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| Blogs > rm_DevilCharmZ > RidiculouslyIdioticMind |
Dead Rabbit.
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Dead Rabbit. My rabbit is dead. It has aged... Admittedly I'm not been giving it enough love and attention as I had initially thought... I think deep inside of me I've got this 'silent fear'... I can't handle 'death' or departure well... Not that I'm much affected by it. The fact is most of the time I just couldn't be affected by it... Just when I thought it's all 'too sad' and I won't want to rear another pet, and all is useless and meaningless... A couple of thoughts came to my mind.... 1. Do not start anything unless you're ready to give the amount of commitment you're expected to give in return for something worthy of it..... 2. Life is short. Small pet's life is relatively short compared to human's. Human thus have the delusion that life is so much longer... The very truth is life is short... It can as easily be over before you know it. Don't hesitate on the love you should be giving to your family, relatives, friends, lover, spouse, , teachers, colleagues, whatever.... Cause you'll never know when it's gonna be over and too late for either party.... It's complicated... Really. My mind has been like spinning in rounds.. I used to feel proud that I can think in 'layers' and 'levels' unlike most other people... But these days it just seems to get automatically more and more complicated...? Like I no longer can have control over it... Or is this just a passing phase...? I remember how I used to have this 'out of body' experience back in my school days... Well.. More like 'out of mind'? (Okie, just that my mind is always wandering and often it feels like it's not with me... -_-") I hate thinking about sex because it makes me have a HARD ON. Especially at this hour... Often I can either choose to wank myself or go to sleep.. (or go online gaming before I sleep) As I'm one who don't like to wank (though I know how to do it so that I can really enjoy it), I often just end up in bed... Eventually? (though with online gaming I'll still get to 'shoot' - still a form of 'release' yup..??  )Sometimes I look at the empty room next door and can't help thinking how it'll be like to be sexing someone in that bed within.... Why ain't you ready yet...? Do you know that the person I really wish and wish to have sex with now is REALLY YOU...? Somehow I'm beginning to believe that you'll never be ready... Not in years to come at least... And just where have 'you' gone to...? I'm beginning to doubt what you've said to me are even real....? This night.... There seems so much to do... As usual...? |
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