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When Life Hands You Lemons
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When Life Hands You Lemons "When life gets tough, the tough get going.” This timeless proverb may be true for some but, for others, hardship can be too much to overcome. When the going gets tough, their life simply falls apart. What is it exactly that separates those who thrive regardless of adversity and those who don’t? Is it genetics, luck, or pure willpower? Consider that Nelson Mandela spent 27 years in prison before he became the first democratically elected president in South Africa. Abraham Lincoln failed in business, had a nervous breakdown, and was defeated eight times in elections before becoming president. A boy born to a teenage alcoholic and an absentee father found himself in trouble throughout his childhood, eventually grew up to be Charles Manson. These examples are extreme, but they demonstrate the different routes people may choose when facing major obstacles. Some people turn to alcohol and drugs, stealing, or physical violence. Nearly 16,000 people drank themselves to death in 2010. Every year, more than 3 million will witness domestic violence in their home. (Via Psych Central) Conversely, many people have gone through hell and back and are moral, happy, and successful. As a therapist that works with with PTSD, it’s my job to find the turning point between the right path and the wrong one. In my own life I dealt with hardship and failure. My family was poor. I had to cope with family members struggling with addiction, mental illness, and domestic violence; two of my family members died of drug overdoses. My great grandmother was a nurse and I thought I would follow in her footsteps. After attempting to go to school for nursing, I realized that I was not cut out for it. I felt like I had failed. My first marriage was plagued with domestic violence due to an alcoholic husband. I was challenged significantly as a single parent when I enrolled in my Master's program at the age of 37 and my classmates were all 10-12 years younger. Despite all these trials, life marched on and turned out positive. I earned my MSW, my self-employed private practice is thriving and in spite of the adversity I experienced during my former marriage causing me to swear off marriage, I am open to the idea of finding love again. Why was I able to overcome the negative parts of my life when others from similar backgrounds have ended up addicted to substances or in jail? The simple answer is that I had enough protective factors in my life to outweigh my risk factors. For instance: The neighborhood I grew up in was safe. I was always supported by people who loved me. I had pro-social role models. I did well in school and had opportunities to succeed. There were many positive events in my life. I kept going, one foot after the other, no matter what. It’s true that some of our ability to manage hardships and failure has to do with biological traits and genetics. Some of it may have to do with luck. But mostly it has to do with the environment and people around us. Our parents, siblings, peers, educators, and community all play a vital role in shaping who we become. Life is tough and we all have our own challenges to face. How do you overcome challenges in your life? Please share your feedback below.  |
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When I hit my hardest challenges, I take a step back, take a deep breath, and clear my mind for a moment and can usually find a way to overcome it. It doesn't always work, but it don't let it overtake me. My life for the most part has been much like a steady train ride. Much of it flat but I have come to those climbs up the mountains and the occasional runaway. When I hit bottom it gives me the chance to look at how I got there, doesn't mean I won't do it again, but I will at least pick a new rout to the bottom. I never had a problem with drugs and alcohol, I did a lot of both, but they didn't affect me like so many others I knew. I would guess I never had to deal with anything I couldn't handle.
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I applaud you for your persistence. I applaud you for being a survivor. I admire your tenacity and I hope that there are people who see your example and derive hope and inspiration from it. Kk The observant make the best lovers, I may not do right, but I do write, I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life, Kitkat Come check out my blog KItkat1415 check out this post by me Adventures In Body Grooming #39 April Topic Link: What Lies Beneath If April Showers Oh Bloody Hell What Kind Of Weather Turns Me On Bloggers Symposium 40
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I am proud of you for powering through your challenges, Myelin! I do face numerous trials and tribulations in my life. My best role models always came from school. Now that I am a professor it is my turn to act like a role model. My featured post this week: Pulling Fantasy Sex Out of My Ass.
