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| Blogs > legsallthewayup > Dear Anne Slanders....... |
Is there a reason?
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Is there a reason? So, there I was........How many times have I started an anecdote, either real or fictional with those 4 words? But now, here I am, not handcuffed and naked from the waist down, nor is my ass in any kind of compromising condition, and it's not nearly so provocative as one of my anecdotal ramblings. It is just me. Sitting alone at the computer at o'dark thirty on a sunday morning, questioning the meaning of life, or rather, the "big picture" and my place in it. I have always believed in a sort of pre ordained destiny, you know, the dance of life being somewhat choregraphed, at least, in an outline format, if you will. That sounds a little confusing, even to me, so to simplify, I will break it down. I am one of those people who believes that everything happens for a reason. I'm not really sure who I think is in charge of determining the reason, all I know is that I am supposed to learn something from everything that happens, that WE are supposed to learn something from everything that happens to us, either good or bad. Truth be told, I think if i did know the reason, then I would probably argue with whoever came up with it and that is precisely why I am kept in the dark. For example, my best friend and brother died suddenly 3 years ago at age 26. This is one of those events that I'm quite sure I would have contested the whys and wheretofores of. I am still trying to figure out all the things I am supposed to be learning about as a result of his death. I'm not sure what the "plan" said, but I can tell you that I have learned how precious life is and how important it is to let the ones you love know how much and why you love them, and how much you cherish the time you DO have together. After some of the initial anger subsided, I admit there is still a huge void that he used to fill, but I am so grateful for the 26 years I did have him in my life, and how lucky those of us who he touched were to have known him. I have always said, "don't worry about the stuff you don't have, treasure the stuff you do have", but I have to remind myself of the reality of what that means on a daily basis. Haven't you ever wondered, when some life altering, cataclysmic event occurs, and impacts you or those close to you, what the plan is? I feel like saying, hey, yeah, I may have lost my job, but I know that it happened for a reason, and that somehow, I will learn from it and my life will is better because it happened...yeah, right...like I really NEEDED to build more character. Sometimes when I think about who I was and what I had in my past, as compared to who I am now, and what I have, or in my case, what I DON'T have, have I actually moved forward? I wonder. This would be one of those times where I need to remind myself. I welcome any comments, experiences , ideas or relevations that reading this may have conjured for you. Life is a journey, and I plan on stopping to ask for directions a LOT before I get to wherever it is I am going. Plus, maybe someone one will help me drive or chip in for gas once in a while.....it could happen. This being said, I will go back to the irreverent and sophomoric Anne Slanders in my next post. Thanks for stopping by.  |
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8/20/2006 3:58 pm |
I think someone at some time lost the rule book for this game of life  Welcome to the Blogs 
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There are no concrete answers, only a continuous searching for them. Blog On!
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8/20/2006 9:43 pm |
Excellent post. Thanks for the great read. I'll be looking for more.
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Hello Legs, Dusty has a rare habit/ ability of finding people like you. I nearly lost my Father this week and may yet. I wrote a letter earlier today not quite on the subject but another way of viewing such. I will quote without divulging names....................................... " l when it was time to take my very new daughter home. The nurse slipped the infant into my arms. And I stood there dumb founded. Marveling, incredulous that I, I could just take this small person home. The nurse assured me that I could. I am an engineer of sorts. I build things. I use instruction manuals. My daughter came with NONE. Nearly twenty years later I am still in a stunned awe, hoping that even without empirical instructions, I did the right thing this morning. The raising of just one child is a far more daunting task than a general commanding a thousand troops. You have a fortunate niece. You are un married? Children? Mother? Father? I know that there must be at least one remarkable human about you. You may be, but I doubt that you are a phoenix, born of yourself. lol I would guess your mother. My Father is doing better. You may have gathered from the blogs that I have Four parents. Three are suddenly ailing. I think two will recover and continue for however many years that they are granted. My mother in Florida is not well and will not recover. Lung cancer, late stages, discovered in April. I have various feeling about this now. I have no perspective at the moment. Maybe one should not have 'perspective', just plunge in. When we carve in ice, the beauty of the sculpture will be fleeting. I sing. Is there anything more fleeting than carved air or the emotion that filtered out on those ripples in the pond? Coffee, tea, and beer consumed with friends is only borrowed or rented. Enough beer and you could swear that the rental charge for the beer is measured in minutes. And that length of time that we call a life time. Many infants don't survive the first day. Yet it is a life time. Or my friend Nolan, he died when we were twelve. He lived a life time. Should I or anyone live to be 100 years, it would still be a life time. We just rent this space, this air and water. We are but caretakers of land and seas and those that follow us. Ripples in the pond. Sorry. I can't seem.........................................." We are caretakers, temporary, an art that is ephemeral and fleeting. Lasting only a little longer than carved air or ice and a little less than the stone of the Pyramids. All fleeting , all ephemeral. Our real depth or purpose may be the art, the love, the ripples in the pond that splash on the shins of the waders. He has outlived himself in his effects on you and all that knew him. And most likely he still makes you a better person in your smallest acts today. Please forgive this trespass. Dean
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Great post. But dont kid ya self you will never understand why your brother is gone. Not trying to be mean just honest. I lost my brother a while back almost a decade and a day does not go by that I do not ask why. And just when I have learn to live without him and forgotten the void he left, my best friend and close friend who is like a sister passes away. Even though she was living on borrowed time. Its still hard. Just when I learn to jump start the part of me that my brother took, my friend died and took it with her as well. Like you I treasure those alive but I miss those that have gone before me. questioning why. For now I just wake up and pray to get through the day. Sometimes I do a good job, sometimes I just lay in bed and let the world go by. Bottom line you never forget, the date of death, the birthdays and the holidays, you just learn to live with the pain and void left behind.
