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Sixteenth Virtual Symposium: Swinger TV Show Stars Are Without The Benefit Of Lifestyle Friends
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Sixteenth Virtual Symposium: Swinger TV Show Stars Are Without The Benefit Of Lifestyle Friends This blog entry is part of the sixteenth virtual symposium, an informal collection of bloggers who – purely for the hell of it – voted for a single topic (“Friends With Benefits”) and agreed, on or about January 31, to post their interpretations of that topic. A continually updated list of participants will be linked from here soon: A while back I wrote about “Neighbors With Benefits,” a television show that purported to bring the lives of real swingers to the small screen. (AE's Swinging Show Cancelled After Two Episodes Moral Pressure Or Poor Ratings) By all accounts, it was a pretty horrible show, and chances are that, as opposed to external pressure, was the reason the A&E network killed it after airing only two episodes. At the time of the show’s cancellation, there was some question as to whether the participants were, in fact, residents of Hamilton County, Ohio, where the show were set, much less whether they were actual swingers. The group certainly doesn’t seem to have been made up of friends, with or without benefits. Friends pull together in times of need. There’s a wonderful example of that here in the blogosphere: NaughtyInSO often features tales of how one of her social circles regularly pull together for meals, celebrations, and to stand strong as a unit in times of crisis. Whether or not sexual activity is included is left to the veil of discretion. At least one family featured in “Neighbors With Benefits” would benefit from such an arrangement. Per a story that ran in the Cincinnati Enquirer, Tony and Diana McCollister seem to have a lot of regret about appearing on the show. While the article, “How do swingers move on after reality TV exposure?” is unclear about whether they still swing, it does mention that they’ve stopped hosting parties. The story goes out of its way to portray the couple as very much the folks next door. It describes a home decorated by photos of their three , including the trips (all vanilla) the family has taken. Diana even refers to herself as a “Pinterest Mom,” in hopes that her indulgence in a fairly pedestrian online activity will showcase that she is more than just a swinger. Unfortunately, Hamilton County doesn’t seem to want to let the McCollisters, or their costars, forget an otherwise unforgettable show. According to the article, “After it aired, one of their castmates' got teased on the school bus. People said her should be taken away from her. A petition was circulated around the subdivision to kick them out of the neighborhood.” This despite, as Tony claims, “just about every family in the neighborhood has a certain sex toy based on our recommendation.” Perhaps the most telling aspect of the difference between “Neighbors With Benefits” and friends with benefits comes in another comment from Tony. “‘I actually hate most swingers,’ he told The Enquirer. ‘If swinging is the most interesting thing about you, then that's sad.’” Hate most swingers? Ouch. Like any other social interaction, getting to know people takes time… and a willingness to explore depths beyond sex. It’s true that swingers who are friendly with other swingers have the opportunity to talk about subjects they can’t talk about with their vanilla friends. But vanilla topics – work concerns, (and often grandkids), medical conditions – these are as much fodder for conversation among folks who swing as they are for folks who don’t. Diana sounds a bit less antagonistic toward the swinging community. According to the Enquirer, “She initially agreed to do the show, in part, because she wanted to clear up misconceptions about the swinger lifestyle” – namely, that swingers could be people next door. But they can also be friends… and it would have been nice if the Enquirer had presented evidence of the swinging community supporting the McCollisters – if, in fact, the swinging community did. And if not, was it because the McCollisters drew the definition between play partners and friends? When those distinctions are allowed to blur, strangers one fucks occasionally turn into people who, once you've had a lovely experience with them, turn out to be people with whom you can have a love conversation. There are times when people who know each other get together for drinks, or meals, or cooking together, and end up fucking. They've spent a few hours around a table eating, drinking, talking, laughing... and then they play. Hell's bells, there are even occasions where, if the food and conversation is good enough you end up looking at a clock and saying "Hey, that was fun, but it's late – let's save sex for another time." Yes, that really does happen! I hope Tony and Diana are able to salvage that part of their swinging activities. If they were limiting themselves to sex and moving on that’s fine, provided it works for them. But it sounds as though these neighbors – who really do come across as basically decent people – could have used a few friends with benefits. Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic |
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if you care about your sexual partner it becomes FWB... no matter what lifestyle you choose
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Non-swingers reactions to swingers can be very strange. Sometimes the reaction is one of slight envy and other times it's one of disgust. But reactions are invariably borne of ignorance, assuming swingers will have sex with anybody. Isn't that what a few people thought of gay people three decades ago?! Your post makes a great job at highlighting the human-ness of swinging.  
