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| Blogs > wildnwanton > Welcome to the Sanitarium... |
Trick or Treat...
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Trick or Treat... The minion hoardes have not started beating on the door yet, so I am currently savoring the silence of it all. Once they start arriving, the dogs will not stop barking, at the peak of the cycle, we just set outside, it ain't worth going up and down the steps every five minutes. Luckily it is nice out tonight. My favorite Halloween memory is from 1973-ish. I was about ten years old. My cousin, her cousin, and myself all conned my Grandmother into letting us spend Halloween night with her so we could help her hand out candy to the little ones. My Grandma loved , but her light went off after it got too dark for her to see people as they came up the walk unless someone was there to help. Since she was known to shoot through the door and ask questions later if anyone came to her house unannounced after dark, all parents involved thought our staying there was a grand idea. Up until 9pm, it was oohing and awwing over little in their costumes, but about 9:30 Grandma told us if we wanted to go prank our Uncle Joe who lived at the top of the hill from her house we could. My cousins were a few years older than I was at 13, so I was just a tagalong pest who whined until Grandma made them take me along, so they decided to see how much of an ass-beating they could earn for me. And oh yes, I did very much get my ass beat twice, once after all was said and done then again when I got home the next day. It was worth it. We started at my Uncle's house. There was a sinkhole in the field beside his house, so we stole all of his lawn furniture and carried it down in the sinkhole. That didn't take nearly enough time. Nor was it appropriately Halloweenish for us. We could do much better, sayeth the consensus. And much like Delmar in "Oh Brother Where Art Thou" I replied "I'm with you fellers". Now mind you, Grandma had only given us permission to go hide Uncle Joe's furniture, everything after that was brilliance born of three mischievous pre-teens who had just been given the ability to run completely wild and free for about 3 hours on a Halloween night. ALONE. Our parents were in bed, our Grandmother did not realize we were out, she was dozing off in her recliner before we ever left. After hiding our Uncles stuff, we decided to hide the neighbors porch chairs behind his garage. We very nearly got busted because I couldn't quit giggling as I imagined everyone getting up looking for their stuff the next day. My Uncle had this thing about UFO's, so he would have likely blamed it on alien invasions. He swore he saw a cow that had been brutalized by aliens. (I'm pretty sure it was a bloated, laid-in-the-sun-till-it-exploded, a-typical dead cow. Uncle Joe was a factory man, he knew less than squat about cows.) Anyways..to ten year old me? That was some funny shit. Adults were easy to read at that age, their reactions were known. My cousin had been busted smoking at the bus stop by one of the neighbors and unbeknownst to me, she and her cousin had been plotting revenge. They had a couple of rolls of toilet paper they had smuggled from home in their jacket pockets. And a pack of cigarettes and some matches. And a pissy pre- attitude about getting busted doing something you know damn well you are forbidden to do. So we set off on a mile<b> hike </font></b>to avenge my cousin's sore ass. Smoking cigarettes and feeling like we were so grown up. When we finally got there, we were like Ninjas or Marines. Teaching a to deer and coon hunt teaches them how to appreciate silence and how to understand hearing levels in different animals. Including those of a nosy old lady who had the audacity to care about your health. (She wasn't just trying to tell on my cousin, she lost her husband to lung cancer from the coal mines.) So we tp'd the whole front porch, the two very well-tended and pruned chestnut trees in her yard, parts of her roof. We hid her furniture, we tipped her garbage cans, and we stole a pair of overalls and a shirt off the clothesline when we stole it. Unfortunately, our loud bragging about what each of us had done DID wake one of the neighbors. It was too late to call our family, that phone call did come through the next morning. But it really didn't have to come at all, we had another brilliant spur of the moment idea that earned each of us our first ride in a squad car...with the lights on, to my Grandmother's front door. (That truly was my first walk of shame. The twelve steps from the back of that car to her porch steps were like walking through quicksand. I have seen snails that could have passed me at that moment.) Since we had the line we had just stolen, we thought it would be really funny to cause people to slam on their brakes and blow their horns, so we sat down on the edge