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| Blogs > itzchic824 > The Voices Inside |
The end of the summer FWB
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The end of the summer FWB There were no more concerts with J, though with others yes and I'll write about them eventually. But after that 6/26/16 show he got busy with work, travelled literally all over the country and out of country. Even when he didn't have cell service he would try to shoot me an e-mail. Said how much he missed me, etc. I got to see him once in July for dinner and naked time. But then it was 8/24/16 before I saw him again. That was my 30th bday. We were both looking forward to it. Then a couple hours before work was over and he was supposed to actually be leaving he sends me this foreboding text that something really bad had happened and that day was in his top 10 of worst days but if I wanted him to come still he would cause there was nothing he could do about what happened. But that he may not be the best company. I said if he felt that he still wanted to see me and that I wasn't forcing him that I really did still want to see him. He picked me up from work and yep he definitely wasn't himself. He had to go get gas so we did that and he stopped for a smoke (which I'd never seen him do, he said he only did it when he was extremely stressed) before we headed to my house cause I needed to grab my overnight bag. He got a call right when I got out of the car, when I came back out with my stuff he still was on the call. When he got off I had a bad feeling. He told me had to go straight to Baltimore. His was having surgery. He didn't tell me much but he was terminally ill and they had just found out that day but the surgery wasn't supposed to be for a few days. So he left and that was the last time I saw him. He would text me occasionally if I begged, with an update for the first month. Never good news. Then the texts stopped. I got 1 more mid Oct after a few weeks of silence and since then nothing. I don't want to be a bitch, I get it family comes first. But he has signed on here multiple times and yet he can't take the 30 secs to shoot me a text? At this point with it being 2 months since I've even heard from him at all I have to accept whatever happened, it caused him to stop talking to me, something he swore he wouldn't do (that he would give me a reason if it came to that). I have to just assume he has decided to cut<b> ties </font></b>with me, though I can think of no reason why. What really hurts is back in June he had asked me to be his gf and something stopped me from saying yes cause of how busy he is. I said I really wanted him to think about it and if he still wanted that, we would talk about it. Looks like there was a reason I said that, even though at the time I kicked myself for it. Especially since when we first started talking he made it clear he wasn't looking for a relationship, so I never hoped for that, no matter how well we clicked. Imagine if I'd have been his gf and been going through this silence from him, that would've hurt even worse. So it is what it is. We had also planned on a major concert festival in Philly last Sep and Ozzfest/Knotfest in CA, yeah that didn't happen either. It seems I'm not meant to have happiness, only fleeting moments. Every time I have something awesome, something always happens. It never fails. Then I'm supposed to stay positive, yeah ok. *sigh* I don't mean to sound bitchy, it's just the same old song, played over and over. I'm tired of it. I've been without sex since July and there's no possibilities on the horizon. This could easily stretch into another 5 years. Oh God.... I sent an Angel to watch over you last night, it returned in a hurry. I asked why, it said "Angels can't watch porn." Thanks for fucking traumatizing my fucking Angel! Don't bother trying to figure me out. Not even the little voices in my head understand me. It's pointless! |
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