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AKA on being a Giver
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AKA on being a Giver “It is the giver, and not the gift, that engages the heart.” I have been doing a lot of “soul searching” trying to find the answers to some very important questions for the last couple of months. Now remember I’m an Aquarius and our quests are usually for the “Holy Grail,” so we tend to do a lot of searching … lol. What I have come to realize is that I am a “giver.” Some of the research that I came across suggests that everyone is a natural-born giver. Some of us choose not to use this gift. One way or another, we help someone in some way throughout our lives. It is not so important, the quantity (how many times we give), but more so the quality and timeliness of help. I came across a list of eight levels of giving (and this may look VERY familiar to some of you), correlating to the degree to which the giver is sensitive to the needs and feelings of the recipient. Level Eight: Giving grudgingly, with a sour countenance.Giving grudgingly is certainly better than not giving at all, but it is the lowest of all forms of charity. This form of giving is ironically selfish -- it is motivated by guilt, not true caring. Level Seven: Giving less than you can afford, but doing so pleasantly.The benefit of a friendly response is so powerful that it even offsets the sting of an underwhelming . Even if you don't feel ready to commit yourself to meeting someone else's needs to the full extent of your capacity, you can express genuine interest and empathy. A sincere expression of caring can satisfy the person emotionally and give him the strength to go on, even if you weren't able or willing to grant his request completely. Level Six: Giving generously, but only after being asked. While it's certainly preferable to be proactive, at the very least, don't give a cold shoulder to those who approach you for help. You can never know just how laborious and awkward it was for them to ask you for a favor, and how desperately they are counting on you to respond graciously. Our society tends to encourage us to say "no" to the demands and requests of others. We are made to feel like fools or wimps if we allow people to appeal to our soft nature. This is not saying that we should let others walk all over us. However, if we are honest with ourselves we can always find a way to fill the other person's need, or refer them to someone else who can. Level Five: Giving before you are asked. Learn to anticipate the needs of others even before they approach you. Don't wait for the self-destructive behavior or the cry for help before stepping in to lend a hand. Don't limit your involvement to those who appeal to you; seek out opportunities where you can make a difference. Level Four: The recipient knows the giver, but the giver does not know the recipient. In levels five through eight, the recipient and the giver are both known to each other. So even when the giving is done with utmost sensitivity and happiness to help, theirs is a relationship of superiority: the giver's ego is gratified, and the recipient feels shame and inferiority because of his dependency. At this level, the giving is done in such a way that the recipient is aware of the identity of his benefactor, but remains anonymous to him. In this case, the donor feels more humble, since he is not aware of to whom he is giving. However, the recipient's feelings are not spared to the same extent, since he knows who gave him the charity. Level Three: The giver knows the recipient, but the recipient does not know the giver. At this level, the donor's ego has some room to express itself. Since the giver knows who is receiving his bounty, there is room for some sense of one-upmanship or dominance over the receiver. However, the beneficiary is unaware of who the donor is, and so his dignity is preserved. (The fact that Level Three is higher than Level Four is proof of the Chassidic adage that we should take into account the other's benefit before considering the possible disadvantages to ourselves -- in spiritual matters as well as material. While it is certainly important to avoid ego and arrogance wherever possible, it is more important to salvage the dignity of someone else.) Level Two: Giving anonymously, where the recipient does not know the giver and vice versa. Receiving mutually anonymous takes much of the sting out of being on the receiving end. It is far better when we lend aid to others unconsciously -- when we give ourselves over to others so completely that our egos merge with theirs, and neither is conscious of being in a superior or inferior position. Level One: Helping someone to become self-sufficient. The most basic need of a human being is to feel needed and capable. Thus, the highest form is to help someone find a job or set them up in business. This preserves their dignity, and at the same time transforms them from being a recipient into one with the capacity to give to others. Similarly, if you are in a position to counsel or give advice to someone, it is important to instill in them confidence in their own ability to find solutions to their dilemmas, and even be a source of strength to others. Ok, so you are probably wondering why I took all this time to talk about the concept of giving. The imperative to give is deeply ingrained in the soul. I have met individuals who suspected ulterior motives as my motivation for giving. Even a few folks that I thought were friends, but ended our friendship when help was given. And this has caused me a lot of personal anguish. This is my true nature; this is how I was raised and this is how I live my life. There are no strings attached to my giving. (I am thankful for the ones who see this in me  )In the course of our lives, we face many situations when we are dependent on the kindness and generosity of others to make it through difficult times. The way we reach out to others when fortune is on our side will often determine how fate will treat us in our moment of need. I truly believe that the gifts that we give to others will eventually return to us. Our acts of charity toward each other are the “vessel and receptacle” for the flow of sustenance. When we give ourselves to help others in some way, it shows the natural-born giver in us all. Some fight the urge to give and “win.” But giving, in the sense of the duty to share, is but one expression of a deeper, underlying truth - that existence itself is founded on a giver-recipient dynamic (i.e. we live to give and receive). Some how words here seem appropriate to a level one can give with the wrong or right intention and motivation… Artist: Sugarland Song: Stay “Why don't you stay I'm down on my knees I'm so tired of being lonely Don't I give you what you need When she calls you to go There is one thing you should know We don't have to live this way Baby, why don't you stay…” “I can't take it any longer But my will is getting stronger And I think I know just what I have to do I can't waste another minute After all that I've put in it I've given you my best Why does she get the best of you So next time you find you wanna leave her bed for mine Why don't you stay I'm up off my knees I'm so tired of being lonely You can't give me what I need When she begs you not to go There is one thing you should know I don't have to live this way Baby, why don't you stay, yeah” AKA  |
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Mzhunyhole...I'm so excited that so many folks who feel as I do. I was beginning to think that I was alone Thanks so much for stopping by! AKA {=} AKA
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Thank you for the wonderful post, I think I have spent more time soul searching than anything else lately. It is so rewarding to find a nugget of truth about yourself. I too am a giver and it is very frustrating when People take it wrong or feel like they need to repay you for your act of kindness etc. I love to be able to help anyone I can, it does come back to us. Women Women everywhere and not a pussy to eat......
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Hi Jim, For some subjects, I really feel passion When that happens, the keys strokes fly.Thanks for stopping by! AKA{=} AKA
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Hi bud, Any day that you can tell a story like that is a good day Thanks for stopping by! AKA{=} AKA
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