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When things go bad......you always have choices to make. Sometimes they aren't easy. I just keep analyzing to find a solution. Quitting is the easy way out...but rarely produces positive results.. Click Here To Read A Hot Erotic Story: When A Woman Meets A Stranger Part 1 of 4
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Like you, in spite of setbacks and even though things didn't always go my way, I had a nurturing family that raised me. So many people who believe that we make our own luck are ignoring the simple fact that bad things happen to good people. Too many people never have a chance in life. The deck is stacked against them. A few of those will thrive in spite of it, but most are the detritus of life and will blow away on the wind. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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My life took a change for the worse after I was diagnosed in with Ankylosing Spondylitis. One minute I was running around playing football and the next I felt like I'd been run over by a tank! I've struggled with two hip replacements and a spinal operation but I've not let it get me down while living with chronic pain for nearly 30 years. I've never said; "What if.." and I have always said that there are thousands much worse off than me in this world. I just get on with my life the best I can. 
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How do you overcome challenges in your life? The neighborhood I grew up in was safe and there were things to do in the city I was in. People I know who grew up in my current town weren’t as lucky (nothing much for young kids to do here). One died in 2015 from alcohol at 41. Parents were fairly strict, which I didn’t like back then, but it kept me out of any serious trouble. I did average in school but was smart in spite of that. I don’t think I was/am biologically predisposed to substance abuse. But my mother, non-biological, was an alcoholic. I kept going with working, having fun, relationships (male friends and females). When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.
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Hitler, Stalin, Churchill and Roosevelt were contemporaries. Gandhi, Churchill and Roosevelt were rich frat boys.( Gandhi's dad was a chief minister equivalent to a U.S Governor) Churchill's dad was the secretary of the treasury of British empire. The other two grew up very poor. Their mothers treated all of them like a prince. Hitler, Churchill and Stalin dads' were absentee fathers and were very cruel men. Gandhi's dad was a softy. It is like a mathematical equation. If the mothers treat their boys like a prince they become very ambitious. At the same time if the father is cruel to these prince, the boys grow up to be psychopaths. Boys need a mentor and the mentors approval to feel like a man. It is great if that mentor is dad and that approval comes from Dad. When dads show disappointment in their sons, we get George Bush and Donald trump. Bush din't live up to senior's expectation and was an alcoholic until his wife rescued him. Trump's older brother was exactly like bush and died young an alcoholic/drug addict( why Donald would not even go near alcohol, smoke or drugs) Bush tried to do what his dad couldn't/wouldn't do (take out Saddam). Trump Sr.(German) didn't dare to go into waspy Manhattan, Donald did. Donald is half Scottish. It is fascinating how boys who craved the approval of their dads try to conquer to impress their dads even when they are dead and gone for a long time. "Rules for happiness: something to do, someone to love, something to hope for.”― Immanuel Kant .
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I had one of those blessed childhoods. I felt safe, loved and free. My first trauma didn't happen until I was15. i kept it from my family. i pushed it down very deep. there are a lot of terrible things that can happen to women. most of them, I've experienced. but i come from a strong place of love and a mother and father that gave me firm gorund to stand on. most people i know bemoan their childhoods, i savor mine it was idyllic and filled with people tht loved openly and with great force of character. You cannot conceive the many without the one.
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Environment is of course very important but even that is affected by a persons inborn personality traits. Someone more open and outgoing is more likely to find themselves in the company of more opportunities to take drugs whether it is for escape or experimentation. Educating all kids to the dangers of drugs doesn't stop all of them from experimenting with them. Experiences in a persons early life can effect their choices throughout their life. Some people are followers and easily influenced and others are leaders or at least travel life to their own beat and don't let others control them or influence them so easily. Is the glass half full or half empty? A persons outlook on their life or their attitude towards life's setbacks makes a big difference on the choices they make. Do they let a problem/obstacle get them down and give up or get them riled and worked up? It's a mixed up mess of influences that all have there effect and I believe those individual effects vary in each and every case determined by the individuals experience of life but is very influenced by their inherited personality traits. I've always been a determined type individual. I don't let obstacles stop me if I want something bad enough but I do evaluate the situation and decide whether it is worth the effort and hassle before I commit, at least most of the time. I don't wast time fighting a system or issue that isn't worth fighting over. I'm the oldest of four kids and a bastard son that has never met my real father and doesn't really care if I ever do. My two Brothers and Sister are half siblings through my Mother. I look very different from them all but people would say when me and my first Brother