Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
| Blogs > 40Deuce > Sherry Stringfield's ass in 93 |
How the 3-pointer came to dominate the NBA
|
How the 3-pointer came to dominate the NBA Amusingly enough there are three types of threesomes – the intellectual threesome , the classic threesome and the 40deuce threesome . A good example of the intellectual threesome is Carl and Emma Jung + Toni Wolff . Wolff was a student of Jung’s and become his lover – as one does . The relationship took place over a long time and become deeply personal and involved . It was primarily sexual at first (or so told) but evolved into a binding , evocative and complex triumvirate that fueld both discordance and intellectual engagement . The classic threesome is more immediate and short lived and involves as a matter of course clear<b> booze </font></b>and lube . The 40deuce threesome is the most interesting . Threesomes don’t always go smoothly . For some people threesomes are natural – I’ve talked to people who speak to them like it’s no big deal . They’ll say things akin to ; “I totally hooked up with these two chicks from the bar last night , it was sweet .” “I met these two guys are the bar last night and we went back to my place and totally went at it .” “When I was in Canada I had a threesome with House of Commons member Marjolaine Boutin-Sweet and her husband .” Their sexual openness and easy-going attitudes infuriate me . For me sex has always been a little more tricky . Perhaps it was due to my upbringing . Being raised by wolves presents many challenges in adult life but one that rarely gets much press is that watching wild wolves go at it all day and all night can have a strange effect on your sexual mores . Sex is admittedly a problem for a lot of people so not alone in this . Like the ladies used to say to me “You’re a real Jonny Cotton in the sack” . not particularly adventurous , even missionary is a bit much for me . The first time I visited an adult video/toy store I threw my shoes away afterwards because I was worried they might give me chlamydia from touching the floor . There are many theories on why this might be – my own personal thought is that it’s a product of that one time in 8th grade when I subbed into a JV basketball game and just as I walked into the court I saw down Sally Tyson’s shirt and got a massive erection . It was the saddest timeout ever called in the 126 year history of the sport . The fallout was as spectacularly horrible as you would expect – for the next several would make the “timeout” sign at me wherever I went . The worst part was my mom asking me why that kept happening . In the yearbook they said my nickname was “T”, you know , for timeout . Anyway , the point is that in college I didn’t have much of a social life – but a few dudes found out that I had my own place off campus and pretended to buddy up to me in the hopes of using my place to fuck away from their roommates . There’s no better sound to fall asleep to than the ambient noise of other people banging . One of these dudes was a strapping foreigner who played on the soccer team . He was handsome , charming , athletic , a smooth-talker and an all-around popular guy . The guy was magnetic . One night he brought a girl over to my place and we sat around chatting while they drank a 12 pack . The conversation (naturally) drifted to sex and he suggested rather blithely that we all have it . This suggestion was as stunning the time my uncle fired off a rifle right by my ear (I still hear ringing sometimes) . Fortunately she didn’t seem interested in the idea . But he was persistent in the way only a young dude can be and he delivered a long inspiring speech about group sex . He went on and on about how college is a time to do things memorable and extraordinary that you can look back on the rest of your life . He said that we wouldn’t regret this choice but would celebrate it as an emblem of free spirit and that moments like this could never been undone . He was like the sex whisperer . And how many times had he given this speech ? It was way too smooth to have been off the cuff . I was pretty nervous but I was comforted by her expression that was half “nice try asshole” and half “holy shit what a douchbag” . Then there was a pause and she looked over at me and back at him and back to me and said very plainly “Okay” . Which was a shocking turn of events . She excused herself to the bathroom and he started casually undressing . A cold sweat came over me . He’s lounging on the couch in his underwear and pacing back and forth like a member of the Canadian House of Commons . He was unfazed by me freaking out . I hoped she would never come out of the bathroom . But she did . She looked him over (he was quite a specimen) and they started making out . He gestured for me to come over and I complied like an when it’s master snaps , slowly loping over . He started taking her clothes off and I sat on the edge of the couch and stroked her back like it was the shell of a snapping turtle . I reluctantly took off my shirt and in that timespan they both became naked and were stacked on each other like so many Jenga pieces . Soon enough they were going at it in earnest and remembered less and less that I was there . For a good fifteen minutes I tried to make myself as small and inconspicuous as possible while pressed against two people having sex in a variety of positions . I remember after “we” finished I said I need to take a shower . And on that day the 40deuce threesome was born . Just get three people and have only casually observe the other two from close range . It’s like playing Canadian doubles only one person doesn’t have a racket . But I’ve learned to use the tools that I have . Here’s some sexual positions I’ve come up with that you can try ! Jame Gumb – Man on top facing up with genitals pushed down between legs for shallow and awkward penetration Vegan Brunch – Reverse cowgirl where the man covers his genitals and uses a dildo or vibrator Iran-Contra – Standing doggy style where you use your thumb and say it’s your penis Ollie North – As above but with the thumb of a hidden third party The Thinker – Man lies on the edge of the bed while the woman mounts facing forward with arm resting on chin looking bored Newton’s Revenge – While standing hold your partner crotch to the back of your head while she hangs down the backside from rimming William Tell – Gather your partners hair together in a “hole” and go at it General Patton – Standard doggystyle while wearing a holster with a loaded gun Alfred Hitchcock Presents Vertigo – Standard cowgirl but once she really starts to ride wave your arms and legs around to create the optical illusion that you’re falling through the air and she’s riding you to her doom ala Kong in Dr. Strangelove Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
||||
|
Sign up for my news letter to get the rest of my homebrew sex positions Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
| |||
8/31/2018 1:13 pm |
Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first...........yes
| |||
|
Since the only three-some I've ever had was me and Bartles & Jaymes, I believe every word of this post. Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
| |||
|
This is a 40Deuce self-deprecation classic.  Oh wait, I'm supposed to tell you to get a better self image right? But then you wouldn't be funny anymore.   
|
Become a member to create a blog
