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The Ex
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The Ex I have this ex, we met for the first time in 2008 at the door at one of those cheap hotel rooms people rent by the hours. The first time we met, we both have a surprised look on our face. Pleasantly surprised, that we both look clean, decent and unassuming. We were one another's type. We went into the room, introduced ourselves and had a nice chat for an hour or 2, where we talk about our professions, our first impression of one another. He told me he was seeing someone, but the relationship was troubled. I didn't really mind at that point of time. I was just a horny girl, waiting to get laid for the night. The more we talk, the more the mutual attraction grew. Despite meeting him for the first time, I felt like I've known him for ages. I felt comfortable around him. I wanted him to kiss me, hold me, and never let me go. We had sex for the first time that night, it was nothing special, but I felt comfortable in his presence. I was the third party in his relationship but I felt no guilt. When we parted for the night, he asked if he can see me again. I agreed and we did, for several times. Each date was memorable, no man ever treated me like this and I was appreciative of his sweet gestures. We got together after he broke up with his then girlfriend. But soon we had problems of our own. Maybe I was too young, I was after all, 7 years his junior. I behaved like a petulant when I got angry. Maybe it was cute the first few times, after that he got tired of me and my temper. Needless to say, over the course of the 3 years relationship, we broke up 2 times. Each time we got into a bigger fight, his love for me grew lesser. I demanded his attention, his time. Yet I was offered none in return. When we broke up the final time, i felt a huge pang of guilt like I lose something that was good to me. I went through a phase when I was angry with him for breaking up with me, refusing to admit I was partly to blame. I also went through a difficult and depressive state where I was suicidal and self destructive. Of course that was a huge turn off for him. I tried to find other men to take my mind off him. It didn't work so I haven't been trying since then. Can you believe my last sex was close to 2 yrs ago? It has been about 3 years since we broke up. Have I changed for the better? I am not sure. I believe I have had enough time for self reflection, but it's hard to say how well i can control my tempers when emotions are involved. Recently he messaged me again to wish me happy birthday. We started chatting on a regular basis but sometimes he blew hot and cold to me. Some days he happily shared with me every detail of his life, it felt like we never parted. On bad days, he took his time to reply me. I eventually took the initiative to ask him our for coffee. Despite agreeing to meet me, I am not sure if it was what he really wanted. He seems reluctant, almost like he was pulling away from me again. why reach out to me and then pull away? It's a very cruel thing to do. Why blow hot and cold to me, given my temper and character, you ought to know how I will react to this. |
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send him this and then see what type of guy he is i think if he seriously wants you he would move the world to be with you and if u say you was young at the time you got with him he would of known you would be immature sounds to me like you was a object to get over his ex sorry to put it so blunt
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Don't ever be caught wearing the same shoes twice since u know it will only caused pain and offers nothing else. I've walked in a pair of those shoes and it still hurts but now, I have finally let go and thrown them out of sight for good.
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As we mature, we learn that things and people are to be cherished for the moment. Not to possessed for the future but to cherish this very moment. Learn to catch and enjoy the sunrise or sunset for that moment. It can never be the same tomorrow. And remember that just like the Korean Ferry to Jeju, things can change in an instance. Savor every moment as if tomorrow may never come. Then your anger and temper will not overcome you as expectations will take a different meaning. As for shoes, I am always wearing the same shoes. I am cheapskate so I get a pair of good comfortable shoes and cherish them as I don't have to spend too much pain breaking in new shoes. Eerrrr.... I don't know what has that got to do with relationships but since the subject of shoes are brought up, I think I might as well throw in my pair of opinionated shoes. Fun and Pleasure in Sunny Side Singapore. Come visit my blog and let's chat and explore.
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1 post 6/2/2014 5:45 am |
It good to dwell on the past. Once your mind has put a Full Stop in it, It time to wake up and move on. I was like you 2 year back.
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I think just the fact you can write about it with such rational self-analysis means you have matured and learned from the experience. I disagree with those that say to send this to him though - move on.
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look forward...
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If mutual attraction is conflicting with the memory of how this attraction had not been enough several times before, the result may be conflicting signals!
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