1448 posts 5/15/2017 9:48 am
Last Read:
2/3/2023 8:05 am
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Trouble at the manor
I live in the first floor of a house. The woman<b> downstairs </font></b>is the ex wife of the landlord, who lives down the road. She lives with her 2 late . He just seen me when I popped to the shops, and asked me to have a chat with his ex, about some work needed doing with the front step. The thing is, me and her, well how can I put it. I think she is a witch, who still hits her late .
In the past, I heard some screaming and some door slamming from downstairs, and because it was really late I got worried about them and called the police. I did not know it was just a late night domestic going on, and she probably thought I was interfering. Ever since she will not talk to me, just blanks me out, like if I am totally invisible. Which I do not mind at all, broom stick and pointy nose connection in my head, and all that. Her are both lovely and polite, and we often say hello. How am I to talk to her?
I would love to work on my front step and get paid for it, but this house, near a train line, shakes and rattles about, every time a train passes, there are about to be problems with anything done on that step, as new tiny cracks appear often. Plus who wants to have the witch over their head as a paying customer? I don't even want to talk to her, never mind work for her. I know I can ask for a stupid high price, to make her not chose me, but I am scared the witch will pick me anyway, because she is a witch, and she knows...
Any advice?
In other local news in my head...
Potentially I am supposed to get e-mail notifications on my screen, when someone views my profile, sends a message, leaves a comment on my blog, etc. Realistically, I get the e-mail notification almost instantly, if I am already logged in on the a*f*f*, ( an e-mail notification for something I know about already from the site's own notification system, at the bottom right of my screen ) or at least 3 hours later, if I am not logged in on the site! Should it not be the other way around?
Has anyone ever joined this place and thought oh look, blogs, yum!
It took me about 6 weeks to discover them. The 6 weeks of continuous clicking any gold does when they join, viewing every one's profiles!
If I was a porn star my name would of been something patriotic, like "Homer the Donner", or "Homer the hammer".
If you were a porn star, what would your name be?
The words "Sloppier", "Hopper", Relish", "Holes", are all anagrams of "philosopher". I wonder if that is significant.
What anagrams can you make from your user name?
What we got here? Ah, a few jokes!
Jeff and Mary
They met at the singles club meeting and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other's company.
After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Jeff asked Mary out for dinner and, much to his delight, she accepted.
They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town.
Despite his age, they ended at his place for an after-dinner drink.
Things continued along a natural course and age being no inhibitor, Mary soon joined Jeff for a most enjoyable roll in the hay.
As they were basking in the glow of the magic moments they'd shared, each was lost for a time in their own thoughts.....
Jeff was thinking: 'If I'd known she was still a virgin, I'd have been gentler.'
Mary was thinking: 'If I'd known he could still do it, I'd have taken my tights off '
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A guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an
hour when this big trouble-making biker steps next to him, grabs his
drink, gulps it down in one swig and then turns to the guy with a
menacing stare as if to say, 'What'cha gonna do about it?'
The poor little guy starts crying.
'Come on man I was just giving you a hard time,' the biker says. 'I
didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying.'
'This is the worst day of my life,' says the little guy between
sobs. 'I can't do anything right. I overslept and was late to an
important meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the parking
lot, I found my car was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I
left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife in bed with
the gardener and my bit me. So, I came to this bar trying to
work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up
and drink the damn poison.
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Difference Between Complete & Finish...
People say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISH. But there is... When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE.... And when you marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED..... And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are ... COMPLETELY FINISHED!
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They reckon that Beer contains female hormones and I think they are right. After 8 pints I talk shit and can't drive!
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Vicar booking into a hotel asks the receptionist "Is the Porn channel in my room disabled?"
"No," she replies "it's just regular porn you sick bastard."
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A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin.
I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a moustache!"
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A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems.
"Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor.
"Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair."
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And something for all you mums...
The Images of Mother
4 YEARS OF AGE - My Mummy can do anything!
8 YEARS OF AGE - My Mum knows a lot! A whole lot!
12 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother doesn't know everything!
14 YEARS OF AGE - My Mother? She wouldn't have a clue.
16 YEARS OF AGE - Mother? She's so five minutes ago.
18 YEARS OF AGE - That old woman? She's way out of date!
25 YEARS OF AGE - Well, she might know a little bit about it!
35 YEARS OF AGE - Before we decide, let's get Mum's opinion.
45 YEARS OF AGE - Wonder what Mum would have thought about it?
65 YEARS OF AGE - Wish I could talk it over with Mum.
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4077 posts 5/15/2017 9:49 am |
Has anyone seen my broomstick? Has the witch from downstairs borrowed it again?
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16552 posts 5/15/2017 10:18 am |
Your landlord must know what A bitch she is. . Just tell him you don't want to deal with her... just like HE doesn't. 
It took me a couple months to discover the blogs ( actually, someone showed me them ).
Porn name... Buster Aswyde. 
Great jokes! . And a sweet saying for Mom's. 
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4077 posts 5/15/2017 12:30 pm |
Quoting goodatpoetry2:
Your landlord must know what A bitch she is. . Just tell him you don't want to deal with her... just like HE doesn't.
It took me a couple months to discover the blogs ( actually, someone showed me them ).
Porn name... Buster Aswyde.
Great jokes! . And a sweet saying for Mom's.
Ha ha goodatpoetry! He does. They do not even talk between them, only via the kids! I don't blame him! I think I will go and tell him I will only deal with him. I bet he will say "it's her step" though is actually shared with the upstairs. Why could I not get a milf customer and I get the witch?
