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Virtual Symposium on Warning Signs: Unlike Sales, In Swinging Not All Deals Are Worth Closing
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Virtual Symposium on Warning Signs: Unlike Sales, In Swinging Not All Deals Are Worth Closing This blog entry is part of the fifth virtual symposium, an informal collection of bloggers who – purely for the hell of it – voted on a single topic (Warning Signs) and agreed, on or about Feb. 22, to post their interpretations of that topic. A continually updated list of participants can be found here: Participants List For The Fifth Virtual Symposium Warning Signs Swingers – newbie swingers, especially – may fall into a trap of being so eager to enlist a potential partner or two that they ignore obvious red flags in those partners. Those experienced in the lifestyle, however, know that there is more to choosing playmates than obtaining the gynecological equivalent of signing on the dotted line. Some warning signs mirror those of meeting people in the vanilla world. Watch out for excessive drinkers, for example. Other warning signs are specific to the swinging lifestyle. Take the alcohol warning: If one member is drinking to excess, he/she may not be comfortable with the idea of playing. Being involved in a situation in which one partner is taking one for the team really isn’t fun for anyone. Folks share their cautionary tales on the swingersboard website under a thread headed “What warning signs have told you that a couple is not ready to swing?” For instance, JustAskJulie mentions “Couple comes to dinner and only one of them talks, the other doesn't look like they really want to be there.” Mmm-hm. While it’s possible the one who doesn’t want to be there might have a toothache, or might generally be laconic, it’s also possible that person has been pressured into meeting. Proceed with caution. That said, sometimes the opposite is true – and similarly, presents a yellow signal. As JustAskJulie adds, “We met a brand new couple, our dinner was their first time even exploring the idea of swinging, and within an hour and a half they were asking if we wanted to a get a room. We turned them down and they ended up playing with another couple. They now appear to be happily swinging full blast, but we just weren't willing to take that jump with them, without feeling a bit more comfortable about their readiness.” Another poster, Slevin, write about an indication that a couple might not be as ready to play as they say. One sign is “They drink a lot, and more when you start getting closer to going somewhere private.” Yep. And drinking makes people stupid – as in, risky behavior stupid. Or exaggerated reactions stupid. Other potential hazards? As VanHlebar writes, don’t be put into the rule of a marriage counselor (or two). “How about during dinner the husbands tell you that they where [sic] going to get out of the lifestyle but they received your email and thought, hey lets [sic] give it one more try? Or Up until just a few weeks ago, we actually where separated but when we got your email, we thought we needed to meet you and see how things might go.” Amen to that. Swinging is the last thing a couple on the rocks, or having doubts, should be doing… and comments like this indicate that a couple isn’t really interested in how their behavior affects other potential partners. It’s an indication of a high level of self-absorbedness… and that doesn’t make for good swing partners. Especially if, after the first play session, you start getting the endless texts and emails seeking advice about their relationship… Watch how they behave toward each other and the world at large As Mr. Essex writes, be on the lookout for: 1. Overt sexual interraction (outside of the sexual arena) Leering and goggling is great, when you're at a nude beach or club or party. A few lewd comments or innuendo-laden asides are also fine, when you're in the proper venues. Hearing a couple talk about DP'ing at a diner or<b> library </font></b>is out of the question. Discretion, as always, is paramount. 2. Lack of physical intimacy between the couple If she doesn't want to touch him, there's something wrong. If he doesn't want to touch her, there's something seriously wrong. And when I see that the couple in question is barely acknowledging each other, it makes me wonder if I want to go anywhere with them that doesn't have video surveillance. 3. One half of the couple monopolizes the conversation When this happens, you know that there's going to be trouble. There's nothing wrong with being shy ("It's always the quiet ones.", right?) but when the quiescent member of the party won't even speak up when he or she is being talked to (even when the question or topic of conversation is something that they've stated is one of their personal interests) it's time to pay the check and get moving. Perhaps the final word comes from the female half of “Edison Carter,” who posted the following anecdote which illustrates braggadocio as a warning sign: “We have not had many surprises. Yet, we did meet a couple for drinks and she was going on about how great she was in bed. Hey, a bit of bragging is fine, but this was going on so much it surely was covering up some type of fear or inadequacy. Meanwhile the husband is looking really uncomfortable in a way that was telling me she was making all of it up. “So, I looked at her and said,"So, when I'm having sex with your husband and you look over and realize I'm making him cum like a freight train and he's into me beyond ways that words can describe, you're cool with that, right?" And I smiled. “She stood up, said, ‘No, I'm not,’ she left the table and he followed.” Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic |
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Thank you! Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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The signs are obvious, but many swingers tend to overlook them only to complain later how they were deceived. Unfortunately, people often hide their true reasons for swinging, availability and willingness of their partner. Often times, they get disappointed and upset when rejected. They forget that swinging is based on trust, and that by lying to one couple they lie to all couples in the area, sending clear message that they can't be trusted. Visit my blog It's a Mad, Mad, Mad World of NaughtyInSO, leave a comment, become a watcher. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LIVE AND LET LIVE Be happy! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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I don't live in a swinger world and HG good information for everyone to read.. Reading the warning signs does help and could help later on in any circumstances. ty for hosting this Virtual Symposium on Warning Signs. hugssssss V Become a blog watcher sweet_vm
