Fifteenth Virtual Symposium On “Black and White”: The Fetishization Of Black Men Among Swingers - a Blog Post by humorlife

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4929 posts
12/27/2015 12:54 am

Fifteenth Virtual Symposium On “Black and White”: The Fetishization Of Black Men Among Swingers

This blog entry is part of the fifteenth virtual symposium, an informal collection of bloggers who – purely for the hell of it – voted for a single topic (“Black and White”) and agreed, on or about December 27, to post their interpretations of that topic. A continually updated list of participants can be found here: Participants List For The Fifteenth Virtual Symposium Black And White

Note: With this post I’m going to walk into a minefield. I invite you all to tiptoe with me, but I ask that we all step cautiously – and respectfully – when commenting.

Longtime readers know this blog focuses on topics of concern or amusement to those interested in the swinging community. Within that community are several subgroups: People who play with cuckolding, for instance, or people who indulge in S&M as part of their swinging activities, and people who refuse to believe S&M and swingers should cross pollenate, among others.

One of those subgroups consists of non-African Americans who lionize black men. In relating this month’s symposium topic “black and white” to swinging, I offer observations and considerations, few of which are absolute. This is, in the purest sense, a symposium entry meant to facilitate the exchange of ideas.

For many, swinging sex truly is colorblind: Some play settings provide opportunities for people to meet each other and get to know each other as people, whether at clubs or parties that have conversation areas or meet ‘n’ greet times, or simply whenever swingers agree to meet and determine whether there is sexual chemistry. Bully for that.

Some see beauty in the soft tangle of black and white skin. Does this objectify the two partners? To my mind, for those who feel it adds to sexual pleasure, no more than a corset or chaps. When people get to know each other in a swinging situation, those who appreciate this contrast gain an additional aesthetic pleasure.

Granted, political correctness holds that there should be no such celebration of skin color, as we are all “human.” The problem is that this bumps up against another tenet of political correctness within the variant sexuality community: That all consensual kinks between adults are permitted – including fetishizing potential partners (again, with informed consent).

Occasionally parties, or club events, are scheduled around the intrigue of black men. If all involved – including the partners of those having sex, if any – are comfortable with this arrangement, where is the need for outrage?

There are many possible reasons for this intrigue. African Americans in the swinging community may well be underrepresented, highlighting their “otherness.” A 2000 study from Bellarmine University professors Curtis Bergstrand and Jennifer Blevins Williams, featured a sample of swingers that was 90.4 percent white, 4.9 percent black, and 3 percent Latino (1.5 percent indicated “other”). That 4.9 percent figure is well below the 12.6 percent of the U.S. population African Americans represented in 2000.

That said, the language surrounding black-focused events and inclinations within the swinging community does seem stuck in the 1950s, and the 1950s were not an especially racially enlightened time. A woman who is intrigued by black men may be referred to as a “Queen of Spades.” There are more than a few profiles here and elsewhere with handles reflecting this. Porn films through the 1970s (when the Mitchell Brothers were making their films) and, I suspect, today (although I’m less familiar with modern efforts) weren’t exactly enlightened in their depictions.

There’s also, in some cases, an ugly undertone – a white husband “sharing” his white wife only with black men. Yes, it is (hopefully) a desire of hers to experience the otherness… but if you look at some of the accounts of these types of play, there’s an element of the husband controlling the wife’s sexuality, or perhaps consenting to have her play with people he feels will be less of a threat to their relationship.

This sort of playing into stereotypes plays both ways. Within the past decade, Details magazine ran a story titled “Meet the Mandingos” about groups of black men who are invited to swinger parties to partner with non-black women. Wait – before anyone takes offense, know that the term “Mandingos” was apparently chosen by the man who organized the groups (they’re in several cities, according to Details): a black swinger named Art Hammer.

At first glance, there’s a lot to dislike about the Details article. It depicts one of the (white) hosts of a party as having “casual b!g0try” – he’s certainly not someone I’d like to spend much time with.

