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| Blogs > reallyready46 > Ramblings of a middle aged man |
So life after Divorce
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So life after Divorce Funny how everyone thinks because you are Divorced you hate women and you are just dying to get hitched again. It is shocking how many guys have asked me how bad I hate women? My reply is that one woman screwed me over, does that mean every woman should pay for her? Interesting the looks I get. Most often this confused expression. Then they ask me so are you getting married again soon? Maybe I am missing something here. Why if you hate women, would you be in a rush to remarry? You just looking for easy sex and a hot meal? Sorry I expected my marriage to be more than just that. I mean if at first you doun't succeed, try try again is great. HOWERVER maybe one needs to step back and reflect on what went wroung. Its amazing how many people just dive right back in. True some find a real keeper the second time around. Some correct past mistakes and have a better second chance. But many are just as unhappy the second time as the first. I just really at this point do not think I will ever remarry. Could that change, maybe. I am not actively looking that way. I have nothing against marriege in general. I have many friends that are happy in their marriages. I also have single friends too. I just know now that marriage is not a Happy ever after for everyone. You can be married and be lonely. You can have a sexless marriage and just be frustrated. You can be so wrapped up in lies that you feel you never will see the light. For years I heard stories from guys and divorces. Many were from guys that had cheated on their wifes. I thought, well they got what they deserved for cheating. I thought that things were equal. Instead I found out that even when I did everything right, followed all the rules, filled out all the paperwork, provided everything, often many times over, and showed up in Court, all I was treated as was a cash machine. I am over charged for my support by the County. I point this out, I am told I am greedy. Years of scrapping by, while my ex buys not one but three horses. This is my personal problem with Marriage. It rewards the woman and punishes the man. In a couple of weeks I will go to a wedding. I will wish them the best and truely mean it. I have nothing against marriage. Its just no longer for me. |
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It rewards the woman and punishes the man. Not always. I divorced when I did because if I'd waited a few more months, then my ex could have gone after spousal support from me. As it was, I got all of the bills and I had to pay off his car. I guess the good thing was that he didn't get any of my 401k. I was awarded $300 a month in child support, but I've only received that for about a year out of the past 9 years. Good thing I haven't needed it.
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It rewards the woman and punishes the man. Not always. I divorced when I did because if I'd waited a few more months, then my ex could have gone after spousal support from me. As it was, I got all of the bills and I had to pay off his car. I guess the good thing was that he didn't get any of my 401k. I was awarded $300 a month in child support, but I've only received that for about a year out of the past 9 years. Good thing I haven't needed it.
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Hmmm not sure if I can get a passport. You raise a great point, LAWYERS. I think all they do is drive up the problems to raise their bill. I do think they can cause this win at all costs attitude that leaves nothing but sorched earth behind. But then they never see the after effects because they are on to the next client.
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Sadly in todays world we see waaaay tooo many people getting married for all the wrooong reasons. When any relationship fails, married or not. One should take the time to process it, and this can take months, even years in some cases. You have to figure out what went wrong, acknowledge your fault of the failed relationship, and make the changes so when you are in your next relationship, you dont make the same errors. Note the one thing I said. acknowledge your faults in the failed relationship. That is the biggest problem I see in alot of people. They presume that they had no fault in the relationship. REALITY CHECK! Yes you did. Even marriage people have faults in the marriage. Lord know June and I have had our faults in ours. No marriage is perfect, and No marriage is always happy all the time. Hell, June and I are sometimes on completely different chapters. LOL Everyone will tell you the key to a successful relationship is communication. Yes, that is true. Everyone will tell you that a relationship is a give and take. Yes that is true also. Everyone will tell you that you have to have at least one thing that you both do together that is just yours. That is true also. There are hundred and thousand of way to keep and/or improve your relationship. But there one thing that will kill it every time. When one person gives up. When one person quits the relationship, that's it - games over. All the rules and boundaries you both had established as a couple are gone. Personally, speaking for myself (Bill), I have said it many times. If I ever lost June, for what ever reason, I would never remarry. I seriously doubt I would ever have another relationship with anyone. I might have some fuck buddies.....but I seriously doubt that. Look above and you will see why I say this. You are correct about people getting married for all the wroung reasons. I wish marriage was not shoved down peoples throats and expected. Some people just probably should grow up first them maybe get married.
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Sadly in todays world we see waaaay tooo many people getting married for all the wrooong reasons. When any relationship fails, married or not. One should take the time to process it, and this can take months, even years in some cases. You have to figure out what went wrong, acknowledge your fault of the failed relationship, and make the changes so when you are in your next relationship, you dont make the same errors. Note the one thing I said. acknowledge your faults in the failed relationship. That is the biggest problem I see in alot of people. They presume that they had no fault in the relationship. REALITY CHECK! Yes you did. Even marriage people have faults in the marriage. Lord know June and I have had our faults in ours. No marriage is perfect, and No marriage is always happy all the time. Hell, June and I are sometimes on completely different chapters. LOL Everyone will tell you the key to a successful relationship is communication. Yes, that is true. Everyone will tell you that a relationship is a give and take. Yes that is true also. Everyone will tell you that you have to have at least one thing that you both do together that is just yours. That is true also. There are hundred and thousand of way to keep and/or improve your relationship. But there one thing that will kill it every time. When one person gives up. When one person quits the relationship, that's it - games over. All the rules and boundaries you both had established as a couple are gone. Personally, speaking for myself (Bill), I have said it many times. If I ever lost June, for what ever reason, I would never remarry. I seriously doubt I would ever have another relationship with anyone. I might have some fuck buddies.....but I seriously doubt that. Look above and you will see why I say this.
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