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Christmas jokes
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Christmas jokes According to the Alaskan Department of Fish and game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid December. Female reindeer retain their antlers 'till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to every historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, every single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen had to be a girl. We should've known! Only women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all<b> around the world </font></b>in one night, and NOT GET LOST. **** What do priests and Christmas trees have in common? Their balls are purely ornamental. *** My boss told me it was Christmas time and I needed to get into the "Spirit" I replied as long as it was above 28.5% I would. **** When four of Santa’s elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the pre-Christmas pressure. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered. Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom. Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, “Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn’t this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?” And thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everybody! I sent an Angel to watch over you last night, it returned in a hurry. I asked why, it said "Angels can't watch porn." Thanks for fucking traumatizing my fucking Angel! Don't bother trying to figure me out. Not even the little voices in my head understand me. It's pointless! |
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