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TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD
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TO LIGHTEN THE MOOD "A new book about why women have sex claims that women's reasons differ from pleasure to obligation to even 'feeling sorry for the guy.' After hearing this, men everywhere said, 'Whatever...'" -Conan O'Brien ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I went to the doctor's the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female, drop-dead gorgeous! I was embarrassed but she said, "Don't worry, I'm a professional - I've seen it all before. Just tell me what's wrong and I'll help you in any way I can." I said, "Well, I think my cock tastes funny..." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Three women friends, one in a casual relationship, one engaged to be married and one a long-time wife, met for drinks after work. The conversation eventually drifted towards how best to spice up their sex lives. After much discussion, they decided to surprise their men by engaging in some S&M role playing. The following week they met up again to compare notes. Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, "Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made mad passionate love on his desk right then and there!" The engaged woman giggled and said, "That's pretty much my story! When my fiance got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only screwed all night, he wants to move up our wedding date! The married woman put her glass down and said, "I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ My wife and I take turns walking our five-year-old to the bus stop for school every morning. Today was my turn, and as me and all the other moms in the neighborhood waited one of them asked me to say hello to my wife. "I will," I said. "it'll make her feel better. She has pneumonia..." "Oh, poor girl," they all said in unison. One of them crooked her eyebrow at me and said, "I hope you're helping her with the , the cooking and cleaning." "I can't," I said pointing to the band aid on my index finger. "Hangnail." (Typical male..) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The female dentist pulls out a numbing needle to give the man a shot. "No way! No needles. I hate needles" the patient said. The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects again. "I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on suffocates me!" The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill. "No objection," the patient says. "'I'm fine with pills." The dentist steps out of the office and returns a moment later, "Here's a Viagra." The patient says, "Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a painkiller!" "It doesn't" said the dentist, "but it's going to give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth." |
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Re: "A new book about why women have sex claims that women's reasons differ from pleasure to obligation to even 'feeling sorry for the guy.' After hearing this, men everywhere said, 'Whatever...'" -Conan O'Brien Hey, it works for me.     The perversity of the universe is unbounded.
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A man was at his marriage counselor...."She says I never listen to what she has to say....or something like that.."
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