Virtual Symposium On Body Imagery: Swingers Find Self-Confidence Sexy, Says Social Scientist - a Blog Post by humorlife

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6/28/2015 3:39 am

Virtual Symposium On Body Imagery: Swingers Find Self-Confidence Sexy, Says Social Scientist

This blog entry is part of the ninth virtual symposium, an informal collection of bloggers who – purely for the hell of it – voted for a single topic (Body Images/Imagery) and agreed, on or about June 28, to post their interpretations of that topic. A continually updated list of participants can be found here: Participants List For The Ninth Virtual Symposium Body ImageImagery

Confidence is sexy, and the affirmation of this (which is a natural outgrowth of healthy swinging activity) is a damned fine way to build confidence, writes Edward M. Fernandes in Psychology Today.

Fernandes, an assistant professor of psychology at Barton College, bases his conclusion on nearly 20 years of interviews and research focused on the swinging community. As he wrote in his 2013 article, “Women, Swinging, Sex, and Seduction,” “Swinging provides women with a context in which they are free to be their own person, to be sensual, sexual, lustful, provocative, and explore same-sex interactions without fear of societal repercussions, criticisms, or stigmatization. It doesn’t matter if you have a slim, fit body, or if you qualify as big, beautiful woman; the sensual is valued higher over the ‘perfect.’”

Preach it, Professor Fernandes. While I continue to have a major quibble with the couples-focused bias of his research (I discussed this the last time I referenced his work, in Age and Amorousness A Survey of Swingers Part of the Virtual Symposium) I still think he’s doing some of the most socially valid research into the community. And this Psychology Today article affirms anecdotal evidence from other media.

While the article’s focus is on women’s roles in the swinging community, body image issues play a major sub-role in the piece. Writes Fernandes, “The following comments by the women reflect the opinion expressed by most of the women I interviewed: ‘The first time can be a little terrifying for the woman. Most women don’t know what to expect and they often ask themselves: Am I pretty enough? Am I sexy enough for anyone else to want me?’ said one women.

“Others commented on their expectations in the swinging context: ‘What kind of clothes should I wear? I don’t want to embarrass myself by looking too slutty or too matronly.’”

Granted, the opportunity to dress “too slutty” can be part of swinging’s thrill. Blog posts and other accounts are rife with tales of wearing only swinger garb under a long coat, and the thrill of teasing those who might realize why someone would have donned substantial outerwear when going to a party – in August.

Fernandes acknowledges this. As he writes, “Countless women have expressed joy at finally being able to wear the sexy clothes they wouldn’t dare put on anywhere else in public.”

Or, as one of his interview subjects quite candidly put it, “Who cares if nipples are showing or camel toe is visible, it’s all part of the fun.”

But body image is largely independent of one’s clothing. And swingers seem to have an appreciation of what’s under the wrap, as well as under the skin. “…It doesn’t take long for most women to realize that how you look is probably only part of the process, and that, in the end, how they look physically isn’t that important at all: ‘Confidence is the most important feature of being sexy’ said another one,” writes Fernandes.

“Some women posited: ‘Being<b> overweight </font></b>doesn’t make you less sexy or less appealing, it’s how you think of yourself that is important,’” he continues.

So the answer to all one’s body and self-confidence issues is just to embrace swinging, right? Well, not exactly. Fernandes admits that “to suggest that everyone is accepted at the same level in the swinging communities would be disingenuous. Societal perceptions that apply to everyday life still exist and exert an influence on the perception of beauty and body image.”

The counterweight to this is that people in the swinging lifestyle may be more willing to explore sexual interaction – and therefore interaction in general – with people outside of their traditional social groups. It won’t come as a surprise to most folks here, but “younger men are often interested in pursuing older women, just as older men may approach younger women,” Fernandes writes. And those interactions can be gratifying on a number of levels.

If all this seems clinical, consider “Body Image and Swinging,” an essay by the author known only as “Her” on the swingingforfun site. As “Her” writes, “Contrary to what I imagined when I first started in the lifestyle, I have found that the older ladies have more body confidence than the younger ones, they tend to be more comfortable with themselves and know what they bring to the bedroom.”

Now that’s sexy.

Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic

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