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4077 posts 5/15/2017 12:35 pm |
I think she would go for that funsmartfriendly, and be happy signing. But then she would just moan for ever! Option 2 seems best!
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41171 posts 5/15/2017 12:46 pm |
I'm not sure I can offer any meaningful advice about how to handle a witch other than being extra careful around witching hour! 
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4077 posts 5/15/2017 12:49 pm |
I am not concerned wantingsexymind, just don't want to do it !!! I could not ever work for her and have any interaction. I think she just flew back and parked the broomstick! A porn actress with the words wanting and mind in her name? Are you sure you don't want to reconsider?
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4077 posts 5/15/2017 12:54 pm |
Quoting spunkycumfun:
I'm not sure I can offer any meaningful advice about how to handle a witch other than being extra careful around witching hour!
Does garlic work spunkycumfun? Maybe a stake too? No chips ha ha. And always in bed at that witching hour!
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4077 posts 5/15/2017 1:21 pm |
My use of "concerned" was a ref for saying it is not something in my head, concerning me. But still no wish to do it! As for a porn actress name I would go with Miss, a sort of anagram, with the addition of the extra "s" and dynamite, which is an actual anagram of your handle. So cum on then Miss Dynamite, connect with Homer the donner in front of the camera and let's all see the explosions lol!
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7262 posts 5/15/2017 10:53 pm |
You could try a bucket of water... It worked for Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. But if it doesn't work.... I wouldn't want to be you.
Vive La Difference
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7262 posts 5/15/2017 11:01 pm |
You could check your "notification preferences" under "My Account" and set which ever ones you want to get immediate notification via email to that setting. I don't know if it is really immediate or if they send them in groups periodically.
Vive La Difference
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4077 posts 5/16/2017 12:31 am |
Let me take you on a tour hinj1. The downstairs is a different property to the upstairs. Different doors. It seems it was one house and when the witch got divorced, she kept the downstairs bit, and hubby got the upstairs bit, which he hires out. None of those coin gas meters things here, it's all normal. Council house??? Never in a million years. I am no single mum, for a start, so way down the waiting list, but even if I had the possibility of getting one.....we have some real shit hole estates here, I rather be homeless lol! Glad you like the jokes.
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4077 posts 5/16/2017 12:34 am |
Quoting tickles4us:
You could try a bucket of water... It worked for Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. But if it doesn't work.... I wouldn't want to be you.
What a good idea tickles4us. Throw water at her from upstairs, and then appear really apologetic and claim I did not see her. It would be hard for me to keep a straight face!
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4077 posts 5/16/2017 12:36 am |
Quoting tickles4us:
You could check your "notification preferences" under "My Account" and set which ever ones you want to get immediate notification via email to that setting. I don't know if it is really immediate or if they send them in groups periodically.
I have them set on immediate tickles4us. Only when I am on here already, I get them instantly. But when I am not logged in on the site, they can take hours! The other way around would of been better. Still, maybe one day this place will make sense.
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4077 posts 5/16/2017 12:41 am |
Oh those mums, author51. Our best supporters, ever! Glad you like the jokes. I think the best thing is to pretend I am busy elsewhere and unable to do it. I am like that on my other jobs too, I need to like my customer, a little bit, before I work for them. The luxury of choosing and picking your boss!
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37235 posts 5/16/2017 12:10 pm |
If you want your life to continue on an even keel, talk with the person who owns the property and then decided if you want the job. To stay sane, I probably would not to avoid unnecessary conflict. And keep the jokes coming. I haven't laughed this hard in days
(Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group
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4077 posts 5/16/2017 12:32 pm |
Quoting pocogato12:
If you want your life to continue on an even keel, talk with the person who owns the property and then decided if you want the job. To stay sane, I probably would not to avoid unnecessary conflict. And keep the jokes coming. I haven't laughed this hard in days
Aww, thanx pocogato, glad you like them jokes. I decided I am not going to do it, not even if she is not my customer, bloody witch! And here is something I found on "my archive", just for you....
5 MINUTE CHOCOLATE MUG CAKE
4 tablespoons flour
4 tablespoons sugar
2 tablespoons cocoa
1 egg
3 tablespoons milk
3 tablespoons oil
3 tablespoons chocolate chips (optional)
A small splash of vanilla extract
1 large coffee mug (MicroSafe)
Add dry ingredients to mug, and mix well. Add the egg and mix thoroughly.
Pour in the milk and oil and mix well..
Add the chocolate chips (if using) and vanilla extract, and mix again.
Put your mug in the microwave and cook for 3 minutes at 1000 watts.
The cake will rise over the top of the mug, but don't be alarmed!
Allow to cool a little, and tip out on to a plate if desired.
EAT !
(this can serve 2 if you want to feel slightly more virtuous)
And why is this the most dangerous cake recipe in the world?
Because now we are all only 5 minutes away from chocolate cake at any time of the day or night!
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32404 posts 5/18/2017 11:34 am |
there's a daisy in my handle
i think my porn star name would be yoni ................kinda like cher
You cannot conceive the many without the one.
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4077 posts 5/18/2017 12:03 pm |
Quoting wickedeasy:
there's a daisy in my handle
i think my porn star name would be yoni ................kinda like cher
That is trendy wicked. I will not tell the witch, she would probably like the upgrade. Yoni the hoeni! Like it! Thanx for visiting.
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