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| Blogs > whoisagentj > The Dossier of Agent J |
History
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History I've been here 15 . I've talked to a lot of people here. Got divorced. Gone through several jobs, lost a house, a car, and 100k in the divorce. Filed for bankruptcy. Scratched and clawed to get out of debt, go back into debt and clawing back out again. I've met people here, lost friends here. Gone through a bunch of trials and tribulations. 15 . Folks, it's been a fucking crazy and wild ride. I got started here when I was still married. first I was looking for advice to try and save my marriage. It failed. One of my few regrets in life...I should have told her like a man and ended it. Instead, I cheated. Not physically of course. But mentally and emotionally, I cheated. It wasn't until after I got the papers did I have sex with someone else. But I should have just told her and left. She made mistakes on her part, and I made mistakes on my part. We both fucked . But instead of wallowing in pain and sadness...and with the advice of family and friends, I moved on. Some mistakes can never be repaired. But you can learn from them and grow . And grow I did. The one thing I focused on was my . I wanted to make sure even though I was divorced now, my would know I still loved them no matter what and I would be there for them as much as possible. Of course, because my ex was at time being an ahole, she used the as a weapon to try to inflict as much emotional pain as possible on me. She took the away from me and gained full custody of the . She restricted my visitations, she did everything possible to use the against me. It's one of the things I still have trouble forgiving her for, but I choose to forgive her, because it's what God would want me to do, and if I continued to focus negative energy against her, it wouldn't make a difference to her anyways, because I would be channeling<b> wasted </font></b>energy, because she wouldn't care nor would it matter. Regardless, my focus was to make sure my would want for nothing and they would be loved most importantly. She would verbally abuse , and I would ignore it for the longest time. One day I had enough of the verbal insults and abuse. I took her and the home, dropped them off and told her until she stopped insulting me and verbally abusing me, I would stop coming to see the . It was a terrible bluff, and I felt bad for using the as a weapon as well. But it worked because after 3 weeks, the were crying because they hadn't seen me in weeks. Afterwards, things began to change, and her attitude and demeanor slowly changed as well. Now, things have gotten much better. We work together to help provide parenting for them. Are things still good? Not 100 percent of where I would like it to be, but time heals all wounds and what's important now are the . Now...I have met a couple women in my life. But nothing has really panned out for the better. The women I've met has mostly been absorbed in their lives and I was just there for the ride. I felt like I wasn't going anywhere, like a car stuck in the mud with it's wheels spinning away. So I decided to make myself the project. Slowly fix things within my own life. Fix my debt issues. Focus on minimalizing my life for what I needed. Get some therapy and talk to a psychiatrist to deal with issues in my life and my family to get some better clarity on my life. Focus on finding a job is supportive rather than destructive in my life. Continue to focus on my alcohol addiction ( proud of this one because I've been sober for over 30 now! YAY!!!) And while it was not easy for any of these, I slowly got better. which does not kill you makes you stronger. motto for is my life. Where I now? Well things are still not perfect. I still live with my folks and the moment, focusing on helping my mom with her colon cancer. But my debt is almost gone. I have a brand new Hyundia Tuscon. I have an AMAZING job and management supports and the work I do. My are doing great. My ex doesn't nag at anymore. I've gone from 275 pounds to 250 pounds and slowly losing weight with diet and light exercise. Mentally good. getting to where I to be. Where would I like to be? I'd love to have my own place. I want to be debt free AND in the black instead of in the red. I want to improve my life even further. Focus on what's needed. Most importantly, I want a woman would love and support . Lots and lots of sex. And maybe a brand new gaming PC so I can some games again. The point of this long rambling post? I have gone through some incredible, terrible shit. Some of it put on me, and some of which I caused myself. But throughout these 15 , I've learned from my mistakes and worked to fix what I could as best as I could. And you will still fight through life, with more ups and downs. But I will never give up. EVER. which does not kill you makes you stronger. So keep fighting. Never stop fighting. Never stop working toward a better tomorrow. And I can guarantee you, one day things will be better. But you have to work toward it and want better things for yourself so you can see the light the end of the long dark tunnel and see the clouds break to see and feel warm sunlight on your face once more. Thanks for reading. Who can you call on to save the day? Why none other than... Agent  |
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Thanks for sharing your honest and sometimes painful life experience, Agent. I have been through the divorce-use children as a weapon experience, as well. I am glad I took the high road and that it is behind me, as you did. Life can be very hard but you are a survivor. Congratulations! I am sure you will see brighter days ahead.
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3/29/2019 2:05 pm |
I meant you should be proud of your accomplishments ...lol sorry
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3/29/2019 2:01 pm |
No you never ever stop fighting no matter how much shit is thrown at the fan and comes back in your face ....always claw and dig your way to the surface no matter what either..i did it and now am in a comfortable place..i own what I got and pay my bills , have a roof over my head and food on my table..am I rich? yep you betcha! Why ? because of all the things I learned about myself and others ..friends that were friends are no more , they forget so easy...Myself I learned how to survive...I wish things would have worked out different about my accident but that is another learning curve..When people are born they have a predestined path to travel, the bumps in the road are learning experiences, some have it way worse than others , but those who have it worse in the end own more ,,not in the material sense but in the way they learn to smooth out the bumps ...you did it and should be very proud of your experiences ....hats off to you! Bravo!
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congrats and continued good luck....its never easy...particularly as we age. ive been on site almost as long as you...its a fun and entertaining ride~~
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Plus it's FRIDAY!!!! WHOOOOOOO WHOOOOOT!!! Who can you call on to save the day? Why none other than... Agent
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