it was inside my mouth. It felt really different for me (and wonderfully relaxing - I could do it for hours if I wanted to), but the most amazing thing was his reaction to it! He just lost himself in pleasure; I'd never seen him writhe around so much, and the moans.... oh god those moans. Afterwards he said it was the most intense blowjob I'd ever given him, and to be honest it was the easiest one I'd ever given as well! So win-win. So I'm curious - have you ever given, or received, a blowjob with this kind of technique? What did you/your partner think?  What the heck is a frenulum ? Sounds made up . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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Haha so funny. I do sometimes talk dirty to myself when I masturbate but I don't typically say it out loud. I'd be open to writing out a script and handing it to potential lovers as a cliff notes version of what to say during sex. The first time I sucked a dick I was 12. It was with this really hot guy in my basement. I had no pubic hair at all and hardly any tits, but this guy who was the same age hair full size hair and a big cock. I was shocked. I only got to suck it though and he told the nearest 10000 people
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Here you go: [image] I did know someone who REALLY liked it if you flicked your tongue over that specific spot. I was all prepared to be offended and say of COURSE I made someone come the first time I gave a blowjob. However upon further consideration I realized that roughly the first 9000 blowjobs I gave were for foreplay and I deliberately stopped short of making the guy come because I wanted to get fucked. It was only much later in life that I became more unselfish (and also started meeting men who couldn't come while wearing a condom, so a bj became a necessity...).   
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Who needs 10000 hours to master the blow job? Guys are too easy please. Unless I'm a fellatio prodigy ... hmmmm .  Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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I forgot to upload this. [image]
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