There are also quotes in the piece that make me wonder how much of it was made up out of thin air. Hammer is quoted as saying “The fantasy goes both ways…The women get to fuck our guys while their husbands watch, and we get to fuck rich white women, really mutt ‘em out.” And Hammer turns a profit. (No, it’s not or procuring: There is no guarantee of sex, only of access.)

One of Hammer’s Mandingos comes across as either a bit more circumspect, or a bit more disingenuous, depending on your outlook. Sayeth Jared: “I find the yin and yang of the two colors mixing very erotic…I believe the world is looking beyond color now more than ever. And people are getting more attractive. Sexier people are having more babies. Look around!”

There’s a fairly good discussion of African Americans in swinging on the Ess Dee Cee site (type out the single letters) under the heading “BBC only” vs. “No Black men.” The conversation starts with a complaint about lifestyle women who prefer black men exclusively, and talks about how this type of phenomenon cuts both ways: There are some people who have a “no black men” policy. For that matter, I’d be most interested how welcoming any circumcised reader has found sex clubs in Europe, especially those around Germany.

The discussion features some intelligent comments (and, yes, a fair amount of yahooism). Among the more rational are the folks who said (I’m quoting directly without editing):

* We're all going to have our opinions and preferances, thats a major part of the lifestyle. We have our turn on's and turn off's, fantasies and favorite acts of sexual devience. We tread softly trying not to hurt each others feelings but the truth is chances are someone will get hurt somewhere along the line. Life has its difficulties so why wouldn't the lifestyle?

* Many whites and hispanics in this area will only play with white males or hispanics for whatever reason. It puzzles us since race is not an issue. But there is nothing you can do about ignorance or personal preference.

* We all have our preferences and we think we should be able to choose our fantasy partner as we please. Some people like tall, short, muscular, chubby, big butts, big boobs, bald, long hair, and the list goes on. Although I am white I am not offended or slighted by women who only seek BBC. Its thier time to have fun and cut loose so why not it be with who they want and not what a man wants them to be with. Same goes for guys if we like a certain type of woman who is to dictate that we should go after one we are not intersted in.

* I understand what you are saying and I did comment on personal preferences being an important right for all swingers, but here is what I noticed....

Even now there are many couples that keep their distance or don't even take the time to get to know us because of a preconception they may have about me. I/we have met couples by chance at parties or clubs that avoided our profile thinking I was ghetto, or a thug or even worse ignorant and uneducated and then come to find that I am intelligent and articulate. After which they often call us an "awesome couple" that they'd love to get to know. Its not that I imagine this, I have been told this on more than one occasion.

It is that negative preconception that I dislike. That and the majority Of BBC lovers want BBC gangbangs... Its like that's all were good for? Not friendships or conversations or trips and travel, just come in get hard and leave...

A closing thought: Is every black male who is a guest at a swing party, or who goes to a swing club, falling into this mold? Of course not. But there is a definite fetishization of black men, more so than, say, Latinos or Jewish men (although I am campaigning for the latter). The question: In acknowledging variant sexuality, is it healthier to celebrate the difference or ignore it?

Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic

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10296 posts
12/27/2015 1:56 am

Let me be the first to step in

People like what they like as you noted. Some like blonds, big boobs, big ass, etc. To some sex is purely aesthetic, parts and mechanics. Hopefully those men who are all about parts, mechanics and aesthetics, find the women and/or couples who are all about that. No doubt some of the participants are racist, and they each get to practice their chosen form of racism... I think it truly does cut both ways.

I thing there are also some who don't know what they truly want, who follow the latest trends like lemmings, unusually ending in disappointment, in the current black on white fetish craze, outside of seasoned swingers.

Personally, it's not my thing... I want to sex with the whole being and not just a collection of parts, etc. My belief... sex happens in the mind. The more fully engaged with the whole person, the better the sex will be with that individual.

Find pleasure in giving pleasure