Reset Password
Reset Link Sent
| Blogs > 40Deuce > Sherry Stringfield's ass in 93 |
50 Shades of Dorian Gray
|
50 Shades of Dorian Gray Now there's a mash-up everyone can enjoy . It's been a LONG time since I got a blog request but much as I did in my very unpopular post where I reviewed the Harry Potter movies just from the trailers I have been asked to do the same for the 50 Shades series . So here we go , 50 Shades of Grey . Woman in an elevator – remember the trailer for Damages with the lady in the elevator . It’s not like that . “This is just an interview for the newspaper” she says in a voice over . I already don’t like that JUST an interview ? As opposed to what ? Is there anymore overused word than just ? I mean LITERALLY . Oh the guy’s name is Mr. Grey , that’s dumb . I thought his name was Mr. Big . His sexy blonde lady assistant seems like she’s 8 feet high , maybe the other lady is just really short . I don’t like this lady already , she’s very timid . I guess that’s the idea though – she needs his dude to set her free . “I’d like to know more about you” classic move . Not really appropriate in an interview though . He doesn’t seem all that cool to me . LOL she’s all like “I mean look at me” like she’s not an incredible attractive movie actress or anything . I guess she is wearing a<b> sweater . </font></b>That’s probably Hollywood Ugly . This guy looks like a real weirdo . Aww shit the music just changed things are about to get freaky . “To what do you owe your success ?” “I exercise control in all things” . Drop on anvil on us why don’t you ? I wonder what he’s a success in . He’s some sort of business tycoon . I presume they don’t go into that too much . They’re walking in a forest now . Still part of the interview for the newspaper ? Ha , this movie came out on Valentine’s Day , I wonder which happened more – guys being dragged to this movie or guys taking women to it who really couldn’t have cared less ? “Come on Gina it’s friggin’ romantic ! What do you want from me ?” Now she’s on a different elevator in an ugly blue jacket – you know because she’s a plain Jane and NOT a sexy movie actress lady . They’re making out in this elevator . I was just talking about that last night . I don’t like being in elevators . Now they’re getting on a helicopter . How far can helicopters actually go ? I’ve always wonder that . Seems like they’d be pretty short range . He’s incapable of leaving her alone . Stalker alert . She’s into it though so it’s fine . Now he’s playing a piano – I suppose to show that he’s a sensitive type deep down past his alleged macho business exterior . She’s wearing a sheet so I guess they already banged . I suppose you don’t bring up the freaky stuff until after you bang a few times . He tells her to stay away because he’s bad news . THAT ONLY MAKES HER WANT HIM MORE !!! What a twist ! Now she’s trying to kiss another dude and he runs up and shoves the guy away . Not sure what that’s about . Is there a love triangle here ? Where did he come from ? Maybe he really is stalking her . I feel like if you’re rich you should have people for that . Looks like this other guy has a motorcycle ? Maybe he’s the blue collar foil to richie-rich here . I wonder if Nicole Ritchie is in this movie . Probably not . Is Lionel Ritchie still alive ? Now they’re banging again . Maybe she was kissing that other dude to make him jelly ? She awakes alone – he’s gone . She’s distress . “I don’t do romance” he says while finger-banging her under a table at a dinner of some sort . We get it people he’s not a nice guy . Now he’s walking around shirtless but he’s wearing dungarees . Maybe he’s trying to look like the blue collar guy ? That doesn’t seem very dominatoring . But what I don’t know about dominance could fill a book – and that book is 50 Shades of Grey . Or Gray . Not sure . Oh snap he’s got a blindfold now we’re getting somewhere . “You wouldn’t understand” that seems a little condescending – I feel like BDSM is pretty much understood by everyone at this point . I suppose he meant she wouldn’t understand it on like a deep metaphysical level . People love to pretend that whatever they’re into is totally mysterious and special . I bet she’ll say something like “teach me” or some bullshit like that . Now they’re flying some kind of super jet . They’re having a grand old time . Maybe his company does avionics . His shirts off again . I’ll had it to the guy he’s got a good body , C minus face though . “Enlighten me then” . I was pretty close . I’m going to give that one too me . Oh snap again now he opens the LOCKED DOOR to I assume his super dungeon . I understand the drama of the locked door opening but that’s pointless really . I mean does he have roommates ? He’s he trying to keep out ? Maybe the main keeps