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Alice and the Werewolf
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Alice and the Werewolf The surface of the mirror wavered and then after a moment rippled like the surface of a pond . On a nearby perch a plump striped cat glanced incuriously at the mirror for a moment before yawning and settling back to sleep . For several minutes the mirror continued to ripple – the wave-forms speeding up and slowing down until they reached a frantic pace . A moment late the mirror bowed outwards like the plastic of a balloon stretching being inflated . Suddenly with a sharp pop the mirror returned to normal and there stood Alice , returned from another adventure through the looking glass . She released from her rough and weary hand her vorpal sword , terror of many a jabberwock , which stood curiously on point completely upright and straight rather than clattering to the ground . With a weary sigh she unbuckles the White Knight’s breastplate , scoured with shark-bites , and released it to the ground where it landed not with a clatter , but seemed to levitate – caught and carried to safety by living chess pieces . Taking off her blonde wig to reveal curly chestnut locks slick with sweat Alice sits heavily in a comfortable overstuffed chair , strands of the blonde wig held limply in her tired hand . “Do you ever feel like you’re life is stuck on repeat ? That you’re just doing the same things over and over and over again ? I feel like I've killed so many bandersnatches that the word has lost all meaning .” The cat looked up from its contented curled ball of sleep and answered her “Of course not, I’m a cat , cats don’t think of such things .” Alice look at the mirror thoughtfully “Who would have thought such a life could become routine ?” “You’ve been spending too much time in the looking glass Alice” said the cat “the folk down the rabbit hole are starting to think you’ve forgotten about them .” After a long moment of silence Alice answered “Things are weird between the Knave of Hearts and I right now . . . it seemed best to give him some space .” “More likely you just don’t want to deal with it .” Alice closed her eyes and lay her head back “What do you know about it ? You’re just a cat .” “You should be nicer to me , you could be just a dream of mine – perhaps if I woke up you would go out—bang ! —like a candle” . “I should be so lucky , then I wouldn’t having to spend my time growing and shrinking and growing and shrinking all the time – the doctor says it’s really bad for me . Plus you’re awake right now anyway.” “Am I though ?” said the cat “Life , what is it but a dream ?” Alice lifted her head and leveled a stern finger at the cat “Don’t start in with that again .” The cat’s response was interrupted by a knock-knock-knocking on the chamber door . A flower that can move about started towards the door but Alice waved off the Saint Bernard’s Lily and headed to the door herself . She seemed about to open it but then stopped with her hand on the knob and sang out sweetly “Who is it ?” “Werewolf” came the gruff voice through the door . “Pardon me ?” “Werewolf ma’am , I’m here to eat you .” Alice looked back at the cat and inquired “Did you hire a werewolf to eat me ?” The cat grinned itself slowly into invisibility and replied “Don’t look at me .” Alice groaned at this well-worn joke and then opened the door to reveal a massive shaggy black werewolf in a sharp looking black suit and tie . “Whoa , your head is huge .” The werewolf stalked into the room , sniffing the air , as Alice closed the door behind him . “Actually humans have very small heads as far as mammals go , relative to their body size . My head is perfectly proportioned for a wolf of this size .” “Why are you that size ? If a werewolf is half man and half wolf shouldn’t you be halfway between their sizes and therefore smaller than a man ? You’re like 8 feet tall and probably 4 bills easy .” The werewolf loomed over her at full height “I couldn’t say , I just know this is the size that I am . Any other questions ?” “Yeah , why are you wearing that suit ? You have black fur , a black suit on top of that isn’t a very good look . That’s like a girl with red hair wearing a red dress . It’s too much .” “Boy you’re just full of opinions aren’t you ? First you call me bighead and then you fashion shame me ? “ Alice shrugged “Well you are here to eat me .” “Exactly , you should show a little more gratitude .” Alice was nonplussed , she had grown used to a strange turn of phrase due to her career as an adventurer in fantastical hidden worlds . She sat back in her chair “Tell me one thing before the eating begins , Little Red Riding Hood , is that a werewolf in that whole deal or what ?” “No , just a normal wolf .” “That can talk and impersonate a grandmother ?” Alice said dubiously . “Says the woman who’s been to more than one Lobster Quadrille .” “Fair point” said Alice as she took out a small bottle with “DRINK ME” written on the side “I guess we better get to the eating then .” The wolf licked his lips “Sounds good , pop those knickers off then and we’ll get to work .” “What ?!” exclaimed Alice . “I told you” said the werewolf “I’m here to eat you” and then held his fingers up in a V – lolling his tongue lusciously and wetly between them , sending a small spout of drool-droplets flying about the room . “Oh , I thought you meant – “ “I know what you thought !” said the werewolf scornfully “you thought I was here to kill you and devour your flesh like a wasp in a wig devours a bucket of elephant honey . And why ?” “Because you’re a werewolf” said Alice in a resigned tone . “Exactly ! Just because I am a transformational American you assume that I’m going to hunt and slay my fellow man when all I wanted to do was pleasure you orally . Shame on you Alice , shame on you .” “Well if I’m being honest I’m not super pumped about the idea of a wolfman slobbering all over my private parts anyway . I mean , it’s been a while sure , but I’m not getting humped by no werewolf .” “No one said anything about humping , I just – “ “Yeah , yeah , whatever pal , I’m not into it” said Alice taking him by the arm and showing him to the door “You know , thanks for stopping by and whatnot but you can be on your way .” The werewolf grabbed onto the doorframe as she tried to push him out “Wait , hold on just one second . How about if I just eat you a little bit ? Just to see how it feels .” “Take a hint buddy , I got soup that has too much pepper in the kitchen calling my name and if you don’t get out of here right now I’ve got a flamingo-croquet mallet with your name on it .” The werewolf backed out the door with this hands help up “Alright , alright” he said in a wounded tone “I was just trying to be neighborly , no need to threaten anyone with a bird-bludgeoning .” As Alice closed the door the cat frowned himself back to visibility “FYI Alice , I ate that soup but I did leave you some Tweedledumplings .” Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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The rabbit told me you'd be late , but I didn't think it'd be this late ! I'm afraid there's no room , no room at all . It's a pity , because all kinds of wonderful things can happen at a tea party , and you'll never know . There's just no room . Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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Well done except for ..... nevermind. Just well done. Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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Excellent!  
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"Well now you HAVE to tell me" Alice never fought the Jabberwocky. It was made up for the movie and the movie took it from the wrong book (like half the movie did) The book purist cringed a little until I remembered that you make up stuff all the time hence the "never mind" Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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