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Blogs > educatedaccent > First Date - Public Place

Money or Love? Or Love and Money?  

educatedaccent 74F
373 posts
6/22/2007 7:00 am

Last Read:
6/25/2007 9:23 am
Money or Love? Or Love and Money?
1 Why Money
Why not? Why do I want a man with Money? At least solvent, not a student nor unemployed.

I wasn't interested in Money or food as a university student because I'd had that at home. Then I had no interest in what I thought were boring businessmen, entrepreneurs - pardon?, unscrupulous property developers nor overweight lawyers. How could their conversation compare with that of an anthropologist?

I liked bearded academics wearing leather jackets. Preferably six foot five to make me feel protected and dominated because I was petite.

Now my ideas have changed. A man my height who can look into my eyes when we are both<b> barefoot </font></b>would be fine, and so would a cuddly man or a bald man. Or an entrepreneur. I've got more conventional in some ways, although less conventional in others.

I'm separated but not divorced from a successful academic. I've lived in America and the Far East as an ex pat and although I have no urge to travel right now I'd like somebody who could afford porters and hotels with creature comforts.

Roughing it? I gave up camping with midges and trekking through mud after dark to tent toilets at the age of sixteen.

My Glastonbury days are over. I can't see myself enjoying rock concerts and toilet queues when my incontinent husband who looks like Santa Claus and I are both hobbling along aided by walking frames.

I know Money isn't everything. Caring comes first. When you live apart, you don't care as much. When you don't care as much, you live apart.

I have a friend who gave up marriage to her husband in a huge house because when she had a health scare and wanted somebody to go with her to the doctor and hospital, her husband was too busy with strangers. Her new man drove hundreds of miles to be with her when she needed somebody.

My neighbour's husband meets her at the airport whenever she comes home. They were horrified to hear that my husband is too busy to do that.

However ... read on.

From my husband's company I get health care. And a flight to the other side of the world.

And visits to see all my friends who now live overseas. And back to see my here.

A new man would have to replace all of that.

At my age am I really going to go off with somebody who offers less than I already have?Either financially or in terms of emotional commitment?

Now that I'm ready to move on, I want more financial and emotional security, not less.

Doesn't that make sense?

My biggest fear, my biggest dilemma, is falling for somebody whose lifestyle will mean compromising mine.

I see plenty of men on this site who say NSA because they don't want another woman who needs their income and their emotional commitment. My reaction is NSA means No Money, no Sensitivity and no Affection.

Yet I have the same concerns. I try to be more subtle about expressing my situation and feelings. But I risk evoking the same reaction from my readers as the NSA guys provoke in me - why aren't you more giving, more willing to share, more open to what matters, to love?

My long-term NSA friend said to me, 'You're very passionate.'

Oh, dear. Yes. Actually, hate to admit it, to him or myself, but I'm getting too emotionally involved.

You look into somebody's eyes and the emotion sweeps over you. You start to care and to want to see somebody more often.

So long as you haven't reached the stage of thinking about them all the time, the automatic butterflies, the urge to phone, email and talk every five minutes, you're all right. In control.

You can switch on and off. But it would be so much better to be free to switch on every day with the right person.

I am very happy with the way things are now. My relationships pose no problems. I don't have to worry about changing my will, or stepchildren, or his having four childen when I have only one, which takes up more of our time, more of our emotion, more financial commitment.

I don't have to move anywhere or change anything. All I have to do is tidy up. A man who has no long-term interest in you is not concerned about anything, neither decor nor clutter, so long as the place is clean and tidy.

However, as everybody says, 'but if the right person came along ...'

I don't foresee Romeo and Juliet battling against their families. I'm beyond menopause. I don't have to worry about whether I will get pregnant. Or how the should be brought up. Or how many we should have. Or what religion they should be.

My parents have passed away. They were pretty tolerant when they were alive. My mother always said, 'It's your life, dear.' Her other advice was: 'Don't marry for Money, but marry where Money is.'

I foresee meeting a very calm, collected man, financially secure and successful, who is well-organized and totally confident that he wants me and I want him. We will have no worries and everything will just seem to fall into place.

I hear you say, 'Dream on!'

Thanks. I shall dream on.

'Elizabeth'[

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