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| Blogs > wanttowatchher5 > GOOD gurl gone BAD... |
ARRRRGH!!!!!!!
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ARRRRGH!!!!!!! And that title should be read in a: I M BORED I M SOFA KING BORED sort or way, not read AAARRRRR as a<b> pirate. </font></b>So basically, after months of turning down hookups due to logistical or scheduling difficulties, I find myself alone now on Saturday nights. PARTY! Right? WRONG! I drive an hour to drop my off for their overnight visitation, then drive an hour back home to an empty house. And sit. By myself. With nothing to do, and no one to talk to. Can you say PATHETIC? Sunday morning- I sleep in, do some shit around the house, but HELL, it sure would be nice to actually look forward to my weekend freedom instead of DREADING IT. I've thought about going to a movie--but how lame is that on a Saturday night, by myself. I could hang out and chat online--I tried that last Saturday--it essentially just further depresses me--since most people I know have lives, and therefore plans on a Saturday night. And lord knows, it's not like I am going to head out to dinner or a bar or some shit by myself--I might as well wear a huge fucking bullseye on my forehead with a large sign on my back that says: "OH, PLEASE HIT ON ME RELENTLESSLY, LOSERS, because I am desperate to NOT go home alone to my empty house, missing my and have to think about how my life ended up in a toilet bowl." Then, of course, I could use this site to hookup--but, sadly, I just think that is a bad idea for me. I tried that once--it was not really my bag, baby. (No judgment for those of you that like random partners.) I guess in a sense, I am a teeny bit old fashioned in that I want to have a connection with someone BEFORE I have sex with them--SHOCKING, I know. I find myself swinging wildly between 2 moods--either obsessively horny and cannot think about anything else--or--not feeling completely unattractive and not sexy at all  But, I can tell you one thing--I am really CRAVING human contact from a real live person. I need to get some friends. Is it so much to ask to find a nice, sane person to go get something to eat with? Or sit next to at a movie? I mean, OK, if everyone was in the mood and sex happened-GREAT, but would it be possible to actually have human contact WITHOUT it being EXPECTED? Wait, I think that's called "dating". It's hard to stay on the path of what I am doing--seperation, etc., without any distraction from being so bored and lonely every night!! Frankly, this computer and my TIVO make for really lousy partners. And do not even get me started on my sex toys--yeah- they do the trick, but I've yet to find one that can kiss or make me feel WANTED. Oh yeah, and the one guy that I actually WANTED to meet (and have wanted to for months), has basically disappeared (she says, looking around confusedly, then sniffing each underarm and shrugging)--which, on one hand makes me a little suspicious of him, but on the other hand, it's starting to get a little hard not to doubt my own attractiveness. Dumb, I know, but I guess in light of recent dents, bruises and scrapes to my self esteem and ok- I'll admit it, essentially a shattered ego, I am finding it difficult not to ask myself -- "why doesn't he want me?" (please, just venting out loud--I'm not fishing for compliments--don't all feel the need to try to boost my ego by commenting how hot I am, and blah blah blah, woof woof.) Could there maybe, possibly a minute, slight chance that he is actually concerned about self preservation, since any fool can see that I am nowhere near ready for more than friends with benefits right now--which would mean? But that would mean he is interested in more than sex? Nah! It boggles the mind! UGH ICK BLAH |
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Disaster,hunny, feel free to take over my post--Lord knows I was even getting tired of listening to me whine! Hmmm, I've never made out with a pregnant chick before...
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 Package--you in underoos screaming questioningly "want to watch her?" elb, have you not spent anytime around pregnant women? do not argue- she is right by default of incubating your your demon seed, do not make eye contact, do not anger IT!
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I'm sorry - you're right. It's this damn book I'm reading, How to Win Friends by Being Condescending. I would return it, but I already spilled Rogaine all over Chapter 8: They're all just jealous of your enlightenment. Now, is it SuperTarget or Super Wal-Mart? I have to know this important detail. Otherwise I'll be wandering around in my Superman Underoos™ in the feminine hygiene aisle of the wrong store, panicking every time a woman walks by, screaming "Want to watch her? Want to watch her?" You don't want me to look foolish, do you?
