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| Blogs > akawarmwetone > Warmwetone - What's Inside |
Lack of Courage...
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Lack of Courage... I lost a good friend on December 31, 2008. He didn’t die. Instead, he did something that I cannot ever forgive ‒ He withheld the truth for an extended period of time (he knew I’d go ballistic…lol) and then he decided to fill me in with what’s been going on with him for the last month or so. He’s getting married… He move home earlier in the year and we both eventually know that we would both move on with our lives. I guess I unrealistically thought he would have enough courage to share with me that part of his life. Sheesh ‒ he shared everything else with me. (I should send him a bill for job and mental health counseling and legal advice.) This is someone who I helped rebuild himself - he went through a divorce, a loss of a job (through an acquisition) and accepting a job that was hellish. He wasn’t going anywhere with his job search when I met him and was very down. I felt he just needed some encourage and positive reinforcement. So I rewrote his resume. That, along with some TLC, helped to restore his confidence. His job search landed him 5 job offers. While all this was going on, I realized that I was in love with him. Shortly, before he left Indianapolis, he came to the same conclusion. We have been in frequent contact and I have been there for him ‒ to listen to him, give him input, coach him, etc. Hell, I even did his Christmas shopping for his family. I visited him twice after he left and enjoyed each visit. I even got to meet his family ‒ Mom (who he adores), Dad (who he seems to have a love/hate relationship with) and even his bi-polar ‒ all the people who I had heard so much about. For all I can recall, everything was fine between us before I left for vacation (November 15 - 29). He even told me that he wanted me to come visit again when his wasn't living with him. I did his Christmas shopping for him when I was in St. Maarten on vacation. Was he dating this person when I asked me to do his shopping for him? If so, he’s got some gall… Having rewritten his resume, I know the real reason that he left his jobs. At the time I rewrote his resume, I agreed to serve as his “employer” if contacted and to serve to substantiate his employment dates - sometimes love distort one’s perception of right and wrong. He blurred them quite a bit - ex. Company X, 2007 ‒ 2008; actually dates ‒ 9/2007 to 1/2008. With his last job, he lasted only 6 weeks and the employment dates on his resume are stated as 2008 - 2008. When he filled out the job application for his current position, it asked for month/year to month/year employment dates. He did not list the actual time frames. I’ve heard that revenge can really feel good. He had been having issues with his current employer ‒ not making his sales numbers, not bringing in business, etc. He shared that he feared that he would be fired. Since most job applications have a statement on them something to the effect that falsification of any information will result in termination, in my mind, it feels SO good to contact his employer and inform them of his fraud. Not so sure if it would feel so good if I actually did it, so I haven’t…lol. I am SO hurt by his treatment. He broke my heart... Thanks for listening and for the shoulder! I’m feeling better already  AKA{=} AKA  |
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It sounds like you are better off without him. Your interest in him seems to be more maternal than in a life partner. I wouldn't bother informing on him but I wouldn't lie if someone phoned to ask questions in the future.   The perversity of the universe is unbounded.
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I agree, tell him don't let the door hit him in the ass. I wouldn't inform on him. Looks like he'll solve that job problem and this time you won't be there to help him. Take care
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Wow... You deserve SO much better sweetheart.. So much better. The good news is that now you have the opportunity to move on to better things, right? -tm
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1/4/2009 3:33 pm |
LA, Take the high road, always, for the negative energy you feel will dissipate in time, but if not ignored and acted upon, lasts a lifetime. Since you are the scholarly type, check out this book if you have not read it as of yet: Living a Life that Matters by Harold Kushner. Excellent read about taking the high road, for the low road only consumes us. Some other reads, unrelated this, but nonetheless interesting: Outlier by Malcolm Gladwell The Tipping Point, also by Gladwell. You will love all three. DA
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Hey DA...Thanks for the reading suggestions I ordered the books last night and I'm looking forward to reading them! Take care, LA AKA
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Thanks for all the kind words! I do realize I compromised my values. I always say to trust your "gut" feeling (there's usually a rational basis that it stems from) and I didn't listen to my own advice. Here's to a HAPPY, HEALTHY and HOT NEW YEAR! Love ya, AKA{=} AKA
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LA, as we discussed, sometimes the best medicine is to write the letter but not send it. It allows you to completely express your feelings and frustrations and even envision what you would *like* to resolve the incident in your mind. But, as DA says (he is such a wise man!), let it go. Write the letters but then burn them in the fire place while you sip a nice glass of wine. Don't look back as he is not worth it. You deserve more! And of the three books, Tipping Point is my preference.  Best of luck! xox Ann Be sure to check out our group: Naughty and Nice Northside
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1/9/2009 7:21 pm |
LA, I can understand how you feel. There are so many people who wrap themselves up in lies and deception. No worries, though. He will eventually get caught up in them, and land flat on his face. You won't be there to pick up the pieces for him, though. It is best to move on, and let Karma work it's way thru. Know that you are worth much better than him, and will eventually find it. Peace and hugs FMLH "...Take me as you find me. All my fears and failures. Fill my life again..." From Mighty to Save
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