Reset Password
If you've forgotten your password, you can enter your email address below. An email will then be sent with a link to set up a new password.
Cancel
Reset Link Sent
If the email is registered with our site, you will receive an email with instructions to reset your password. Password reset link sent to:
Check your email and enter the confirmation code:
Don't see the email?
  • Resend Confirmation Link
  • Start Over
Close
If you have any questions, please contact Customer Service

the unremarkable super hero  

hooiserdaddy69 50M
54 posts
11/18/2008 10:52 am

Last Read:
3/3/2009 3:11 pm

the unremarkable super hero


My name - such as it is - appears in golden characters, sprawled across a lilac banner and is polka-dotted in neon pink on my business cards:

Retardo, proprietor of the Unremarkables Not-So-Superheroes Agency: no job too silly.

I began my agency for those such as myself, who had found no home, nor friend in the elitist superhero fraternity and who are shunned by the "Norms" - the everyday folk - whom we endeavour to serve. I know that Professor Xavier is well respected in many circles, but believe me: he's a bastard.

I shall never forget that day, nearly twenty years ago, when I was most cruelly expelled from Xavier's school for the gifted. His smug and withering grin restraining a manic giggle as he told me,

"Retardo, collossal stupidity is not a superhero talent. You're just thick. There is no place for you here and - for God's sake, boy, will you stop picking your nose for one second!

"Retardo, I am expelling you. You have acheived nothing in the five years you have spent here. In fact, your IQ has waned into the low forties, which officially makes you a cretin - although I don't need a test to prove that. You have failed every exam you have taken for the third and final time. Pack your things and leave immediately.

"For God's sake, man, you haven't left the room yet. I'm stood right in front of you - I can see you pulling faces! Get out of here before I completely lose my temper!"

It was something like that, anyway. I remember leaving the old fart's office and sinking to the floor in despair. My parents had accidentally shot themselves whilst cleaning a shotgun together when I was four and bording schools of varying types had been all the life I had known. I began crying. Meanwhile, various show-off superhero cadets began tripping over my outstretched legs in the narrow corridor. It served them right, the show offs. A young Iceman blew the word "loser" into the air with his fancy ice-breath and a<b> spandex </font></b>clad Catgirl giggled and began rubbing herself against Iceman's leg.

I picked up the frozen "loser" sign and jabbed it up her bum as they trotted away together, then sank back down against the wall outside Xavier's office. Inside the office, a familiar conversation was going on. My friend, Bonerman, was getting the same dressing down that I had just received.

"Waving your erect penis around at every oportunity does not constitute a super-power." I heard Xavier smarming.

"In fact it's unwelcome and, frankly, purile and inapropriate... So why are you doing it now?" He yelled. "Put it away, for God's sake, boy. Nobody wants to be confronted by a<b> spandex </font></b>clad adolescent waving his boner around like it's a damned light saber!"

Needless to say, I had a companion in failure as I trudged down the gravelly path of rejection that led to the big wide world. After a couple of hours, Bonerman did some of his tricks with his boner by the roadside and I stopped crying. We then played one of our favourite games - Bonerstone - which is like baseball, except instead of a ball you use a stone and instead of a bat you use a boner - but we were moved on by the cops. They gave us some bull**** story about stones breaking car windows and causing accidents, but we all know it was harrassment.

We managed to eat a few scraps at a burger restaurant, as Bonerman's antics tends to put the Norms of their food and we began scoffing the leftovers. the restaurant staff then gave us a bag of food each on the condition we left quietly and never returned. As we wandered along the railway track, wondering whether we would be suddenly cut down by a train we would not notice coming, we ate our burgers and chips and vowed that we would become respected and triumphant superheroes in our own right. We started small, doing free random acts of kindness and improptue street art performances in exchange for loose change and free meals, but gradually word spread.

If you have a slightly unusual and potentially embarrassing situation and nobody else wants to know, maybe, if you can find us, you can call The Unremarkables: not-so-superheroes for hire.


remember music can breath new life into you


Indian_Outlaw16 50F

3/3/2009 1:47 pm

hmmm....what's the number???


hooiserdaddy69 50M
60 posts
11/18/2008 10:55 am

my latest creation other then things i am working on that i can not discuss at this time but has been taking up alot of my life. wrote this when i got writers block on my others hoping it would open me back up on the other one

remember music can breath new life into you


Become a member to create a blog