of the woods and stuffed the pants and shirt with leaves, then threw the dummy over a low hanging tree limb and run the clothesline down the back of the tree and then I laid in the ditch and waited for cars to come while my cousins were up in the tree, operating the rope. I was on lookout. The first car was spotted and I GI rolled my ass down the side of that ditch into the 2 inch deep puddle that was at the bottom of the ditch and gave the signal to my cousins who were up in the tree. When the car was just about on them, they yanked the clothesline and pulled the stuffed headless dummy up real fast. They flubbed the first car, didn't pull fast enough so the dummy got blown so hard by the breeze off the car it damn near yanked them out of the trees. The second car gave me a serious set of scratches on my face and arms as I missed my target trajectory back into the ditch and rolled through a patch of wild raspberry vines. I wanted to cry so bad, but I didn't. We were rewarded with screaming brakes and squalling tires, it was a very proud moment. I was pretty sure that my participation in this night meant I was almost an adult. Ten years seemed to be such an incredibly long time to have been alive, and I was pretty convinced I had seen and done everything there was to see and do as a ten year old. I was ready for more adult entertainment. And man oh man, didn't this qualify as big time. I couldn't wait to tell my friends about this at school. I was, for the first time in my awkward, shy life, feeling cool. Kinda lost that feeling on the third car. Unbeknownst to us, the kindly neighbor who wouldn't call our folks or our Grandma at such an hour..it was after 11pm. knew the PD was open all night. And the sheriff that patrolled that neighborhood just so happened to live there, be related to my cousin's dad by marriage, and knew who the hell we were just from the description of the neighbor...she called us all by name when she ratted us out. That half a block ride to the house was one very stern and angry lecture, and pointedly telling me just how easily I could have been killed if we had actually caused a car to skid out of control. The look on my Grandmothers face...unholy yet righteous anger made her eyes glow like a cat's when the lights on that patrol car hit them. For the first time in my young life, I knew what primal fear tasted like. And my not particularly pious young self learned how to pray for lives to be spared. The Sheriff brought us to the door, my Grandmother simply said "Couch NOW." to each of us and stepped out on the porch to talk to the Sheriff. We were whispering excuses and lining up our stories each of us doing our best to evade capture. But we each knew that we were in a lot of trouble. After she told us to shut up, she already knew the truth of the matter and that she was so ashamed of us she didn't even want to talk to us right now, Grandma lined us up in front of the couch, and we got 3 good hard swats across the ass with a belt, then sent to bed. And Grandma was absolutely no punk. She could swing an axe like a man then, and she didn't spare the horses on those swings she gave us. My ass was still stinging the next morning. And when my Dad got through with the ass whooping from him, I decided maybe being 'grown up' wasn't quite as much fun as I had previously thought. But that night, as I laid on a pallet of pillows and blankets in my Grandmother's spare bedroom with my cousin's, sniffling and laughing in whispers, I felt so grown, so included, so loved by my aged and wise cousins. It was truly a magical night, a kind of coming of age for me. Now, on Halloween night, when the "later" come, the older ones who are out without their parents, I see a slight reflection of that I used to be staring intently back at me with a gleam in their eye. It never fails to make me smile. Happy Halloween everyone.  "Shall I tell you the secret of the true scholar? It is this: every man I meet is my master in some point, and in that I learn of him." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson   |
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McWont!!  Nice tae see ye hen broon!
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sounds like good, clean fun to me...   When the tides of life are against you And the current upsets your boat Don't think of things that might have been Just lay on your back and float Ed Norton / The Honeymooners 1954
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A bit of mischief AND a group spanking – sure sounds like a treat to me!  Sexting on Halloween Spooky Me, on HNW Please Pray for Me [post 3312759] My Private Blog – Tell me All your Secrets
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 HAPPY HALLOWEEN! 
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Treat!
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TREAT NO DOUBT
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