stealing his silver plated butt plugs . Now we’re getting a super fast montage – brief flashes of nudity , rope bondage , some kind of apparatus , robes hitting the ground – freaky people are really into robes . Maybe his company makes robes . Not sure I like this version of “Crazy In Love” . So that’s it I guess . She meets this dude and they bang and then it gets fetishy . Seems a little thin for a while movie let alone a trilogy . I guess we’ll find out . Moving on – Fifty Shade Darker . Again comes out on Valentine’s Day . I wonder if the second movie had a significant drop off attendance wise from the first . We got some fireworks going off . Not sure what that’s about . Maybe his company makes fireworks . He’s giving her a present . Apparently we’re supposed to forget the past . Seems a little brainwashy . Okay he’s putting on a mask NOW things are going to get all Eyes Wide Shut I assume . A shot of her feet in heels for the foot people . That looks like a different dude . Did they switch Mr. Bigs between movies ? The gift is a mask for her – a nice girly one though . Dudes always just have matte Lone Ranger masks , the women get the good ones . Yet another example of the double standard . They’re at some kind of gala . I wonder if it’s a freaky gala or a normal gala . Wait maybe that was a different guy because now she’s getting flowers and the voice over says I want you back . I guess at the end of the first movie things didn’t work out ? Or is that blue collar motorcycle man that wants her back ? Those flowers are pretty nice . Mr. Big is looking wistfully out a window . Okay , I get it now the first movie is him being all “I don’t DO romance ya dig ?” but now she’s shown him what love is . She’s not into it though . Their eyes lock in an art gallery – must be stalking her again . Now SHE’s the one being all like “lets bang already bro” . Role reversal ! No more sweaters for this gal . Are they banging in a shower with their clothes on ? Is that a fetish ? Wait her name is Anastasia ? That’s terrible . Back in the day that was 100% the go-to name for any woman I knew writing erotica . Have you ever met an Anastasia in real life ? I bet it’s Anastasia Steel or something like that . Oh snap what if she’s Remington Steel’s ? That would be a twist for sure . Shared universe ! More fireworks . This second movie must take place on the 4th of July or something . Mr. Big is doing pull ups – his lats look great . Much better face too , if it’s not a different guy they must have done some good plastic surgery on him . She says “this time no rules” it is so fucking ON ! They’re on a yacht . Maybe things get all Dead Calm . Hmm , “no punishments” . What’s that about ? I can’t tell if she’s saying no more freaky stuff or let’s get super de duper freaky . Partial nudity – robes falling to the floor . Hmm , “no more secrets” . So he must have had some secret that broke them up in the first movie . What could it be ? Okay she’s shutting the door on the dungeon room so I guess they’re back in the swing of things ? Aw snap they’re in bed together and some other broad is standing there looking at them . Maybe the secret was he’s married ? Maybe blue color motorcycle guy had a sex change and he’s trying to break them up from another angle . That would be a twist . Oh wait she’s gone . So she was a ghost ? Does this get all supernatural ? I mean this is supposed to be Twilight fan fiction are the vampires finally showing up ? She’s trying to leave a room of some sort and he’s all up in her business . Or wait is that another dude ? She’s shushing her . Did she cheat on him ? Now they’re back at the gala and she’s leaving in a huff because of some other lady . Who’s she ? Is that the wife ? Now there’s a bunch of cars in a parking garage . Is this going all Fight Club now ? Is it a drug deal ? Mr. Big is getting some kind of report on Anastasia . Is she a mole for a rival fireworks factory ? Now the helicopter is crashing into a river . Is she an assassin from a rival fireworks factory ? I had no idea the fireworks industry was so cutthroat . Now they’re at a different masked ball ? Stacy is very upset about something and she runs into Mr. Big’s arms who was waiting outside by a car – more stalking ? The other chick is back , not the one from the party the other one – sounds like she’s a jilted ex maybe . So not a vampire I guess . And that’s it . They really don’t give much information in there trailers . I guess they assume you read the books . Maybe it will all make more sense in the next one . Part 3 – Fifty Shades Freed Oh shit they’re married now . I guess she did teach him how to love . Or at least trapped him with a pregnancy scare . I bet that’s why people first got into BDSM stuff – no way to get preggo there . Tying