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Sex toys, a rare double standard
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Sex toys, a rare double standard So I was re-reading a few tumblr posts from way back when and came across the photo attached.  As you can see there is a rare double standard highlighted by the photo. This is that men who owe sex toys are sleazy perverts while women are seen as enlightened, confident women claiming their sexuality as their own. So what I'm wondering is why ? at what point did the male P.R. team drop the ball on this ? With almost every double standard we find that it swings wildly in favour of men, so why is this one different ? Well I have a few theories about this. First there is the equipment itself men have cock and ball and to get them off is rather simple/ mechanical; up, down repeat until splat. While women are much more complicated and vary between how they get off, also they can have different types of orgasms.  This left the sex toy industry with an issue when dealing with men, they were left with two options: 1. Make very expensive and realistic sex dolls. Chaps who own these are viewed as perverts probably due the cost of these dolls and that they are life size toys; this can bring the stigma, that they can't get a real women because there is something wrong with them. 2. Make cheap masturbators which essentially are just sleeves/glove type toys which are used to add extra stimulation. The issue with these I believe may be that due to the image of cheap and nasty early models people who use them receive the same bad P.R. In the last 15-20 years or so there has been massive advancement in the range of sex toys made for women, arguably it all really started with Ann Summers (at least in the UK) and the Rampant Rabbit. Prior to the Ann Summers the only place you could buy sex toys were from, lets face it seedy little sex toys down dodgy back alleys. This was before internet shopping was a big thing. So when Ann Summers arrived with not only inviting high street stores but you could host a party have your friends round see the products in a safe and comfortable environment and discreetly place your order. Women went wild for it, the growth of the company showed that women for many walks of life wanted to have fun with toys. This along with the Rampant Rabbit and it's mainstream press; appearing on Sex in the City; which at the time was a big show with a massive following. This made the idea of a women owning a sex toy not just ok but fashionable and aspirational. While us guys we have never had that moment where male icons are coming forward and admitting that they own or have even tried sex toys. A reason for this could be that men feel threatened by the idea of sex toys; I know of one of my friends husband who has thrown out his wife's sex toys because " what do you need those for , you've got me" and in owning a toy they somehow feel like less of a man. Another reason which is terrible and disturbing in this day and age could be that owning a sex toy can be see as something which a gay man would do, ; I would like to point out that this isn't what I think, merely an educated guess at why this is the way thing are. And sadly as you can see from the number of out athletes for example; One NFL player and One professional rugby player in either code: and that was at the end of his career. That there is still major issues with sexuality for guys. This go's back to the "I'm a manly man, I don't need sex toys" I should go on to mention that in the last 5 years or so there have been a wide range of toys entering the market for men which have gained more media notice without the negative connotations; for example Fleshlight, Rocks Off and to a lesser extent TENGA. These brands mark a change of attitude emerging about male sex toy use, however it has a long way to go to reach parity with women. I write this as a man who over the last ten years or so has owned a number of sex toys and has had done so unashamedly. However I have faced negative reactions for friends and even once a girlfriend. Back around the time I joined this site in fact; a time of sexual awakening for me, I was dating a girl who was bi and had at the time even been with more women than men. I thought she was open minded and adventurous, however when she found out that I owned a couple of sex toys; these were a couple of vibrating butt plugs and vibrating anal beads, she flipped out. She asked was I gay ? Was she not enough for me ? How could I be so depraved ? I explained to her that I wasn't gay, that I didn't want anyone but her and that she was an amazing lover; which at the time was true, she is still very good. I explained about the prostate and how it was like the male G-spot. She eventually calmed down and even tried giving me head while using the beads; it lasted a bout 30 seconds before she said it put her off too much. But what she did do was go tell all her friends at work about it. I was then invited out to drinks with them unaware that she had told them, but when we were playing "I have never" and one of them brought up anal sex toys I knew she had told them. So I drank and they laughed. I was pissed at her and that they had tried to make me feel bad about it, she even had the balls to say it was my fault that she had told them and that if I was embarrassed that I shouldn't have them. That is the kind of attitude that surrounds male sex toys. Even now from some of my friends if they find out I own toys they give me a funny look or call me gay; yes I have some immature friends, I grew up in the sporting fraternity, it has a long way to go. I would like to point out that some of the views in this blog are not my views as such more I hypothesis on why those view are held by others. I think that more guys should own sex toys and should not feel ashamed to do so. Anyway this has been one hell of a ramble, well done if you made it to the end. I will in the next day or two post one about the other rare double standard Bisexuality. So you have that to look forward to, in the mean time have fun be it with a partner/s or with your toys people. Cheeri  Come say hi |
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