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Seventeenth Virtual Symposium: One Couple’s Realistic Take On Swinging For The First Time
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Seventeenth Virtual Symposium: One Couple’s Realistic Take On Swinging For The First Time This is a VERY LATE contribution to the seventeenth virtual symposium, an informal collection of bloggers who – purely for the hell of it – voted for a single topic (“The First Time”) and agreed, on or about February 28, to post their interpretations of that topic. Voting for the next topic has already started. Bad, bad coordinator who got his post in very late! The full list of contributors – who by and large offered their posts on time – can be found here: Participants List For The Seventeenth Virtual Symposium The First Time I’ve read a few “my first swing club” stories in my time. Some were clearly written by people with an oversupply of Penthouse Forum columns and Jergens lotion and little hands-on experience. Others are doubtless real stories from people who went but who had no intention of playing. And then there is the story of Fiona and Eric, as told in “Interview with a Woman Who Recently Discovered She Loves Group Sex.” Writer Jia Tolentino’s edited transcript, which is featured on The Hairpin site, provides what sure sounds a couple’s honest and well-written first-time swing club experience. If the interview is any indication, Fiona and Eric have a fairly stable relationship, one which allows them both to discuss fantasies, including Fiona’s declaration of “I actually might be attracted to women,” and her husband’s response, “…f this is something you want to explore, you should be able to do that.” Most likely, a big part of what made Eric so open was the sense that, as Fiona put it, “my whole fantasy life includes him. Or at least, once I opened up to him, it made it much easier for him to be part of every narrative… We were able to be on the same page, and articulate sexual fantasies that surrounded each other.” Readers can fill in the litany of cautions for first-time swinger couples: Communicate, anticipate potential stresses, respect your partner, don’t get impaired, and so forth. Fiona and Eric established responses to those concerns – they’re in the piece – and ventured out to a club in Atlantic City, NJ. They didn’t have an auspicious beginning. “We pulled up [to the club] and we see this couple outside in their fifties [Fiona was, at the time, in her late 20s] and the guy has a full-on ‘70s mustache, and I was like ‘Well, this is exactly what I imagined.’… I figured maybe I would have sex with my husband in this weird public place and that would be hot and maybe there would be a lady and that would be great too.” That initial “ugh” moment was soon followed by a second. “We were immediately greeted by a receptionist, a much older woman who looked very much like she did not want to be there.” They paid -- $75 for a couple, $100 for single men – and entered the club. The place was quiet, at first – Fiona had wanted to get to it early in the evening, so she and Eric could check it out before it filled up. At first, Fiona pointed avoided eye contact with other guests, but eventually she and a woman to whom she’d been attracted started dancing. As the club filled up, Eric suggested that he and Fiona check out the upstairs bedrooms, if only to play together. “I started giving him head in front of a bunch of people, and then I got on top of him – I actually kept my clothes on then, and all night too—and anyway, this woman I’d danced with downstairs came in,” Fiona said. “She was really cute, this light-skinned African-American woman with a bit of an accent, and her husband was this giant black man, like a friendly bear of a human. They came in and she was like, ‘Would you like to suck my husband’s dick?’” Forward? Yes. But not entirely out of swing club protocol. As Fiona noted, “I liked that she approached me, rather than her husband. And I looked at Eric and he was like, yeah, go for it, and she went and got him.” Fiona did have a chance to play with the woman who approached her, which was another first for her. Later in the evening, Fiona was asked by two different men whether she wanted to play with their wives. She found the experience of being approached by men off-putting. The good news? Both men took her rejection graciously. And Fiona learned something about herself in swinging contexts: “All I cared about was how they approached me.” But as the evening went on, both Fiona and Eric began to explore wilder and wilder fantasies. Eventually Eric began offering his wife’s oral services to any interested takers (assumedly, although not explicitly stated, chosen from those whom Fiona might entertain playing with). Before readers recoil, know that apparently this was within the realm of acceptable behavior between Fiona and Eric. During a post-evening conversation, Eric asked “Are you okay with the fact that I offered you to give head, without asking you beforehand?” Fiona’s response? “‘No, that was super hot.’ I wanted him to call the shots—I was into that. It’s part of our fantasy.” So kudos to the two of them for their communication skills. And Fiona did have a pre-planned out, in that instance: The two had previously determined that “We’d talked about how if I didn’t answer a question he asked me it would mean no. But he did really read me correctly….” Eric and Fiona played with each other at the club, but when Eric was given the opportunity to play with someone else, his time away from condom use – the two had been married for four years when they went on their adventure – got in the way. He’ll have a second chance, though: The couple “definitely” is going to a club (or, likely, has already gone: The interview was published in 2014) in their neighborhood. Fiona’s last word on her first time? “Any ground rules that you need to set, set. Just know that you yourself can change those ground rules in the moment, too, if you find that you need to—and make sure you’re clear with your partner about that, and vice versa.” Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic |
