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| Blogs > peekabooicu2ucme > Musings and mayhem of my mind |
Invisibility
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Invisibility Have you ever felt that no one really sees you? That you might as well be invisible as much as you are misunderstood and passed by without a second glance at the inner you? That even those that know you well, just don't really truely understand who you are entirely? I can't be the only one with feelings such as these. In fact I know I am not. But there are moments when I have been cut so deeply by a slight, or a harsh sentiment, that I think that I am really truely alone in this world, even though on a deeper level I know that I am not. The thing is, that even when hurt, I refuse to let it show if I can. I insist on being the strong one, never letting anyone see what I am really feeling or thinking. If I can hold back the tears I do. If I can disguise my voice and pretend to be ok, I will. If I can paste a smile on my face and fake happiness I do. I try to keep things light and sunny, even while the clouds gather around me and thunder booms, lightning strikes. I don't reach out much to many, and if I do, and am stung, I don't do so lightly again. I become afraid. And I hide even more. So goes my vicious cycle. I don't try to hold grudges and I do forgive much, but I do not forget. I hold it inside of me, if only on a shelf in a box. I'm not sure if this means that I'm being dishonest with others, or if I'm just trying to protect myself from further pain. Maybe it's why they don't see me. I don't know. Maybe it's because people are so wrapped up in their own shit that they don't really have the time for mine. Maybe I'm just too sensitive a soul and need to grow thicker skin and become harder and more prickly myself as others apparently are. That could make me harder to wound I suppose. Or maybe it would just bounce off easier without denting me. I wish I knew how to do that without feeling a little bit dead inside. The only ones that hurt me are the ones that I allow inside. The saying goes that "you only hurt the ones you love" I think it's more like only the ones that you love can hurt you. And if I hide, I make myself more invisible. So I geuss I should just shine a little light on it when I am feeling something other than happiness. And just let it show.  |
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7/2/2009 8:55 pm |
One day when I was small boy in my village long years ago Christian Militia attack and kill all peoples but I and other boy hide down in farm well. For three days we hide. We were invisible and Christian Militia not see us, Allah saving us. Some time it is very best to be invisible. I am Rashid. Do you like me? Please for Ladies [post 1995501]
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7/2/2009 9:22 pm |
Negative out....Positive in!
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You must be careful when petting a porcupine. After all it is a sensitive and very timid creature.
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Thank you for your kind words. They are appreciated.
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One day when I was small boy in my village long years ago Christian Militia attack and kill all peoples but I and other boy hide down in farm well. For three days we hide. We were invisible and Christian Militia not see us, Allah saving us. Some time it is very best to be invisible. I am Rashid. Do you like me? 
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I am done trying to push others away and I vent so as to let the hard feelings and pain go so that I may indeed shine. Thank you for your sentiments and kind words.
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Negative out....Positive in!  Thanks for stopping by.
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You must be careful when petting a porcupine. After all it is a sensitive and very timid creature.
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Thank you. Really. I know there is. Just been on a down swing past couple of days. Things will get better. I see it.
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8/19/2009 4:07 pm |
Negative out....Positive in!
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