someone up and wailing on them was probably the best thing to do before birth control . A montage of how awesome her life is now that she’s ultra mega rich . Not quite as good as bring a princess but being rich is pretty close . I guess she’s Anastacia Grey now . Do rich people really ride jet skis ? Seems very low class . Have you seen that porn video of the people banging on a jet ski ? I have . This one also comes out on Valentine’s Day . I wonder if there’s a couple who went to see all three on Valentine’s Day . And if so I wonder what , if anything , that says about them . I further wonder if there’s any couples that are both really into the books . Seems unlikely . REAL BDSM people hate the books and I can’t see too many non-BDSM dudes being into this . Some sexy stuff . He says all his wealthy meant NOTHING until she came into his life . That’s a good line . I wish I was rich so I could say something like that . That’s the only reason I wish I was rich . She has an office now and an assistant . She’s an editor sounds like – maybe his company is a publishing company ? He wouldn’t be rich then though since print media is dead . He bought them a house . Doesn’t seem important to the plot . Maybe the house is haunted . Okay I get it now , the architect is a sexy blonde lady – there’s going to be trouble there . Maybe each movie has a different love triangle . She looks pretty tall too . She’s getting all handsy with Mr. Big and Stacy slaps her down , verbally of course , a catfight would be crass in this softcore porn . Some more sexy stuff . Showing that she’s a match for him . Now a car is following them . A dramatic car chase ? Seems out of place . Hmm , now some scruffy guy named Jack is in the mix . Stacy is very upset about this . More sexy time . I guess his name is Christian . I’ve always found that a little strange . I mean I’ve never met anyone else who’s name is a religion . Except my friend Ed Scientology . Is that Kim Basinger ? What’s she doing in this movie ? Remember when she went broke and had to be in Wayne’s World 2 ? Talk about movies that don’t hold up well over time . Same with Austin Powers . Now she’s asking someone if he slept with some other woman . Is that Mr. Big ? He looks different . But who else would they be asking ? Did they bring back the original actor halfway through filming the third movie ? That would be a bold move . Some sort of nightclub fight scene . Huh , now she’s putting a gun down her buttcrack . That’s never seemed like a good idea to me . First of all the metal is probably cold . Second it seems very easy to the gun to fall out of or down into your pants . And third it seems really hard to quick draw from your ass . So wait , she’s having some kind of confrontation with Jack in an abandoned fireworks factory and some other woman is tied to a chair . What the heck is happening here ? Now Mr. Big has a gun ? More sexy time . Climax pun . And that’s it . These trailers are real coy with details . Maybe there’s not a lot of tell , maybe the running time is 78% sexy time . Seems like movie #1 Lois Lane teaches the Tinman how to love . Movie #2 ???? . Movie #3 action adventure shoot ‘em up ? Dunno . What I do know is that with the release of the book and its popularity, injuries related to BDSM and sex toy use spiked dramatically . In 2012 (you know the year the world ended) sexy injuries requiring emergency room visits increased by over 50% . This is speculated to be due to people unfamiliar with both the proper use of these toys and the safe practice of bondage and other "kinky" sexual fetishes attempting what they had read in the book . That would be funny if that was the author’s intent because she had stock in a medical supply company – specifically in the surgical tongs they use to extract sex toys from people’s asses . Yes it would . I’ve heard that the book was horrible written . Why are books with shitty writing always the most popular . I mean the Da Vinci Code ? Fuck you sir . Fuck you . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
||||
|
Take care, Basil. You go too far Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
| |||
|
I only read the first book and it got very tedious to me, way before I got to the end. I guess it really was a turn-on for the Harlequin romance crowd.
| |||
|
I could probably answer most of your questions, but meh, it's not even worth it. And agreed about the DaVinci Code! I remember around that time, when I'd see a dating site profile where the dude said that was the most recent book he read, it was always a tip-off that he was the kind of guy who reads one book a year. Followed by The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, although that one was actually a pretty good story.   
|
Become a member to create a blog
