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Doggystyle with a demon
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Doggystyle with a demon My plans were cancelled last night and I was bored and lly so I decided to try that other website every's been talking about Fuckademonslut - Hookup, Find Sex or Meet a Supernatural Malevolent Being Now . I was skeptical of course , I mean I'm not even sure I believe in Hell per se so it was a bit of a stretch to think that I could conjure and control a spiritual entity for the purposes of sexually gratification . So I signed up , created my profile , pledged my eternal soul to Satan etc. et al and after a few minutes of browsing around I decided to give it a go . People want to act like summoning demons is a bad thing . I mean , sure , there’s a chance that of these dukes of the underworld might roll up on you , cast you into eternal darkness and misery and then subject you to his unending , hellish thral l. But you also might get hit by a bus walking the street , am I right ? Plus: remember Solomon ? Biblical King of Israel , of David and wisest dude in the history of always ? That dude summd demons like it was going out of style , mostly to build his temple. Summoning up demons can’t be all that bad then , right ? What they don't tell you is that it's pretty hard . Particular when doing it on spec as a lark you know ? I mean who's got ashes laying around with which to anoint the 72 spirit voidrenes of your body ? And don't even get me started on the blood . So pretty quickly I realized that the real top shelf demons on the website were out of my league - I mean to summon Shami-Amourae you need to consume like $100,000 worth of diamond dust . Who has that kind of cash ? Also I'm pretty sure that would be fatal . And that's just he beginning . Where am I going to find the semen of a triple crown winning jockey ? Clearly I had to adjust my expectations . So tried to summon a couple minor succubi (I'm not even sure why other demons are on there - who wants to pork a glabrezu ? Some sicko probably but you get my point) but it wasn't panning out . You know that thing where you start doing something kind of on a whim and then a couple hours in you don't even care anymore but you keep trying for some stubborn reason ? That . I got some good tips and finally I managed to up a very low level succubus . Now first of all the stench that billowed out of hellmouth she crawled out of was truly rancid . Hstly I still feel nauseated a day later - all day long I was just sick to my stomach . But hey , they don't talk about the stink of brimst for nothing right ? But here's the deal her profile picture (for her human form) was this ;  But she pops up in her demon form . Some succubi have very comely demon forms . She was not of them . She had your standard demon goat legs , which is not what you (well maybe YOU sicko) want in a lady devil in any event but also her hooves gouged the hell out of my wood floors . Above that her skin was a bluish-purple , and normally I am all about ladies of color and that would be right in my wheelhouse , but it was like the color of a deep bruise . So . . . yeah . The weeping pustules around her hips and thighs didn't n either you know . She had a hell (pun ! ) of a rack , I give you that much , but she had very square mannish shoulders which framed them in a weird way - plus her nipples were tiny sucker-mouths like a lamprey which wasn't ing anything . Her arms tapered down insanely and grotesquely from her lumberjack shoulders until at the wrist it was like an inch around and then flared out again into giant lobster claws . She had a pretty face so long as her mouth was closed - the dang thing split her head in half , it basiy went back to her ears . Her hair was on point though , very shiny and lustrous - they must have good conditir in hell . She had energy like of those old guys you see at the donut shop that are always jingling change in their pocket and kind of swaying and rapping on countertops and such - not like a nervous energy, not frenetic really , but very active in a weird way . She kind of chewed on her cheeks before she talked . "I'm PFFR you down to clown or what ?" I suggested that she should lead off with her human form and she laughed - it sounded like a metal grinder . My ears are stilling ringing . "You want me to change shape huh chief ? You freaky fucker . Sure , I can do a skink , a wombat , a swarm of locusts - well not a proper swarm but a bunch of locusts , I can do a mandrill sometimes , that 's tricky . Like half the time I can do a mandrill . You want to use YOUR man drill on a mandrill tiger ?" She brayed like it was the funniest thing ever . "I was thinking more of a . . . you know . . . human form ?" I said . "First of all don't interrupt me" "Sorry I thought you were d talking ." "Second of all don't apologize . Third of all I don't do so great with humans . I can do Gene Moore pretty good but