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| Blogs > hotdreamer1000 > While I was Dreaming |
You get it, don't you?
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You get it, don't you? Lately there are things about the way I feel that I don't really understand. I mean for most of my life I have been used to understanding myself pretty well. That doesn't mean I have always known what to do about it, or made good choices - my goodness there have been enough things I would like to have handled better......found a different way of doing. But usually I knew why I was doing it. Why I felt the way I did. But lately..... It's not just that whole "Other life" thing. You remember that blog I wrote about wanting to have more than one life. Because sometimes to have a different life you have to give up what you already have, and I don't want to stop having this life. But that isn't it. I don't know what it is I want. I don't understand why I feel so.........what's that word Americans use? "Conflicted." There are too many things I want to do which are just completely mutually exclusive. But how do you make choices about things you don't understand? I don't have any way of even putting into thoughts, let alone words, what the choices are even all about. You get it don't you? Someone here always gets it somehow. |
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Not sure that I do, all I know is that we all have to make choices, good or bad, we might benefit from them, or pay the consequences of them, either way, those around us will never keep in consideration what we had to choose from...... WITHOUT PASSION LIFE IS NOTHING
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I'm pretty sure I get it. I have things I would love to do, but the life I have made here precludes me from doing them. I think that's one of the reasons why I work so hard at the triathlon stuff. It was something that I had wanted to do for a very long time but wasn't able to figure a way to work it in until things changed. I'm not sure if it's the "grass is always greener" kind of melancholy when we wish life might have gone in a different direction or whether or not we are just daydreaming, wishing that something in our lives would change. Hope this makes sense... 
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Not sure that I do, all I know is that we all have to make choices, good or bad, we might benefit from them, or pay the consequences of them, either way, those around us will never keep in consideration what we had to choose from......
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I'm pretty sure I get it. I have things I would love to do, but the life I have made here precludes me from doing them. I think that's one of the reasons why I work so hard at the triathlon stuff. It was something that I had wanted to do for a very long time but wasn't able to figure a way to work it in until things changed. I'm not sure if it's the "grass is always greener" kind of melancholy when we wish life might have gone in a different direction or whether or not we are just daydreaming, wishing that something in our lives would change. Hope this makes sense...
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I think I get it but in my case I know there's something missing....but I just don't know exactly what it is....or if I have enough time to find out. ~~Anais Nin~~
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I'm sorry I can't say it's me this time,...while I am conflicted I know very well what it's all about,...just have no idea how to resolve it I wish you better luck of sorting yours out than I think I will have with mine. Good girls go to heaven,....Bad girls go EVERYWHERE! I love to travel Come visit my blog tigger678902
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I'm sorry I can't say it's me this time,...while I am conflicted I know very well what it's all about,...just have no idea how to resolve it I wish you better luck of sorting yours out than I think I will have with mine.
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I think I get it but in my case I know there's something missing....but I just don't know exactly what it is....or if I have enough time to find out. But on the other hand, I did find myself thinking yesterday that it might be better to spend my energy making the most of what I have got instead of worrying about what I haven't got!
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Hello You Kissu 
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Hello You Kissu
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Nice phrase! Thanks Wild, I appreciate this more than you might realise. I'm not sure I can jump that high though! Dreamer.
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i TOTALLY get it. and finally... it's gone. one day it just leaves you. and you wonder, what the hell was that? then you look around and everything is the same only different. Respond to every call that excites Your Spirit ~Rumi  ..
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i TOTALLY get it. and finally... it's gone. one day it just leaves you. and you wonder, what the hell was that? then you look around and everything is the same only different.
