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Funnies
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Funnies A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said that the cost would be $3,500 for small, $6,500 for medium and $14,000 for large. The man was sure he wanted a large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking quite dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor. The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen." ------------------------------------------------------ Hillary Clinton goes to her doctor for a physical, only to find out that she's pregnant. She is furious. Here she's in the middle of her first run for president and as Senator of New York this has happened to her. She calls home, gets Bill on the phone and immediately starts screaming; "How could you have let this happen? With all that's going on right now, you go and get me pregnant! How could you? I can't believe this! I just found out I am five weeks pregnant and it is all your fault! Your fault! Well, what have you got to say?" There is nothing but dead silence on the phone. She screams again, "Did you hear me?" Finally she hears Bill's very, very quiet voice. In a barely audible whisper he says, "Who is this?" ------------------------------------------------------ Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "NO!" And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, dancing, slept in, drank vodka, always had a clean house, never had to cook, did whatever the hell she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, traveled more, had many lovers, didn't save money, and had all the hot water to herself. She went to the theater, never watched sports, never wore fricken lacy lingerie that went up her ass, had high self esteem, never cried or yelled, felt and looked fabulous in track pants, and burped, swore, and farted all the time. ------------------------------------------------------ You are on a , galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is a sharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the same speed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and your is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the same speed as you and the Kangaroo. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation? If you do not know, see answer below. Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round. |
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