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"Being involved in a situation in which one partner is taking one for the team really isn’t fun for anyone." I know little about swinging, but this is so important in in so many ways. It's hard enough for a couple to agree on where to have dinner or what movie to see, let alone who they will fuck. I have never wanted to be the kind of man who bugs his wife to do things she doesn't want to do. She had an interesting and self sufficient life when she met me...that's a big part of why I loved her. It takes two to make a marriage work, but only one to wreck it. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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Sometimes when a potential partner or two don't follow through it's a blessing in disguise... but yes, people do need to have a better realization of how their own actions can be a turnoff. If anything, people who swing should be more, not less, alert to yellow signals... Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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The signs are obvious, but many swingers tend to overlook them only to complain later how they were deceived. Unfortunately, people often hide their true reasons for swinging, availability and willingness of their partner. Often times, they get disappointed and upset when rejected. They forget that swinging is based on trust, and that by lying to one couple they lie to all couples in the area, sending clear message that they can't be trusted. It's kinda like the men on this site who use piggish come-on lines. Really? Women here should be on a higher level of guard and you're throwing muck? Ah, well, at least this makes it easier to weed out the troublesome ones... Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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I don't live in a swinger world and HG good information for everyone to read.. Reading the warning signs does help and could help later on in any circumstances. ty for hosting this Virtual Symposium on Warning Signs. hugssssss V but coordinating it is my pleasure! Happy reading! Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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"Being involved in a situation in which one partner is taking one for the team really isn’t fun for anyone." I know little about swinging, but this is so important in in so many ways. It's hard enough for a couple to agree on where to have dinner or what movie to see, let alone who they will fuck. I have never wanted to be the kind of man who bugs his wife to do things she doesn't want to do. She had an interesting and self sufficient life when she met me...that's a big part of why I loved her. It takes two to make a marriage work, but only one to wreck it. Single swingers just need to a ) be alert to warning signs from couples and b ) be aware of their own actions. Hm, perhaps "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf" should be required viewing for all potential swingers... Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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When you were young? You're younger than me! That's quite a story. If you ever want to elaborate, I'll want to read. Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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I met a couple once. They were into the lifestyle.. we'd connected simply on a mental level. Shared scholarly interests etc. My bf and I met them for coffee. They were so shy (and especially her) they talked mostly with one another... and half the time she would whisper to him and have him speak to me. It was odd. Though he did loan me a Tantra book.
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Lots of times the WARNING SIGNS are in the profile.... If you've read it carefully, you can kind of decipher who's energy is the driving force of the meeting. Most times only the females picture is displayed....as if her beauty will blindside you into accepting, well ANYTHING!
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 Food for ThoughtFind pleasure in giving pleasure
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I have been guilty of the drinking too much during my first swinging adventure and I learned from it. I would caution people to learn from my experience. This was a good post. Kk The observant make the best lovers, I may not do right, but I do write, I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life, Kitkat Come check out my blog KItkat1415 check out this post by me Adventures In Body Grooming #39 April Topic Link: What Lies Beneath If April Showers Oh Bloody Hell What Kind Of Weather Turns Me On Bloggers Symposium 40
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I met a couple once. They were into the lifestyle.. we'd connected simply on a mental level. Shared scholarly interests etc. My bf and I met them for coffee. They were so shy (and especially her) they talked mostly with one another... and half the time she would whisper to him and have him speak to me. It was odd. Though he did loan me a Tantra book. When she whispered to him, did he pass along statements she might have been too shy to make... but wanted to make, anyway? An interesting dynamic for coffee! And I love the idea of the blushing swinger... Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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Ohh, we all have? Share! Share! And... thank you! Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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It's not for everybody... the important thing is to consciously choose what does and doesn't work for you, and not let society or religion dictate it to you (unless you're comfortable doing so -- wow, I'm starting to sound like a Unitarian, aren't I...) Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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Lots of times the WARNING SIGNS are in the profile.... If you've read it carefully, you can kind of decipher who's energy is the driving force of the meeting. Most times only the females picture is displayed....as if her beauty will blindside you into accepting, well ANYTHING! On the other hand, there are warning signs when reading single swingers' profiles, too... Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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Food for ThoughtThank you for thinking my post was chewy! Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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I have been guilty of the drinking too much during my first swinging adventure and I learned from it. I would caution people to learn from my experience. This was a good post. Kk Still, you apparently survived your first swinging adventure -- good! And thank you for your compliment... when you want to share details about that first adventure, we'll want to read! Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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I'm delighted to have provided food for thought! The biggest takeaway might be that swinging is what you make of it. I haven't posted anything about non-swap swinging (having sex with your partner with another couple in the room, but not participating), or a number of other concerns... You're right, though: There's more to swinging than key parties (and I'm not really sure that key parties were ever that popular). And if it ain't fun, it shouldn't be done... More than that, though, I am delighted to pull us together into a group of bloggers. It's incredibly gratifying to see relationships furthered as a result of this event -- and to give a little community to what is essentially a solitary activity. Well put on that, by the way... So... thank you, and I'm really glad you're part of it, because without participants and contributors, I'm just a solitary blogger! Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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Heh. Is that a subtle suggestion that I include "Food" again as a potential topic for the next forum? Thank you for thinking my post was chewy!  No actually... I have had the opportunity to swing with a former FWB... but every time I started down the road, a bad taste would creep into my mouth. The concept is intriguing to me, if I could find the right circumstance and people to do it with. You post gives me a better footing. For that I thank you.  Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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No actually... I have had the opportunity to swing with a former FWB... but every time I started down the road, a bad taste would creep into my mouth. The concept is intriguing to me, if I could find the right circumstance and people to do it with. You post gives me a better footing. For that I thank you. You've got a pretty sympathetic group here -- folks are on all side of the issue, but the one unifying characteristic is a kind ear. How would you feel about presenting some of your concerns -- anonymized, of course -- in the blogosphere? Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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