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I slice off my shirt with my katana and activate my nipple ring of exquisite pain
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I slice off my shirt with my katana and activate my nipple ring of exquisite pain If no one ever mentioned ayahuasca to me ever again that would be okay . I may need to add the desire to try hallucinogens to the list of common factors women attracted to me have . I don't get it at all . Expand your mind ? What does that even mean ? And why is it good ? I think part of what I don't like about mushroom people is they seem to have a sense of superiority about it . Snooty mushroom people can go fly a kite says I . Did you know that ayahuasca significantly reduces symptoms of treatment-resistant depression ? I didn't . Of course that could be just drug people trying to come up with a justification for the thing they want to do . That drives me crazy also . Potheads love to talk about all the other things you can do with hemp . Fuck off pal , you just want to get high - admit it . You don't have a rope factory . The other day one of my oldest and dearest friends said this to me - "I love hanging out with you because it makes me stop caring about all the stupid things in life that stress me out that don't really matter ." followed shortly by him saying this - "The problem is if we hang out for too long I find I stop caring about anything ." 40deuce - Use with caution . If there's anything wrong with wanting to make sweet ,sweet love to a lady's asshole while she eats an entire box of Frosted Flakes hey I don't want to be right . I just got a friend request from what I think is one of my childhood friends . That's slightly odd . I bet if I had stayed living in my childhood neighborhood where said friendship had existed we probably would have fooled around when we got to a certain age . Now for one my classic take a listicle and pretend that's good content for a blog . The other day I read the 40 things no man over 40 should have because I wanted to hate myself more . I mean I do a pretty solid job of hating myself but we can always do better you know ? Toys in boxes - Yep , although not that many really Movie posters - Yep , Guardians of the Galaxy and Dark Knight A condiment drawer - No , although I don't really eat fast food and that's what they're talking about . I know what they're getting at , but still there's no reason to throw those away if you'll use them right ? Frozen dinners or snacks - I tater tots sometimes does that count ? Instant coffee - Coffee is gross and I hate it . Another listicle thought told me if you don't have a coffee maker in your house for guests you're a piece of shit though so I lose anyway . Sugary treats - No issue there , I mean 2 years ago sure , but I was 39 then so I guess I did it ? Soft drinks - Even diet or "zero" versions . I have tons of these . Beer sign - Not really an issue for me . Although this is bad at any age if you ask me . Sports trophies - Does a pro wrestling belt count ? That's even worse I suppose . I watched a video on FriendFinder-x one time where a lady was banging this dude who had a WWE replica belt hanging above his bed . There were tons of comments on this video - all about the belt . Fake plants - Is this even a thing ? I have never known a dude with fake plants in his house . Plastic shelves - Nope , although they say particle board is also unacceptable and I think I have a shelf with those . Futon - I don't think there's anything wrong with having a futon in a spare room . I would agree with not having it as your bed although no man over 40 would anyway because those things are uncomfortable as balls . A recliner - Funny , I associate recliners with old people . Regardless I don't have one . Old sheets and towels - How old ? My sheets and towel are all in good shape . Clutter - My place is pretty tidy . Not sure why this only applies to men over 40 though . Sheets used as curtains - Again , I don't think this is okay whatever age you are . Beer can collection - Not an issue with me A mattress with no frame - Like just on the floor ? Again I say , not acceptable at any age . Mismatched dishes - I think I'm alright here . A bean bag chair - I'm fine here , at least until I line up my home equity loan so I can a Love Sack . Sports Paraphernalia - Not an issue for me but I think you would be hard pressed to find many men over 40 that don't have SOMETHING from a sports team hanging up somewhere . My brother in law has an entire room of Chicago Bears and Bulls crap . DJ Equipment - WTF ? I feel like the lady who wrote this list has a specific ax to grind here . Who has DJ equipment ? Besides DJs . Christmas Lights as decorations - Again , WTF ? Is this a thing ? I feel like she's just padding the list now . A video gaming station - LOL good luck lady . I don't have one but every other man in America does . Man oh man do women hate video games . I guess because they hate the idea of anyone having fun . Novelty anything - Seems pretty board . I think I have this one covered though . Glassware with logos - Hmm , I have them but I don't use them . Is that better or worse ? Grilled cheese maker - I didn't even know this was a thing . I don't care for grilled cheese myself . Snuggy - The only Snuggies I've ever encountered were owned by women . Crappy knives - Is this an issue ? I feel like I've had a decent knife set since day one . Speakers - Not sure why this is a problem but I don't got'em . Mounted Weaponry - Double LOL . This lady is clearly targeting her BF or husband with some of these . Who has a sword on their wall ? I mean I would , I just don't . Sock with holes - I HATE holey socks . I throw socks away the minute they get a little thin . Did I say throw away ? I meant burn . Body Spray - Once again I say never okay . Ill-fitting clothing - This isn't my fault , they don't make clothes for fat people . Wire or plastic hangers - Hubba what ? I'm supposed to have ALL wooden hangers ? That is insane madam . Fluorescent bulbs - I don't frigging know who pays attention to what kind of light bulbs they have . Apparently women care a lot . Hey baby I got 8 thick inches AND a houseful of LED bulbs . Bowling shirts - I have one , I wear it sometimes . A mess - Seems like a duplicate . I don't do dishes every day . A scooter - Huh ? Like the one you stand on and push or like a moped ? I have neither obviously but I don't think there's anything wrong with a motorized scooter if you live in a nice climate . Shot glasses - Again not an issue for this guy . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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Do you know what kind of person becomes a psychologist ? A person that wishes deep down everyone more special than them was sick. Because healthy sounds so much more exciting than boring. You’re average . You’re every kid on the playground that didn't get picked on. You’re business casual potted plant, a human white sale. You’re VH1, Robocop 2, and Back to the Future 3. You’re the center slice of a square cheese pizza. Actually, that sounds delicious. I’m the center slice of a square cheese pizza. You’re Jim Belushi. Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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Even though I’m as judgy as just about anyone, my ruling is that that is an unreasonable list. And yeah I would say you have a relatively grownup lifestyle for a single dude.   
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Good thing I'm not a man over 40 cuz I would totally flunk that list. and - I need to know - is that box of Frosted Flakes with or without milk? Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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