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Great post. But dont kid ya self you will never understand why your brother is gone. Not trying to be mean just honest. I lost my brother a while back almost a decade and a day does not go by that I do not ask why. And just when I have learn to live without him and forgotten the void he left, my best friend and close friend who is like a sister passes away. Even though she was living on borrowed time. Its still hard. Just when I learn to jump start the part of me that my brother took, my friend died and took it with her as well. Like you I treasure those alive but I miss those that have gone before me. questioning why. For now I just wake up and pray to get through the day. Sometimes I do a good job, sometimes I just lay in bed and let the world go by. Bottom line you never forget, the date of death, the birthdays and the holidays, you just learn to live with the pain and void left behind. you should read the blog, ode to butch by my other half, Steel_Legs, its in our blog under that name. a very moving, touching tribute to his lost brother. hang in there. and get busy livin....
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8/21/2006 4:02 am |
very very good, lifes learning curve i suppose. i am sure we are all following a plan, not sure who designed it but am hoping for a bit of good soon as so far this year has been very testing and i know there is still some tests to come but we learn from these tests, how to deal, how to cope and how to improve things, so chin up and put your best foot forward and see what happens next. unclepxxx
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I have learned that sometimes their leaving has to do with making YOU stronger. It is a hard thing to bear I know. I was lucky almost lost someone dear to me once. He is still here and we both learned from that incident. But the thing I have kept with me the most from all of it was, nothing else in Life is as scary as almost losing a child. Nothing else reall scares me anymore and I am no longer afraid of death. There is something on the other side loving us and waiting for us. We are all here for a purpose.......to learn and to love. Funny how sometimes those things are just so damn hard to do. I try hard now when something bugs me to ask myself this question.... will this matter in 5 or 10yrs....you would be surprised how much really doesnt matter.
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8/21/2006 1:20 pm |
awesome write and yes life always throws us curves we have to learn how to straighten them out somehow
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I have learned that sometimes their leaving has to do with making YOU stronger. It is a hard thing to bear I know. I was lucky almost lost someone dear to me once. He is still here and we both learned from that incident. But the thing I have kept with me the most from all of it was, nothing else in Life is as scary as almost losing a child. Nothing else reall scares me anymore and I am no longer afraid of death. There is something on the other side loving us and waiting for us. We are all here for a purpose.......to learn and to love. Funny how sometimes those things are just so damn hard to do. I try hard now when something bugs me to ask myself this question.... will this matter in 5 or 10yrs....you would be surprised how much really doesnt matter.
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I don't believe in re-incarnation so I guess that means I'll never be a Buddhist but, I kinda believe in Karma and believe that our life's experiences aren't a sort of punishment, reward or retribution for something or another...But our actions create what we have to live out. There is no plan... no greater force has a plan for me... that's absurd.. to me anyway...
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8/22/2006 2:43 pm |
I wonder the same thing every day, I lost my mom 6 yrs ago she was my best friend. life is mysterouse we never know whats goin to happen. I guess we are just suppose to love and live life day to day. hugs your doin a good job sweetie. love the blogs.
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I think having a positive mental outlook is a good think. Lets face it life can suck alot of times but doing that 5-10yr thing puts alot into perspective and can save you alot of stress. And sometimes it really makes you look at something differently rather than just wallowing. I think your doing great Legs.........
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hello ya sound like a good hearted person!yes i can say things happen for reasons, some times we over look them!i can tell you i know first hand about reasons why things happen,every person i have had a relationship with was put in to my life for good reasons. reasons are unknown untill ya take the time to think about the whys,how comes,and ect. any way hope things are better for ya!by the way i think your a beautiful woman inside and out! would love to get to know you!please read my blog and feel free to coment on any thing! and hay check out my profile,drop me a line any time. thanks! i enjoy giving sexual pleasure to a woman,i am always hungy for the taste of a woman's pussy!,
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