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Thanks for the kind words, always thoughtful, always insightful, Scuba.
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oh, disaster, elb--you two crazy kids..can't we all just make out? WHAT? ER, I MEAN get along, can't we all just get along? that is what I meant to say. And by "get along", I was NOT implying that we'd be doing that naked. uh-unh, no siree, no way no how would there be any nudity involved or implied in the making out-WOOPS, getting along. Woo-hoo, nakie prego make out session!!! What? huh?
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WOW! Here I was thinking about retracting my embarrassing and pathetic post- and all these great comments pop-up! derba chat would work--as to the meal out-i'm a modern girl--i'd go dutch. i was not even fishing for that really-- i think that could be considered "solicitation" and lord knows, i've got enough trouble without adding legal issues to the mix!  Package, YES, I know all this--besides, I DO have our date at the SuperTarget (remember why I'm banned from the Walmart), to look forward to. As to chowder-head--I can't figure out if he has issues of his own, or is seriously concerned about MY issues --but that would delve into a realm beyond the superficial crapola on FriendFinder-x, and who expects that? AWW, disaster,that is a sweet offer--I AM actually fun to hang out with when I am not whining. As far as the you feeling fat--puhlease woman! But, I see no reason why we can't make out--although, hmm it could be your maternal insticts kicking in telling you "no, naughty behavior". I was a stripper when I got pregnant with my first child, anyway I danced ONCE after finding out I was knocked up. I had committed to do a show for a special event months prior, so I couldn't just quit--and I was a wreck onstage and off!!! I kept putting my hand over my belly to protect the fetus from the view, or the cigarette smoke!?!?! iaf1057i know, i know--that's what i hear, but it IS hard! SHOOSH bigcatdon't mock my pain! Besides- I think I'm going to be Erin the e-surance chick with the pink hair for halloween... AAS, yes, not invisible, I did not mean to discount you! It was a welcome respite from being totally alone my first weekend--SERIOUSLY, it was--even though it was stupid fucking Hooters with all bimbos, and even though I caught shit for it--and then cried. But, I suppose MOST of YOUR dates end up with the woman in tears...AHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Now, that, was funny! JK! By the way, just so you know, the word now circulating among our friends, is that I went on a date with you... unfuckingbelievable! walkinatmidnightSPEAK, oh wise one. Not a thing there I could disagree with--except the sarong. I don't mean to imply that I CANNOT be alone or, whatever, but I am afraid of making the wrong decision motivated by fear and loneliness. Yes, it all just takes TIME--I just don't want to make a bad decision in a weakened state. This thing has got me so damn sideways that I doubt my own decision making abilities--that IS SOOO FRUSTRATING. Not saying I HAVE to have someone else waiting in the wings--but it's a little distraction, and it sure does make it easier to focus on what you were lacking in the other relationship--what you could have vs what you may be missing out on in leaving one behind...blah blah--i'm rambling now...
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Oh boy... Where to start? I HAVE taken you out before (met you out rather), with no expectations of anything. I know I'm short and so is my penis, but common, did that not count?? ~ AAS (Invisible I guess) PS - Falcons play at 1PM... See you there.
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10/6/2007 8:01 pm |
It sucks but from personal experience it does get better. Just keep writing, being a good mom, and putting one foot in front of the other.>>>iaf1057
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Oh my GOD, you are so fucking hot when you are bored and lonely and pathetic. Oh, right. You said no compliments... Just as well. I'm not sure that was one. Look, you're about 3 or 4 weeks into a major change in your life. Of course you're not going to know what to do with yourself at the moment. It will get better. And you ARE smoking hot. Mr. Cut-off-contact guy is a chowder head. You'll be back on your feet soon.
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