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I do get it, I think. When I go into one of my melancholy states, people ask what's wrong, and all I can tell them is that there's too much world and not enough Sati. And they think I'm being arrogant, saying that there isn't enough of me to go around for everyone, when that's not it at all. People like me, and I imagine like you, we leave pieces of our hearts with everyone and everything we love. Love never ends for me, and I sometimes feel like I should have been born not one person but a hundred, all able to share experiences. I believe in an infinite number of universes, and somewhere there is a stormyroses who married her Sixth Form best friend and has a comfortable life looking after him and their two kids, and a stormyroses who lives in Japan with a sensitive, redheaded emo musician six years younger than her, and a stormyroses who lives in happy polyamory with a Nordic chef in his mid-fifties, and a stormyroses who resides in a palazzo in Milan with her Italian count, and a stormyroses who sits on a beach in Queensland while her surfer boyfriend plays guitar around a campfire. I live in an apartment in Venice CA, in an adobe house in New Mexico, in a colonial townhouse in Old Town Alexandria, in a mansion in Tokyo, in a saltbox in a New England fishing village, in a white-painted villa overlooking a Menorcan beach. I watch the sun rise over desert mesas and then collect clams at low tide on Cape Cod, spend the morning sailing the Mediterranean and the afternoon hiking the misty trails of the Black Forest, before throwing a glittering dinner party in my city apartment and falling asleep to the sound of the wind in the cornfields outside my farmhouse window. And here, I live alone, sometimes lonely, more often paralysed with the knowledge that choosing one, loving one, or even choosing to be a polyamorous nomad, means losing all the other parts of myself. So I refuse to choose, and remain ever free, and ever alone. I have no advice for you, my dearest Dreamer. If I knew how to choose a path, I would have. "Follow your heart" is the standard advice, but what to do when pieces of your heart remain with everyone and everything you love? I feel so fragmented sometimes, like no matter what I choose, pieces of me will be missing. I suppose you go with whatever would cause you the most pain to lose. Do not seek an external refuge, but be a light unto yourself. "Be the change you want to see." HalfNekkid Wednesday Peekaboo
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I do get it, I think. When I go into one of my melancholy states, people ask what's wrong, and all I can tell them is that there's too much world and not enough Sati. And they think I'm being arrogant, saying that there isn't enough of me to go around for everyone, when that's not it at all. People like me, and I imagine like you, we leave pieces of our hearts with everyone and everything we love. Love never ends for me, and I sometimes feel like I should have been born not one person but a hundred, all able to share experiences. I believe in an infinite number of universes, and somewhere there is a stormyroses who married her Sixth Form best friend and has a comfortable life looking after him and their two kids, and a stormyroses who lives in Japan with a sensitive, redheaded emo musician six years younger than her, and a stormyroses who lives in happy polyamory with a Nordic chef in his mid-fifties, and a stormyroses who resides in a palazzo in Milan with her Italian count, and a stormyroses who sits on a beach in Queensland while her surfer boyfriend plays guitar around a campfire. I live in an apartment in Venice CA, in an adobe house in New Mexico, in a colonial townhouse in Old Town Alexandria, in a mansion in Tokyo, in a saltbox in a New England fishing village, in a white-painted villa overlooking a Menorcan beach. I watch the sun rise over desert mesas and then collect clams at low tide on Cape Cod, spend the morning sailing the Mediterranean and the afternoon hiking the misty trails of the Black Forest, before throwing a glittering dinner party in my city apartment and falling asleep to the sound of the wind in the cornfields outside my farmhouse window. And here, I live alone, sometimes lonely, more often paralysed with the knowledge that choosing one, loving one, or even choosing to be a polyamorous nomad, means losing all the other parts of myself. So I refuse to choose, and remain ever free, and ever alone. I have no advice for you, my dearest Dreamer. If I knew how to choose a path, I would have. "Follow your heart" is the standard advice, but what to do when pieces of your heart remain with everyone and everything you love? I feel so fragmented sometimes, like no matter what I choose, pieces of me will be missing. I suppose you go with whatever would cause you the most pain to lose. But lovely though this reply of yours is, I can't quite bring myself to believe in multiple universes, in fact I am fairly confident science will find another, simpler explanation for the behaviour of particles sooner or later. And even if I could believe it, I would be worried for the other mes who made bad choices and ended up breaking their necks skiing the downhill, or became drug addicts or worse still, actually were ruthless slut-fuckers. But happily, despite the fact that I find being like this can be frustrating and difficult, I am rarely depressed or unhappy about it, and content myself with carrying on trying to make the best of this one life, and as you so aptly quote, being a light unto myself.
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