that's about it . So if you're into Gene Moore I got you on lockdown champ ." I said I had no idea who Gene Moore was and she explained that he was a designer and window dresser who died in the 80s . Although it didn't really matter , even if it was Gene Moore the singer I didn't summon a demon to hump a dude . I mentid that I was hoping she could take a form like her profile picture and we both had a good laugh about that . Humans don't even do that , why would I expect better from a demon ? She gestured at her rancid body "This is a human as I'm likely to get , we doing this thing or what ?" There were problems with that . She was a<b> hermaphrodite </font></b>and not the side by side kind - her dick came out of her vagina . Which seemed like an issue . When I mentid as much she showed that she could retract her unit which was fine but how far could it go ? I don't need my dick touching another dick inside a demon-pussy . That concern was moot though because he had shark-teeth lining the thing and her clit was clearly a orpion stinger . Arizona bark orpion unless I miss my mark . So that was a non-go . "How about a handjob" she queries ping her claws shut with a brutal clacking sounding "these bad boys can crack a ostrich egg - and they have !" No . She offered me oral but her had no lips really and her skin around her mouth-hole looked very rough , almost like ales . Still I was kind of thinking about it until she licked her lips in what I assume was meant to be enticement - her tongue wasn't forked like a snake's it appeared to BE the tail of a snake . So that was out . "What about . . . . you know . . . . . anal ?" I finished quietly . "You don't need to whisper with me bub , you're not going to offend me by saying anal" she bent over and lifted up her donkey tail to reveal a normal seeming asshole "did you know that artisanal when you break it down is Art Is Anal ? You'll never be able to see that word without thinking about that now . Ha !" I was pretty gun-shy , I mean it looked like a standard asshole but given all the other horrible options it just wasn't worth the risk . Her cruel jibes didn't the situation either . Demon or not that was just rude . I told her I had changed me mind at which point I assumed she would leave but that assumption was incorrect . She spent the next hours eating 7 boxes of dry spaghetti noodles , watching Hallmark Christmas movies and rattling on endlessly about all the mortals she'd tempted into sinning - which was nothing to brag about . She wasn't talking about getting some famous person to cheat on their wife of anything she was gloating about getting some dude named "Steve" in Idaho to always take a penny and never leave a penny . I hinted that I had work in the morning but then she just started off on a rant about what a hardass her boss was . When I asked who it was she looked at me weird . "You know , Lucifer , Beelzebub , Mephistopheles - the damn Devil !" I guess I assumed there was like hierarchy in Hell and I didn't expect she was near the top of the food chain . I guess even Hell doesn't like middle managers . Eventually she left but the orange soda colored stain she left on the loveseat I don't think is ever coming out . I don't know what it is (and I don't want to) but if you get near it your eyes sting like you've been maced . The punchline is I've had worst Thursday nights you know ? Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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To quote the Simpsons "I thought dabbling in the dark arts would be good for a laugh , how wrong I was" Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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I turned my profile back on - just so I could comment on this post. Probably one of your BEST non-rambling posts. Maybe not THE best (my memory isn't good enough to remember THE best) but in the top 10! *this comment will disappear in a couple of days Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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(Wondering why SuperBJ turned off her profile) Just today I read an ironic article in Slate about the Hallmark Christmas movies. They made it into a drinking game - “chug eggnog every time the heroine does something clumsy when she spies the hero” and so on.   
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(Wondering why SuperBJ turned off her profile) Just today I read an ironic article in Slate about the Hallmark Christmas movies. They made it into a drinking game - “chug eggnog every time the heroine does something clumsy when she spies the hero” and so on.  Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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Relocating in the spring and got tired of all the 'exception'al men that don't understand the meaning of "Not meeting right now so move along" . We'll call it the Pause that Refreshes.
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