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Blogs > rockonpeterhuert > If this be my destiny

"New Year, new me"  

rockonpeterhuert 40M
50 posts
12/31/2017 8:01 pm
"New Year, new me"

That's true for everyday. Each person goes to sleep and wakes up with both their cells regenerated but also decomposing. But an entire year of ones life is an incredible thing to dedicate oneself to. I don't know if my life will actually change that much, if I as a person will at least.

I'm scared of losing people, I've lived with the same group of people in my life and have new ones that I've let in, and I'm terrified of losing them, spiritually and physically.

I think this is the first year where I felt that death can absolutely touch me, my father can die, my mother can die.

I can die.

And I'm scared of typing things like this because of the superstition that if you speak death's name, it'll appear.

But I've been facing things, my own health concerns that 4<b> medical </font></b>experts have said to my face "THERES NOTHING WRONG WITH YOU" on repeated occasions. But health anxiety is funny like that, once your survival instinct kicks in and you have something in your head that SOMETHING IS NOT RIGHT it doesn't go away. No matter what tests declare you right as rain.

Signs of warning just won't go away.

But I have to remind myself of things because I have no one else to tell me them that I'm alive NOW.

And the fear of death doesn't stop death.
The fear of death stop's life.

Happy new year, may we all live to see another one.

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