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Because we are living in a theoretical world and I am a theoretical girl
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Because we are living in a theoretical world and I am a theoretical girl Or boy I have never seen the movie Eat , Pray , Love . Nor have I read the book Eat , Pray , Love . This is probably not surprising . But the other day I turned on the TV to watch Star Trek 6 and it was on an Julia Roberts said something like this when her friend was saying she had to lose weight because she had a muffin top - "Let me ask you a question, in all the years you’ve ever undressed for a gentleman has he ever asked you to leave? Has he ever walked out, left? Because he doesn’t care. He’s in a room with a naked girl. He’s won the lottery." This is mostly true . And I guess the idea that you shouldn't be so concerned with your body because dudes will fuck you no matter what is supposed to be a positive thing . BUT , I feel like this is exactly what I was talking about with my Three Card Monte soliloquy the other day . If you're basing your self-image or self-worth or self-whatever on men and their desire to bang haven't you already lost ? This sentiment is trying to tell you how to pick the right card , but if you're trying to follow the cards you're already scammed . Right ? One time there was a TV show called Friends . It was about some friends , doing friend stuff . A lot of people liked it . It was okay . One time on SNL , you know at the end where they do weird shit , they played a clip of friends without the laugh track . And it was so awful I literally cringed . The power of "sweeting" as they call it in the "biz" has been studied and "proven" many times which always kind of bums me out . I remember seeing those jokes on the show and thinking they were funny , but without the laugh track it was death on a stick . Remember the episode where Friend Rachel thought she was going to bang the curly-haired dude she was dating so she stripped down to her sexy lingerie and then he back into the room with his parents and his dad said without missing a beat "I like her she seems smart" . That's a great joke . Remember the episode where the Friends gang kidnapped , murdered , froze and dismembered Julia Roberts ? What was that about ? Sometimes when people find out about my former career they ask about my name "Why do you eat moths ?" they ask or something like that . The origin of my man MC Motheater is this . A "moth" in Irish slang is a woman who trades sex for drugs - usually with musicians . It's a specific kind of groupie . And the "eating" in this case is a reference to<b> oral sex </font></b>AKA eating pussy . Now see this is amusing (you can tell because it has to be explained) because rappers often brag about their sexual prowess but they don't brag about performing<b> oral sex </font></b>on the ladies because an important part of the culture is the denial of female pleasure . And also since this is transactional sex there's additionally no reason to spend time "going down" you know ? The other day at the grocery store (drink ! ) the lady in front of me , who looked like she was a but was probably older , had bananas she had on the conveyor belt and the super old dude checking her out (not like that) said "Are you sure you want these" and then unsolicited started lecturing her on the poor working conditions for banana harvesting professionals . "Slave labor" he called it . So she was convinced and said "okay , I don't want those" and I chimed in "I'll take them" and the super old dude glanced at me for a second and then shrugged and put them in my pile . The girl looked like she might cry . I'm not 100% sure why I did that - I definitely don't need all these bananas (I already had a bunch in my pile you see) . I didn't want to make her feel bad . Or did I ? The other day the lady at work who's been breaking by balls about my "skinny arms" was tearing me down because I was wearing a belt with shorts . Is that not okay ? How else am I supposed to keep my shorts from falling down and exposing my inferior wang to everyone ? Recently one of my friends asked me what sex was - and they were old enough I answered . I told him that sex is when you start watching Annihilation with a lady and then after you're far enough into the movie that you want to see the end she starts rubbing your thigh . And you're torn because you want to see the end of Annihilation but there's more than an hour left and you're not going to be able to delay things for that long . So you pause Annihilation and make out for a while and then just when you're thinking "Look are we going to bang or can we get back to Annihilation or what ?" she says she has to go to the bathroom . And then she says you can start the movie . And you think "Don't you want to see how it ends ?" And then after a really long time she comes back and now she's all over you - there's no pausing Annihilation now , you'll have to try and see the end another time . So you go into the bedroom and after a brief power struggle about the amount of lighting there's more kissing and then the nipples makes it's first appearance . So you do some nipple stuff wondering "Do women even like this ? Some of them do , other's hate it ? What do women like anyway ? Is this foreplay or a waste of time ?" So then your hands start going "down there" and she kind of slaps you away and you're like "oh , I thought that's what we were doing , what are we doing ?" At this point you're kind of kissed out but she's still all about so maybe you try doing some ear stuff , or neck stuff - maybe you suck on her elbow , you don't know what the hell to do . Eventually the genitals come out and you start to go south of the border and you think things are going great until she starts kind of kicking you away and you say "Oh sorry , do you not like that ?" and she makes some kind of non-committal sound and a vague gesture so you go back down there but now it's obvious that it's not going well so you wonder "are we moving on here or . . ." So you ask if she's got any condoms and she says that she's not ready yet and you think "oh shit , what else can I do ?" So there's more kissing and then you end up just holding each other until she falls asleep on your arm and your arm is all pins in needles like crazy but you can't move . And then the next morning she goes "What happened last night ? I thought we were going to have sex ?" and you say you're gay the get the heck out of there . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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The other day I ran into my college GF and I said to her I says "You know , I'd like a little pussy" whereupon she was heard to remark "Me too , mine's huge" . Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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Good job, you've scarred that kid's concept for sex for life.  
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I used that "I'm gay" line in real life once. Some guys just don't believe they do't turn you on. Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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