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Thank you for your comment! Swinging -- or even multiple partners -- isn't for everyone, and I'll be the first to say that. But a good story is a good story. Glad you enjoyed this one! Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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Better very late than never! *laughing* Fiona and Eric are the great example of how couples should approach swinging, whether they're first timers or not. First and foremost - couples need to trust each other. Then, they need to establish rules and signals. That applies not only to married/attached couples but also to swinging partners. Signals are as important as rules because sometimes there are people that don't obey the most important rule: "NO means NO". That's very unfortunate but it happens. Visit my blog It's a Mad, Mad, Mad World of NaughtyInSO, leave a comment, become a watcher. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ LIVE AND LET LIVE Be happy! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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such an interesting read , to see the points of view thank you Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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Better very late than never! *laughing* Fiona and Eric are the great example of how couples should approach swinging, whether they're first timers or not. First and foremost - couples need to trust each other. Then, they need to establish rules and signals. That applies not only to married/attached couples but also to swinging partners. Signals are as important as rules because sometimes there are people that don't obey the most important rule: "NO means NO". That's very unfortunate but it happens. Fiona and Eric have a beautiful story, and I really do hope people check out the actual post. I haven't done it justice. There's a lot more to it... and some of it is pretty hot. The interview really is one of the better warts-and-all-with-a-happy-ending accounts of swinging I've seen, first time or not. I'll put it in the "My First Swinging" primer, to be sure... Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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Very well written, as usual    WITHOUT PASSION LIFE IS NOTHING
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Bonjour Humorlife Je vois qu'au U.S.A le prix d'entrée en club est toujours aussi cher, en France il a baissé . Dans ma jeunesse le décale horaire avec les états unies était de six heures , maintenant il y a plusieurs semaines ?. Mieux vos tard que jamais . ♥ Poton ♥ Bisou ♥ Annie ♥ Hello Humorlife I see that in the U.S.A. club entry price is still expensive, in France it dropped. In my youth the schedule shifts with the United States was six, now there are several weeks?.  Your better late than never. ♥ Kiss ♥ Annie ♥
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Those ground rules between a couple are so important. My first time in a club was spent chatting in the bar trying to figure out what was going on. It turned out nothing happened in the bar area!  
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Very well written, as usual Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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Bonjour Humorlife Je vois qu'au U.S.A le prix d'entrée en club est toujours aussi cher, en France il a baissé . Dans ma jeunesse le décale horaire avec les états unies était de six heures , maintenant il y a plusieurs semaines ?. Mieux vos tard que jamais . ♥ Poton ♥ Bisou ♥ Annie ♥ Hello Humorlife I see that in the U.S.A. club entry price is still expensive, in France it dropped. In my youth the schedule shifts with the United States was six, now there are several weeks?. Your better late than never. ♥ Kiss ♥ Annie ♥ The prices have dropped in France? Ah, your nation is so much more advanced than ours! As for schedule shifts: Hmph. Hmph. All right, that was a funny comment... and yes, well deserved, on my part. I promise to do better this time! Bonjour, Annie: Les prix ont chuté en France? Ah, votre nation est tellement plus avancée que la nôtre! En ce qui concerne les changements d'horaire: Hmph. Hmph. Tout droit, qui était un commentaire drôle ... et oui, bien méritée, de ma part. Je promets de faire mieux cette fois-ci! Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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Those ground rules between a couple are so important. My first time in a club was spent chatting in the bar trying to figure out what was going on. It turned out nothing happened in the bar area! Yeah, a lot of clubs seem to have an upstairs -- or, at least, a separate -- area. Bar and dancing on the first floor and beds on the other(s)... Trust this made itself apparent in subsequent visits! Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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"his time away from condom use got in the way" Holy crap this is something that should be brought up in the very beginning of swinging conversations! There's not a woman in the lifestyle that hasn't been disappointed multiple times by this and I'm sure it's not much more ego-boosting for the dude involved either. The husband and I had this very honest convo.... I said, the reality is that you'll be expected to keep it up with a condom on AND other people in the room... let's not set ourselves up for disappointment right from the get go. That's one of the main reasons we list as soft swap... you can always go further if things are looking promising, but you can't walk back a limpy in the moment.
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"his time away from condom use got in the way" Holy crap this is something that should be brought up in the very beginning of swinging conversations! There's not a woman in the lifestyle that hasn't been disappointed multiple times by this and I'm sure it's not much more ego-boosting for the dude involved either. The husband and I had this very honest convo.... I said, the reality is that you'll be expected to keep it up with a condom on AND other people in the room... let's not set ourselves up for disappointment right from the get go. That's one of the main reasons we list as soft swap... you can always go further if things are looking promising, but you can't walk back a limpy in the moment. As for other people in the room, or potentially watching through windows... yeah, depending on how the club is configured, one might have the sensation of feeling like a trained seal, honking away for the crowd's amusement. And "same room swap" is a lifestyle term for a reason... but in some cases, there is comfort (and space) enough that couples who swap can go off to their respective corners... A great comment, and definitely wisdom acquired the, uh, hard way. Thank you! Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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I'd love to hear your first time story on this topic... thank you for your kind words! And yeah, it's nice to find encouraging stories... Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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Not even drinking? Yeah, a lot of clubs seem to have an upstairs -- or, at least, a separate -- area. Bar and dancing on the first floor and beds on the other(s)... Trust this made itself apparent in subsequent visits!
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Found it, and scratched it! I'd love to read a "two years later" follow-up piece on 'em... Stop in, read, and offer comments at my "swinging as seen in the media" blog, "Confessions of a Lifestyle Man" humorlife, which is also the home of the monthly virtual symposium. New post: The Virtual Symposium Returns Lets Pick A Topic
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