1448 posts 2/25/2017 2:28 pm
Last Read:
2/2/2023 4:28 am
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I have a large one
When I was living in my old address, the ''Polly Pocket'' flat, all 28 square meters of it, the area was a bad spot for internet reception. After me and BT parted ways, the land line had to go along with the good connection. Their connection speed and the rest was great! They are just a bad company,( Bad Telecoms  ) for me. After that, I did not want a new land line any more as it was never used apart from cold calling. All I could get for my internet was the mobile dongle type  . Any videos I wanted to watch, the news, music, and porn, of course, had to be downloaded, otherwise they would play choppy. So I ended up downloading everything, the whole internet, then watch and delete. Things like 80 something episodes of Spooks, to watch for a second time, or 200 plus episodes of Dr Who ( What you mean Dr Who is for ?  ) along with music, games, and the porn collection, occupied my external drive. A 1T capacity drive. I managed to fill up about 90% of it, at times.
On one of my trips to a near by green island, I was going to stay in a little village for a few weeks, I knew internet connection was like wining the lotto, so I put some of my fav movies and music on a few memory sticks and took them with me. On my arrival I asked if there was any internet improvement since the last time. Nope, only an almost invisible network, could take a few hours for a laptop to find the damned thing and connect to it. The other option was a great, land line connection, on someones house! He had the internet for the whole village! So for a few of my mates in the village, viewing or downloading porn was a no no. Me always wanting to help, I lend them my memory sticks. I never seen them back! Instead they took me to the pub and plied me with drink until I forgot all about the sticks, and my name  . They also asked for some more on my next visit. Visiting a friends house in London, I started downloading the internet, again, just porn this time, for my mates in the green island village. And my collection started to grow. Then there were a couple of guys in another place I worked for a long time here in London. They were married with and sharing one computer for all the family in their homes. Both absolutely terrified to even click on a link, in case a virus appeared or their Mrs found out. So I helped them out as well, this time specific genres, ordered lol. And the collection kept growing. I now still have something like 400 gigs of porn, some of which I have not even watched. An old mate used to say, why download a 30 minutes video? You only need 5 minutes!
He is the same one who once, while all gathered round, telling stories at work, ( Yeah, a good life and job, when I get the balance right! ) I was telling them, about one night after my ex had gone to bed, about 2 in the morning while I was watching some porn, I heard her coming downstairs, so quickly changed the channel ( yeah, OK, years ago we had these bricks called tapes that when inserted in an even bigger brick called a VCR used to produce a fuzzy sound and a crap picture, very erotic ha ) and as I did not have my pants down and my cock in my hand, I just pretended to be watching the news. She said, what you watching? I said come, I want to show you, and flicked back to the porn, she looked at the screen, called me a pervert, slammed the door and went to bed. It was just a man and a woman having sex! No chickens, wild boar, calamaris, or dragons. Still, pervert I was! So thinking of that, I said to them, the only time I was 'caught' by the Mrs watching porn was that. His eyes opened up in awe, and he said, after 20 years marriage, you only been 'caught' once? I still laugh when I think of him, a giant with a fear of tiny teeny weeny spiders, awwww Danny!
Do you have any downloaded porn on your computer and how big is your collection?
Have you ever been 'caught' watching porn by an ex?
Do you know Danny? 
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To Be 6 Again...
A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife, looking
at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked
what she would like to have for her Birthday. "I'd like to be six again",
she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her Birthday, he got up early, made her a nice big
bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park.
What a day! He put her on every ride in the park! The Death Slide, the Wall
of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was
reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a
McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a
chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and
her favorite candy, M&M's. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed
exhausted. He leaned over his wife with a big smile and lovingly
asked, "Well Dear, what was it like being six again??" Her eyes slowly
opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size,
you dumb ass!"
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Chinese proverbs
Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.
Man who run in front of car get tired.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.
Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.
Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth.
War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.
Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
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After having sex with Kylie Minogue yesterday I think there are 2 things you all need to know. She really is as sexy as hell, secondly the staff at Madam Tussauds are miserable bastards with no sense of humour!!
Took the other half to a Disco last night. There was a bloke on the dance floor giving it large, break dancing, back flips, moon walking the works. Other half says " That guy proposed to me 20 years ago and I turned him down" I replied " looks like he is still celebrating"
The Queens Royal Corgis are delighted to see Prince Phillip back at The Palace as they will no longer be blamed for peeing on the sofa!
Paddy thought his new girlfriend might be the one but after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a French maids outfit, and a police woman's uniform, he finally decided if she can't hold down a job, she's not for him
I got sacked from my job as a bingo caller the other day apparently, 'A meal for two with a terrible view' isn't the best way to announce number 69
Paddy is doing some roofing work for Murphy He nears the top of the ladder and starts shaking and going dizzy. He calls down to Murphy and says "I tink I will ave to go home, I've come all over giddy and feel sick."
Murphy asks "Ave yer got vertigo?"
Paddy replies "No I only live round the corner."
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4077 posts 2/25/2017 2:29 pm |
I don't usually claim to have a large one, but in this case, please allow me, I think that is quite a large one. 
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16552 posts 2/25/2017 2:56 pm |
I know I have some porn somewhere, but haven't watched it in years.
Nice jokes! 
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4077 posts 2/25/2017 3:10 pm |
Quoting goodatpoetry2:
I know I have some porn somewhere, but haven't watched it in years.
Nice jokes!
Thanx goodatpoetry. Glad you like the jokes. Oh that stash ! Covers less space than the mags ha! Who needs porn when we have the cams in here and elsewhere? And Danny was right! 30 minutes???
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32404 posts 2/26/2017 9:50 am |
I don't watch much porn but I love to read erotica. I think the pictures I make up in my mind are likely more titillating than any I would see on screen
You cannot conceive the many without the one.
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4077 posts 2/26/2017 10:43 am |
Quoting wickedeasy:
I don't watch much porn but I love to read erotica. I think the pictures I make up in my mind are likely more titillating than any I would see on screen
Wicked, as a woman, ( i did not want to say a typical woman, as I don't see you as typical ) and the brain been the sexiest organ and all that, it is only natural to prefer to read, and use fantasy, the brain, to create the picture, feel the feeling and almost smell the smell. Us men do that as well. After the visual thingy though!
I don't watch much porn, I just live in the cams room instead ha ha
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4077 posts 2/27/2017 7:38 am |
author51, thanx, glad you like the jokes. Entertaining read? Aww that sharring, lol. Thanx again! Some women hey? I am passing your number to my ex ha ha! Before my oldest daughter made me a grandad, (I was only 52 then, how could she? grrrr)
we had an incident, where my ex's dad had a virus infected laptop, as he enjoyed watching porn. My eldest had to go and clean it out for him. The convo was heated on the other side, ex with new hubby and my daughters were talking about what a naughty grandad he was. Then my ex said to the girls, probably your dad has some as well. The younger one told me, so I replied... tell her to not involve my cock in her convos, after been divorced for years, and anyway, the married transexual I am having an afair with, does not allow porn in the house! Would love to be a fly on the wall when she took that back to them . As for masturbation, a mate once told me, when men are asked about if they play, there are just 2 kinds, those who do and those who lie! My future girlfriend, hope you reading this... there will be porn night on the take away night, so you know!
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