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Had not heard of the show, thanks for sharing about it. Many people are not open minded enough to learn about viewpoints other than their own. They don't seem to understand that you can educate yourself about something, still not agree with it or support it, and continue along within your own preferences without attacking or demeaning others. The 'if you aren't like me then you are wrong' attitude often prevails.
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I agree with 2trythis's comment- if you aren't like me, then you are wrong" that attitude has been aimed at me for all sorts of choices in my life. I didn't marry my kids dad before they were born, we homeschooled while we traveled, the fact that we traveled for 6 mos at a time, that we lived frugally. Later on when I suggested an open relationship or going poly (I probably really wanted to swing at that point) was then his turn to say to me "ooh, that's weird. People shouldn't do that." Ah, well. Good post. Thank you for putting the symposium together again! Kk The observant make the best lovers, I may not do right, but I do write, I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life, Kitkat Come check out my blog KItkat1415 check out this post by me Adventures In Body Grooming #39 April Topic Link: What Lies Beneath If April Showers Oh Bloody Hell What Kind Of Weather Turns Me On Bloggers Symposium 40
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Oh, how I wish people always had the testicular fortitude to stand up in those types of situations. Too often they just jump on the "me too" bandwagon, especially when there is a chance to uplift themself on someone else's back. This whole situation with the co-stars of the show, would makes for some interesting "What would you do" eposides. Find pleasure in giving pleasure
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I always wonder why people subject themselves to reality TV, and even more, expose themselves and their lives to the public in that way. It makes me think of the Loud family, and that thought makes me cringe. I guess there's no way anybody could have seen this coming, huh? I feel for them- it's done and can't be undone. They discovered how thoughtless we can be of each other. Become a member now and get a free tote bag.
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But but but but but -- my darling Countess, we all KNOW you're a bad person based on your sexual desires and preferences! It's just that the rest of us happen to be bad people, too. In many ways, the McCollisters were positioning themselves to be on the spear tip of sexual behavior, especially in what seems to be a comparatively conservative setting. Someone has to take the lead on actions like this... I just wish they had set up a friends network to support them when they got inevitable blowback. Tony's comment about hating most swingers is telling: He doesn't seem to have the friends with benefits who could have served as a support group. I hope he, and his family, gets through this okay. I looked for an update on how they're doing, but this article was the most recent piece written about them. I'd rather not read a story in a few months about how they had to move... Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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if you care about your sexual partner it becomes FWB... no matter what lifestyle you choose Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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Non-swingers reactions to swingers can be very strange. Sometimes the reaction is one of slight envy and other times it's one of disgust. But reactions are invariably borne of ignorance, assuming swingers will have sex with anybody. Isn't that what a few people thought of gay people three decades ago?! Your post makes a great job at highlighting the human-ness of swinging. You make an excellent point about disgust and envy. I've often gotten the impression that one masks the other. Every notice how many, say, staunchly anti-homosexual political figures end up coming out of the closet? Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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Had not heard of the show, thanks for sharing about it. Many people are not open minded enough to learn about viewpoints other than their own. They don't seem to understand that you can educate yourself about something, still not agree with it or support it, and continue along within your own preferences without attacking or demeaning others. The 'if you aren't like me then you are wrong' attitude often prevails. Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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I agree with 2trythis's comment- if you aren't like me, then you are wrong" that attitude has been aimed at me for all sorts of choices in my life. I didn't marry my kids dad before they were born, we homeschooled while we traveled, the fact that we traveled for 6 mos at a time, that we lived frugally. Later on when I suggested an open relationship or going poly (I probably really wanted to swing at that point) was then his turn to say to me "ooh, that's weird. People shouldn't do that." Ah, well. Good post. Thank you for putting the symposium together again! Kk Your desire to swing is disgusting and reprehensible. You should come east so I, and a double handful of my friends, can discuss your wanton ways with you. Putting together the symposium is one of my joys! And one of my kinks, I suppose... Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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Oh, how I wish people always had the testicular fortitude to stand up in those types of situations. Too often they just jump on the "me too" bandwagon, especially when there is a chance to uplift themself on someone else's back. This whole situation with the co-stars of the show, would makes for some interesting "What would you do" eposides. On a similar topic, track down films about about experiments conducted by Stanley Milgram in the... late 1950s? Early 1960s? Milgram was studying the impulse to follow orders that come from an authority figure. Substitute "social mores" for "authority figure" and you'll get a visceral education about the hazards of "I was only following orders/social mores." I saw those films about 27 years ago. They made an incredible impression in me, as far as resisting arbitrary or capricious authority. Based on many of your blog posts, I think you'll find them fascinating, disturbing, and mind-opening. I'd love to get your reaction to them. Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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I always wonder why people subject themselves to reality TV, and even more, expose themselves and their lives to the public in that way. It makes me think of the Loud family, and that thought makes me cringe. I guess there's no way anybody could have seen this coming, huh? I feel for them- it's done and can't be undone. They discovered how thoughtless we can be of each other. That said, you're right. Nobody could have seen this coming, much in the way nobody REALLY knows whether the sun is going to rise in the east tomorrow. Now that the bell has been rung, what can they do to ameliorate the toll of the toiling? Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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I didn't get to see that show, so I really cannot comment about it. All I want to say is that I'm against any type of labeling as they can be so deceiving, like the one of this month symposium. WITHOUT PASSION LIFE IS NOTHING
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*Laughing* Consider it a highly sophisticated form of edging! Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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I didn't get to see that show, so I really cannot comment about it. All I want to say is that I'm against any type of labeling as they can be so deceiving, like the one of this month symposium. You make a very interesting point about labels. Will you be writing about it? Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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i have mixed feelings about the whole swinging thing. Not with disgust but with the idea that people use each other...I made a profile on a swingers site and as a single woman I am messaged by men and couples. However, since I have never ventured out to actually do any swinging, I am quickly discarded as a potential date etc. I cannot offer them a network of folks to hook up with. LOL I guess I need to find a swinging partner first then go from there. I spend too much energy as it is just trying to find a decent FWB to go looking for a swinging couple for FWBs. LOL I feel for the couple in Ohio who are getting backlash from stodgy narrow minded folk. i hope like you they are not forced to move. In a way, they're as much unicorns as single women! Would you consider using forum like this to ask questions/express fears? I've considered offering "swinging" as a potential topic, but a while back was told that it wasn't something enough people could relate to. Might be time to revisit that... Your thoughts? Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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I almost wish I had seen the two episodes. Kind of risky of the Network to Air such a show to begin with. 
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it is why I keep my sexual life private....too many people judge and then people get together...and they want to ostracize you! “Life is available only in the present moment.” Thich Nhat Hanh Come and read my blog! Become a watcher! veryfunnycple64 
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I almost wish I had seen the two episodes. Kind of risky of the Network to Air such a show to begin with. Then again, how much time do you want to devote to watching a boring show about swinging? Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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it is why I keep my sexual life private....too many people judge and then people get together...and they want to ostracize you! Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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Thank you! As for the swinger-positive bumper sticker... how about: "Swingers do it bumper to bumper... to bumper" "You can take a test drive and still love your car" "Honk if my wife fucked your husband... or wife" Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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Bonjour Vie d'humour Il faut vraiment que je fasse un reportage pour toi , sur les clubs de sexe du Cap D'Agde ♥ Bisou ♥ Poton ♥ Annie ♥ Hello Humorlife You really want me to do a story for you, the sex clubs of Cap D'Agde ♥ Kisses ♥ Annie
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Bonjour Vie d'humour Il faut vraiment que je fasse un reportage pour toi , sur les clubs de sexe du Cap D'Agde ♥ Bisou ♥ Poton ♥ Annie ♥ Hello Humorlife You really want me to do a story for you, the sex clubs of Cap D'Agde ♥ Kisses ♥ Annie Bien sûr, je veux que vous écriviez cette histoire ... ou nous pourrions essayer de l'intégrer dans un sujet de colloque jour! La seule question : Comment pourriez-vous adapter à une telle histoire en illustrations? Of course I want you to write that story... or we could try to fit it into a symposium topic someday! The only question: How would you fit such a story into illustrations? Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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There is always going to be someone holier than you. Accept that (as I think you have) and the ability to be judgmental flies out the window. Your desire to swing is disgusting and reprehensible. You should come east so I, and a double handful of my friends, can discuss your wanton ways with you. Putting together the symposium is one of my joys! And one of my kinks, I suppose... Maybe some thigh highs with some spiked heels and a mesh body suit with convenient snaps? Just a thought, o sexy writer, And one of my kinks is taking you and all your friends, on! Kitkat The observant make the best lovers, I may not do right, but I do write, I have bliss, joy, and happiness in my life, Kitkat Come check out my blog KItkat1415 check out this post by me Adventures In Body Grooming #39 April Topic Link: What Lies Beneath If April Showers Oh Bloody Hell What Kind Of Weather Turns Me On Bloggers Symposium 40
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