were together as kids that we looked alike and I would think... why is this fool lying like that, does he/she think it is the thing to say? All my siblings have used drugs from just pot to much more serious drugs and some have had some serious problems with them and they all drink alcohol though none of them has a serious problem with it but my brothers did when they were younger. I hung around with some of the same kids and turned down all the offers to take a toke etc. My step Father has had a life long problem with drinking to much and to often which has only recently gotten under control (likely because of the medications he has to take) was it choice, addiction or habit? It is likely the times I remember from my childhood regarding my step Fathers alcohol abuse and the fights between him and my Mother that kept me from even having an interest in trying alcohol. I can say that I have no inclination toward addiction problems though as I have had reason to use the pain killers that the country is blaming for the addiction problems and have never wanted to use them anymore than needed. Though I might be addicted to chocolate... or at least I do find it very enjoyable.  My Mother and Step Father got divorced sometime along when I was in grade school. My Father was off in Vietnam or stationed in another state while I was in the first grade through their divorce. So I didn't have him around much as a kid. We did move out to Colorado when I started the fifth grade and lived with him for a year or so before he was transferred to OK. We were poor and my Mother always worked for a living and sometimes had to get assistance from the state but she was always positive. My Grand Mother on my Fathers side was married several times and the last husband whom I grew up around was a paranoid schizophrenic with frequent lapses of medicine use and resultant episodes on display. He was generally very threatening towards my Grandmother and my Mother or anyone else that got in his way and usually the police were called. He would sit at the kitchen table and sing "sailor songs" (he had been in the navy) or stick his tongue out and chew on it or pound his fist on the table. Later in life it turns out he was molesting my cousin when she was little. I don't remember him ever bothering me but I found him odd and stayed clear for the most part. I new two of the three Grandfathers on my Mothers side. One was my Mothers Father and he used to come around and take me and my brother to the drive in sometimes before we moved to Colorado. That's about all I remember of him, he died soon after we moved to Colorado. I still have a pocket knife, a tape measure and an old camera of his that my Mother gave to me when he died. The third Grandfather on my Mothers side was a serious alcoholic. He's the one I knew more from childhood. He was never mean or anything that I remember but he was always either drunk or on the way to getting drunk. Us kids and even the adults used to joke a lot about him, imitating his behavior etc. It was good for a lot of laughs. But he was a WWII vet and no doubt had a hard time there, at least from what I've heard though he never said anything about it to me. I've never had any serious hardships in my life. I have had some serious physical injuries that I got over and healed pretty well considering. I've had problems with kidney stones that come and go periodically and that sucks but I'm kind of used to it at this point. I had a divorce that was not pleasant from an ex-wife who turned out to be someone different from whom I thought she was, that didn't do her part with the kids very well. I would say that led to the kids getting into trouble that they likely wouldn't have had they had a Mother that was doing her part when the kids were with her instead of being gone and leaving them alone to their own devices. That resulted in having to deal with me being accused of not being a fit parent and being in court doing battle with a lying DCF officer. That ended up with me losing my court case initially because the judge got pissed off when I brought out the truth about the miss handling of the case. Seems he likes to have a nice orderly court with very little stressful truths being aired. It however ended when it got to the appeal stage and I had expressed exactly what had happened to the appeal lawyer throughout the process and how I was just waiting for them to issue their final verdict and then I was going to sue the state. That I had all the witnesses (some of which were her own coworkers) to the incompetence of the DCF worker and how she had miss handled the case plus a whole lot of emails that had passed between me and the DCF worker to prove that she had lied in court and was deliberately miss handling the case for her own reasons. Reasons that may have had to do with me and her and an associate of hers and a dating website. That's not to mention the clear bias she had against men even though it was deliberately covered up by acting and pretending not to have it while deliberately lying in court about reasons I was supposedly unfit. Then suddenly there was a request to appear in court and sort out some things before the final decision was issued. My Daughter has been living with me since and goes and visits her Mother once in a while. It was a pleasure to see the DCF worker in court having to say she agreed with the decision to have my Daughter move back in with me and the state would drop the case about stripping me of my parental rights. Strangely enough it wasn't the usual prosecutor there that day, it was someone a little higher up who was very glad to meet me and was saying I had done the right thing to hang in there and fight it. Some people give up on a situation to easily and turn to drugs or other things to ease their frustration others get pissed off. Vive La Difference
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Great entry! Hard work and perseverance still go a long way, especially in my book! J
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